Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Flashbacks

Its 3am in the morning. I just finished the book Titled 'The Bleachers' By John Grisham. It's not your usual law stories. I've read another of his non-law book, 'The Painted House' and I've enjoyed it as much as his usual. This book on the other hand, does look a lot less imposing than the rest of the lot.

Why?

It is like half the size, one and a half times the font size and paragraphing. I wonder what kind of magic he can conjure up this time round... note for one thing is, not all his books are on my favorites list. Personally I just can't finish 'The Street Lawyer'. Too draggy...

Anyway... back to this book and what I am going to write.

Ok, some people blog about the latest happenings, some people blog about their lives and things revolving them everyday. If you have a colorful and brilliantly active lifestyle, there will be plenty to write. Not me... and not that I am ashamed of it.

I just happen to be a person who can fully enjoy solitude, quiet environments and sleep(plenty of it to be exact). So what do I do when I twisted my ankle(which currently is my physical status) and sort of immobilised myself? I play a lot of online games, sleeps a lot and read a lot.

No one like to blog about their online games when it is almost a recuring act all the time. Nothing interesting. Dreams can be interesting... but I can't pen anything good without proper motivation. Dreams definitely don't motivate me.

So what does the trick?

One thing for sure, emotions that are running high. Next up will be thought provoking themes. When emotions run high, I can do a lot of imagination. My poems and the on and off 'Surrealism'(I wish I can say it is my trademark... but somehow... I resisted.) are usually written on such days. Of course, every one of them packs reality and fantasy. Which part is which, is up to the readers to guess. That is the interesting part about writing 'Surrealism'. I like to amuse myself... and wonder to myself which part the readers might guess is real, which is fantasy. Yup... at times when I run out of that inspiration, that does help me finish some parts of the story.

So today, I'm back to thought provoking themes.

Ok, most of the time, I can my mind and heart pricked by reading. TVs have their contributions, so does motion pictures. Life of course is a component, but many times what flashes about in my life, I keep them in my memory banks. Hard to get them into writing. It's like a mini pool of resources waiting to be tapped. Reading something thought provoking is the catalyst that opens that bank.

Today, it's the book.

I won't be touching on the book. If you happen to read this post and find it interesting, you can always go to the library and find the book and read it. I finished it in two and a half hours of non-stop(almost) reading. So here it goes.

Have you ever thought of how you happened to be the person you are today? Over the years, how much you have changed. I do it pretty often. There are points which I feel that they are positive and glad that they are. There are also points which turned for the worse. Whether I can change them, or will change them, will be something in the future.

What I want to talk about today is the people who influenced and mould the person that 'I FEEL' is the person I am today.

First, and luckily for me, is my form teacher from primary four to six, Mrs Jenny Ow. Till this day she still belong in a part of my heart. She taught both my sister and I, and knew who my brother was. She knew our differences. In my class, the students do form quite an interesting bunch. We had all sorts... the good, the bad and the neutral. Some teachers naturally have their favorites and you can see the obvious even through the eyes of the blind.

She didn't...(I used past tense not because she don't do it now, but because she had passed away when I was fourteen.)

I wonder if I should use this word. But after pondering for a while, I really think I can, and there is really no other word to describe how she taught and treated us. She loved us as her students, and taught us all with a loving heart. A true and loving heart. Just like a mother to all of us. Back then, probably we were all so young, I didn't realise the importance of that. After a few years down the road, as the mind starts to think, I realised how much impact it is to me and my future life.

I've learnt from her to be true to people. Love and Compassion to people who deserves it. I wasn't as amazing as her... and I don't think I can ever get to that level. I've known for now, I always treat the people who deserve it.. truthfully. The rest... I don't know... they treat me with half truths and half lies... I'll leave it here for this point.

Next up, if you believe it, goes straight to junior college. I did enjoy secondary school, but I didn't change much. No one really influence me back then.

In junior college, I was just another bum, trying to get a certificate and open my doors to university. Two teacher... taught me one single lesson in life using their different ways. First, my physics teacher Mr Chin. Second is my Chemistry teacher Mdm Tay.

Mr Chin somehow surprised me back in JC. I only started taking physics after the first three months and I realised that it was pretty tough to get my lazy mentality to catch up on the lessons lost. The physics department has decided only to touch on anything taught in the first three months to a miserly percentage of around ten. My goodness... I had a rough time understanding the three laws of kinematics(or was it kinetics...anyway, till now, even after my engineering degree, I still get confused). Soon there are laws of gravity and electricity...

I flunk my physics all the way for first year and most of the early parts of second.

One day, Mr Chin asked me to list the three laws of kinematics during lab time. He knew I was one of those who had given physics a miss previously. I gave three laws of KSmatics... all screwed. What his reaction was I still remember today. The class laughed, he raised his eyebrows in mock surprise. His exact words 'From today onwards, for my lectures you sit at the front row.'

I brushed it off...

Next day eleven in the morning was physics lecture by Mr Chin. He arrived, prepared his stuff, got his slides on. He looked around and settled down. First thing he said 'KS, are you here today?'. I was in the second row from the back with the rest of the bummers. I raised my hand and said 'Yes cher...(back then before army, that's how it is called. After army, everyone is Sir and Ma'am)'. He replied with a nonchalant tone 'Aren't you suppose to be in the first row?' I sat there and never reply him I thought he is just going to wave it away just like all the other issues.

He stood there for a good minute looking at me, then he said 'If you are not coming down, I will not start the lecture. I'm waiting for you.' Now I didn't have a choice, do I? Everyone was looking at me at that point of time. I just became a mini celebrity. I packed my stuff quickly and scoot down as fast as possible, with a pathetic attempt to hide my face. The day the unofficial personal tutorage that Mr Chin is going to give me just started.

From that day on, the pace of the lectures is dictated not by Mr Chin, but by me. He would always talk about some concepts and ask me if I understand. No need to cheat him or lie to him. If I say yes, he will get to explain to him in front of the whole class. I learnt that through the embarassing way of course. So if I don't know, or unsure, I'll just tell him the truth. He would then go back to where ever I had stopped understanding and start all over again.

Talk about pressure!

Every time we have a quiz, he would pass me mine, with a F/E grade and tell me this, 'KS, you can do it. I know you can do it. You just don't want to study...' then he would start asking me the questions in the quiz and explain to everyone in the class. But he don't give you the answer straight. He gives you bits and hints, hoping you catch it and follow up. I still remember his smile when we catch up. He would say, 'See.... you all know! It's just that you all use the wrong way to remember...'

Next is Mdm Tay,

She was only assigned to our class on our second year. Our first year chemistry teacher and moved on and became a Vice Principal in another school. Mdm Tay's style is very different from Miss Ng(my previous tutor). She would come in class, expecting the guys to finish their tutorials and ask questions. We are a bunch of students who almost never do...(ok... exceptions. The girls do their tutorials and assignments, but always tell us they never. At times they do tell us they did, but they refuse to let us copy. Our top ace in class always does his work, but there is only one copy, not enough to spread around.)

She worked real hard to condition us and change us.

She would give us extra classes after school, just my class so we do our work and understand what we did. She would drill into us the important points over and over again. I visited her on a once-per-semester basis, even till now. She told me that she thought our class was weak and focused a lot on us. When the exams are near, she would schedule extra classes(meant for weaker students, welcoming all of course) to help us again. She encourage peer studying, to help each other. She encouraged shy students to approach her individually. She encourage people to speak up.

She is forever encouraging us...

They taught me the lesson of Commitment. Once again, I can never reach their level of commitment. I can be real commited to any cause, as long as there is a good chance of results. For people, results or no results, I am firmly commited to any promise or work as long as that person deserves it. For my tutors, they are even commited to lost causes...

They also taught me another very important issue, which will be reinforced during my stint in National Service. Respect is to be earned and not to due to just anybody.

I still, like I said perviously, visit them once in a while to refresh our memories. Mdm Tay remembers me, as I always go see her, every semester since I ORDed. Mr Chin has some vague memories of me, but he knew me as one of the old boys and treat me like an old friend everytime I go back. It's always great to chat with him.

And I still go back these days.

Next up... National Service. Frankly I can't really single out any one person as per say as the main influence factor. It is the whole stint in NS that really mould how I do things in life.

Many people in life, as they rise up in the ranks, they start to forget the people and the lifestyle they left behind. They start acting like they are at higher levels and all below are items only good for manufacturing fertilizers. I scorn at this kind of people. They expect people to listen to them, show them due respect, be submissive and say 'Yes Me Lord'. I shall refrain from profanities... but they can go fly their kite...

Army has taught me, to get respect, you need to gain respect. To gain respect, one thing for sure is to know how to show respect first. Show respect to your seniors, counterparts and juniors. Work together, and not against each other. No matter how high you go, no one has the knowledge of everything. Everyone can learn from each other.

To get Respect, one must earn it. How it can be done... will depend on each different situation. That I will not elaborate.

Army also taught me the almost exclusive cliche to Army'ed' people, 'Do it once and do it good'. Many of these are taught and embedded in OCS. If you want that to happen, do all necessary preparations and get your intelligence(for the non-inducted, it's information) correct. Plan for future actions, follow ups. So usually I do things with a lot of care and deliberations. I hate slipshod work and I almost hate last minutes decisions(LMD). But I live with, cope with, and overcome LMDs as per of life. It happens all the time, and Army drilled that into us reasonably well.

I don't think I have a chance to lead a section/platoon/company to battle, but leading myself and the people around me, that I do have reasonable confidence.

But Army had reduced my fuse to the one millimetre type. Before army, I was a pretty patient person. But my unit S4 changed all that. He picked on me all the time. He side with outsiders and arm wrestle me. He mistreat all under him. He talks big. But in front of his bosses... he is a weasel. Useless person who stammers and say yes to even the most ridiculous and incredible requests. He can't even read properly from a clear, well documented script written by his three subordinates in front of big shots.

Due to his hardball ways with me, I've learn that being a person with a shorter plug sometimes is a life saver. These people at times just bully people who are nice. No need to be nice to these people. Bite back, yell back, kick back. Don't be a goody two shoes all the time. Fight back!

But it does influence me generally, so overall, my patience had shorten, even for nice people at times. This is the one thing I regret and I totally can't change(as of now). I've tried to regulate, with nonconclusive results.

I almost give up... but OCS taught me one thing... never give up until the fat lady sings. I cannot give up...

I am still trying to solve it until this day. Working on it...


Mmm.. I thought I have more... but after one and half hours of typing... I'm kind of tired. I think I need a break. Shall stop here for today.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Mind Block...

I was thinking these days... to wrap up some of the dangling Surrealism short stories(can I call them that? ha..), or even write another poem... But mind is a piece of blank... no inspirations. Can you all imagine I was sitting in front of this computer for one hour and I have only written only 1 paragraph for 'As time passes part III'?

Ok... go rest the mind... go rest the mind....

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Surrealism - The Past and not the Present

Foreword: I've just blog surfed back, reading a blog entry apparently to talk about the 'ex'. And of course I read on and picked out some points here and there... so here's another instalment of the usual surrealism story.

=======================================================

I wonder if she had eaten her dinner for tonight...

I was walking home after another long day at work. Somehow this research work is getting its toll on me. It rained the whole day.. there is this little stream of rainwater that formed, flowing steadily from my office entrance to the cross junction. I stood there and watch as it seems to go on forever.

How come we were never together forever...

My phone ringed... 'yeah Mr Tang, you forgot something office?''bzzbzzbzz''oh yeah.. that's right, I'm not going anywhere tonight. Drink later? sure sure...' It's Mr Tang again. Somehow he managed to get himself off tonight to share a drink with me. I understood how he felt. When we were together she will always call me around this time. Where am I? What am I doing tonight? Where to go later? Night my place or hers? It is always last minute, but nonetheless enjoyable. I prefer to plan things far ahead, but she's always the last minute girl. Differences...

Not anymore...

I got into the Reds. I prefer to order before getting my seat. Funny thing about this place is the smokers are all sitting indoors while the clean lungs always get their reprieve outdoors. I'm sort of a regular on thursday night so this particular seat is always reserved for me. Mr Tang arrived shortly, ordering a red wine and sat down opposite me. Red Wine and no food? I've asked this question all the time to myself. But couldn't be bothered to find out the real reason.

She used to drink my beer all the time...

'When are you going to find another girl to sip your beer?' It was a weird and straightforward question. Once again, this is always the same way he start our meetings. If it is lunch, the drink would be coffee. No.... she don't drink coffee. In fact she loathe coffee. While I work I must have coffee. She don't... when she sleeps, I'm mostly working. She always get enough sleep, so never really needed the caffeine. She would ask for a lemon tea all the time. For fun she might order a green tea...

I emptied my beer and ordered another...

'I love to stay in the past and wallow in self pity' I shot back to him. He gave me one of those 'oh please...' look. 'I'm lucky tonight to find some time to come out with you so get over these nonsense...' heh... somehow he made it sound like I asked him out, not the other way. That's similar to the past... she is almost always the one who ask me out. I'm really busy with work at times. I spend almost all my free time with her. I suppose being a rich man's daughter does have it's privileges.. No need to think about money, just study and study and study...

Another difference...

'My girlfriend just went overseas for work attachment for two weeks. You have me buddy!' He said with a wide grin. Oh.... how comforting that is! Yea... right... Well, I appreciate my dear pal of course. But with our dialogue, I don't think I can survive two weeks with him. Similarly... when she was with me, we always have only the same few topics to talk about. She will go on and on with how boring her studies can be... her lecturers are idiots.. her sister being a bitch.. mom pissing her off.. but everytime I gripe about work, she say I complain too much...

Different privileges...

'When she gets back, we are flying off to europe for a holiday! oooh... that sure is going to burn a hole in my pocket' heh... I can see his excitedness change into grimaces... 'Then the two of us go together.. it's going to be cheaper!' I swiped at him. 'yeah.. yeah.. yeah..... I wonder what we gonna do man...' I remember going off to france with her. Eiffel tower, grape vineyards, down the shopping district. It was great, it was beautiful... I remember the snow in switzerland.. I remember the beaches in phuket... the sunset in australia...

Memories that never die...


End of part...

Monday, January 08, 2007

Pictures Part I

Alright... here's some pictures during my trip to England recently. Actually not too recent, a couple of months already...


Glorius Liverpool!!!


Trophies and jersies of glory times!!


Champion's League Trophy from Istanbul!


The Old Lady


In the changing room of Anfield!!


From the sacred land of Anfield... :)

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Dug out...

Managed to find this somewhere while I was doing some housekeeping...


"Things She Never Knew"

As Night falls upon the Crimsom Sky,
The Stars appear, way up high.
My Gaze falls on the Crescent Moon,
Missing her, not a moment too soon.

Her Smile feels like the Breeze of Spring,
The Joys and Laughters she always bring.
Her Warmth feels like the Summer Sun,
Fills the Heart with Youthful fun.

At Night I look upon the beautiful Stars,
Covering the Sky, so distant and far.
I'm lucky I have the Stars in her Eyes,
The ones I'll love and cherish my entire Life.

Her Heart is filled with the purest Gold.
Of Compassion that never really grow old.
Her Mind wanders for and wide,
Comes and goes like the ocean's tide.

Her Temper is like the thunder lord.
Swift, Deadly and Blistering Hot!
Fast as Lightning it comes and goes,
Leaves the path as crisp as toast!

I'll climb up the mountains and hills,
To tell the world how much I feel.
As my voice echoes through the valleys,
They repeat how much she really meant to me.

Through Life I'll walk with her side by side,
Ups and Downs and I will never look back.
A Million in One she will always be,
And the sweetest Angel as long as I live.

Just like the lovely Princess, She never knew she is...

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Surrealism - As Time Flies (Part II)

Drops of persiration slide down my cheeks...

On my seventeen year this day, I was moving around furnitures and items from my home. I was moving down six streets, leaving the home where I've grown up in most of my life. It is funny at times when the city council says things like shifting us around for the better of the neighbourhood. They had promised to build a hospital and some social homes in this area. In the next three years, we saw the rapid raise of the mega shopping mall at that spot...

Greed?

The following year the I couldn't get into the park due to the construction of our neighbourhood's 'health facilities'. They had fenced up the area for 'safety' reasons. I stood by the fence reading the signs of what was coming our way, instead of watching golden leaves falling from the trees. I was thinking to myself... why? Nothing stays the same forever... good things always come to an end. But it signals another beginning...

It will only be a matter of perspective...

I was away from my family for the next two years as I went away for studies. I was in a foreign land surrounded by foreigners... or am I a foreigner in a foreign land? I soon catch up with the local culture and the people. I made new friends and also met up with a lot of people from back home. Seems like it was a pretty popular place to come. I spent a lot of time visiting the countryside, looking at natural sights, checking out farms and went to the ski lodge.

I had my first bling... and many more to follow...

I got to know of this place where people gather while festivities are celebrated. My pals and I got down during new year and see fireworks for forty over minutes. But somehow... out of nowhere I heard shoutings just a few metres away from me. A pretty huge group of young men(a few years older than I was back than) were shouting racist slogans and started hurling objects at us. I managed to dodge a glass bottle but one of my pals was hit. Another friend charged over and a fight ensued...

I didn't remember much, I had a bottle smashed into my head after a few blows and I found myself in the hospital the next day...

I was already thinking before that, whether to stay in that place for long. I knew I shouldn't... I will always be considered as a second rate person and I knew where it is... that is truly home...

I returned after I graduated, to the warmth of my mother's hug...

(End of Part II)

Monday, September 25, 2006

Surrealism - As Time Flies (Part I)

Golden brown....

That's how the lane looks right now. Covered with fallen leaves lining along the roads. I sat on the bench, taking in the autumn sight as they etch their way into my memories. I've sat here thirteen years ago, same time, same place, same bench and the same old me. Time flies...

Real fast...

I was twelve when I first sat here. The moment when I caught the first leaf falling from the branches. I remember my sister telling me that I could make a wish when I did that. Somehow, it didn't work out that well. I had hoped to be the top in my class. Well... we all believe in fairy tales and magical wishes when we were young. I don't think I studied hard enough that year. I was way off the mark. Hahaha... youth and innocence. I had my first lesson of life that year...

Everyone has to work hard for a goal.

The next year, I sat here with a good friend of mine. He had been my first friend in a new school. Close as we were, now we are miles apart. Maybe even further... I remember running across the park, crashing into a pram while I was looking back to check if he had caught up. I remember the bruise, the teenage bravado of trying not to cry. Ha... the age of transistion... I remember his laughter which cracked me up too. The growing up phase... and now he is gone. To another world...

My friend had passed away.

I missed the fourteenth year, reason I can't remember. Rain? I ain't too sure about that. I remember vaguely I was there on the fifteenth. I sat there looking blankly into the horizon. I had just broken off with my first girlfriend. First love... people say it is the one that hurts the most, and the longest. Somehow it didn't happen to me. It was swift and leave little. I was in fact relieved. It was such a choke... I suppose it was hard to contain and restrain me by a relationship..

I still happen to be the same, even till this day...

On the sixteenth year, I remember trying to study in the park for my exams. It is kind of stupid if you think back now. With all the wind and people walking around, how can one ever concentrate. Of course, I remember trying to pick a few pieces of notes from the nearby pond. The work of jack russell that trampled, bit and run off with my notes. He(male) managed to jump into the pond with my notes...

I still managed to pass that subject... and got an A.

(End of Part I)