gong kia number one

Flashbacks

2007-03-13T02:59:00.000+08:00

Its 3am in the morning. I just finished the book Titled 'The Bleachers' By John Grisham. It's not your usual law stories. I've read another of his non-law book, 'The Painted House' and I've enjoyed it as much as his usual. This book on the other hand, does look a lot less imposing than the rest of the lot.

Why?

It is like half the size, one and a half times the font size and paragraphing. I wonder what kind of magic he can conjure up this time round... note for one thing is, not all his books are on my favorites list. Personally I just can't finish 'The Street Lawyer'. Too draggy...

Anyway... back to this book and what I am going to write.

Ok, some people blog about the latest happenings, some people blog about their lives and things revolving them everyday. If you have a colorful and brilliantly active lifestyle, there will be plenty to write. Not me... and not that I am ashamed of it.

I just happen to be a person who can fully enjoy solitude, quiet environments and sleep(plenty of it to be exact). So what do I do when I twisted my ankle(which currently is my physical status) and sort of immobilised myself? I play a lot of online games, sleeps a lot and read a lot.

No one like to blog about their online games when it is almost a recuring act all the time. Nothing interesting. Dreams can be interesting... but I can't pen anything good without proper motivation. Dreams definitely don't motivate me.

So what does the trick?

One thing for sure, emotions that are running high. Next up will be thought provoking themes. When emotions run high, I can do a lot of imagination. My poems and the on and off 'Surrealism'(I wish I can say it is my trademark... but somehow... I resisted.) are usually written on such days. Of course, every one of them packs reality and fantasy. Which part is which, is up to the readers to guess. That is the interesting part about writing 'Surrealism'. I like to amuse myself... and wonder to myself which part the readers might guess is real, which is fantasy. Yup... at times when I run out of that inspiration, that does help me finish some parts of the story.

So today, I'm back to thought provoking themes.

Ok, most of the time, I can my mind and heart pricked by reading. TVs have their contributions, so does motion pictures. Life of course is a component, but many times what flashes about in my life, I keep them in my memory banks. Hard to get them into writing. It's like a mini pool of resources waiting to be tapped. Reading something thought provoking is the catalyst that opens that bank.

Today, it's the book.

I won't be touching on the book. If you happen to read this post and find it interesting, you can always go to the library and find the book and read it. I finished it in two and a half hours of non-stop(almost) reading. So here it goes.

Have you ever thought of how you happened to be the person you are today? Over the years, how much you have changed. I do it pretty often. There are points which I feel that they are positive and glad that they are. There are also points which turned for the worse. Whether I can change them, or will change them, will be something in the future.

What I want to talk about today is the people who influenced and mould the person that 'I FEEL' is the person I am today.

First, and luckily for me, is my form teacher from primary four to six, Mrs Jenny Ow. Till this day she still belong in a part of my heart. She taught both my sister and I, and knew who my brother was. She knew our differences. In my class, the students do form quite an interesting bunch. We had all sorts... the good, the bad and the neutral. Some teachers naturally have their favorites and you can see the obvious even through the eyes of the blind.

She didn't...(I used past tense not because she don't do it now, but because she had passed away when I was fourteen.)

I wonder if I should use this word. But after pondering for a while, I really think I can, and there is really no other word to describe how she taught and treated us. She loved us as her students, and taught us all with a loving heart. A true and loving heart. Just like a mother to all of us. Back then, probably we were all so young, I didn't realise the importance of that. After a few years down the road, as the mind starts to think, I realised how much impact it is to me and my future life.

I've learnt from her to be true to people. Love and Compassion to people who deserves it. I wasn't as amazing as her... and I don't think I can ever get to that level. I've known for now, I always treat the people who deserve it.. truthfully. The rest... I don't know... they treat me with half truths and half lies... I'll leave it here for this point.

Next up, if you believe it, goes straight to junior college. I did enjoy secondary school, but I didn't change much. No one really influence me back then.

In junior college, I was just another bum, trying to get a certificate and open my doors to university. Two teacher... taught me one single lesson in life using their different ways. First, my physics teacher Mr Chin. Second is my Chemistry teacher Mdm Tay.

Mr Chin somehow surprised me back in JC. I only started taking physics after the first three months and I realised that it was pretty tough to get my lazy mentality to catch up on the lessons lost. The physics department has decided only to touch on anything taught in the first three months to a miserly percentage of around ten. My goodness... I had a rough time understanding the three laws of kinematics(or was it kinetics...anyway, till now, even after my engineering degree, I still get confused). Soon there are laws of gravity and electricity...

I flunk my physics all the way for first year and most of the early parts of second.

One day, Mr Chin asked me to list the three laws of kinematics during lab time. He knew I was one of those who had given physics a miss previously. I gave three laws of KSmatics... all screwed. What his reaction was I still remember today. The class laughed, he raised his eyebrows in mock surprise. His exact words 'From today onwards, for my lectures you sit at the front row.'

I brushed it off...

Next day eleven in the morning was physics lecture by Mr Chin. He arrived, prepared his stuff, got his slides on. He looked around and settled down. First thing he said 'KS, are you here today?'. I was in the second row from the back with the rest of the bummers. I raised my hand and said 'Yes cher...(back then before army, that's how it is called. After army, everyone is Sir and Ma'am)'. He replied with a nonchalant tone 'Aren't you suppose to be in the first row?' I sat there and never reply him I thought he is just going to wave it away just like all the other issues.

He stood there for a good minute looking at me, then he said 'If you are not coming down, I will not start the lecture. I'm waiting for you.' Now I didn't have a choice, do I? Everyone was looking at me at that point of time. I just became a mini celebrity. I packed my stuff quickly and scoot down as fast as possible, with a pathetic attempt to hide my face. The day the unofficial personal tutorage that Mr Chin is going to give me just started.

From that day on, the pace of the lectures is dictated not by Mr Chin, but by me. He would always talk about some concepts and ask me if I understand. No need to cheat him or lie to him. If I say yes, he will get to explain to him in front of the whole class. I learnt that through the embarassing way of course. So if I don't know, or unsure, I'll just tell him the truth. He would then go back to where ever I had stopped understanding and start all over again.

Talk about pressure!

Every time we have a quiz, he would pass me mine, with a F/E grade and tell me this, 'KS, you can do it. I know you can do it. You just don't want to study...' then he would start asking me the questions in the quiz and explain to everyone in the class. But he don't give you the answer straight. He gives you bits and hints, hoping you catch it and follow up. I still remember his smile when we catch up. He would say, 'See.... you all know! It's just that you all use the wrong way to remember...'

Next is Mdm Tay,

She was only assigned to our class on our second year. Our first year chemistry teacher and moved on and became a Vice Principal in another school. Mdm Tay's style is very different from Miss Ng(my previous tutor). She would come in class, expecting the guys to finish their tutorials and ask questions. We are a bunch of students who almost never do...(ok... exceptions. The girls do their tutorials and assignments, but always tell us they never. At times they do tell us they did, but they refuse to let us copy. Our top ace in class always does his work, but there is only one copy, not enough to spread around.)

She worked real hard to condition us and change us.

She would give us extra classes after school, just my class so we do our work and understand what we did. She would drill into us the important points over and over again. I visited her on a once-per-semester basis, even till now. She told me that she thought our class was weak and focused a lot on us. When the exams are near, she would schedule extra classes(meant for weaker students, welcoming all of course) to help us again. She encourage peer studying, to help each other. She encouraged shy students to approach her individually. She encourage people to speak up.

She is forever encouraging us...

They taught me the lesson of Commitment. Once again, I can never reach their level of commitment. I can be real commited to any cause, as long as there is a good chance of results. For people, results or no results, I am firmly commited to any promise or work as long as that person deserves it. For my tutors, they are even commited to lost causes...

They also taught me another very important issue, which will be reinforced during my stint in National Service. Respect is to be earned and not to due to just anybody.

I still, like I said perviously, visit them once in a while to refresh our memories. Mdm Tay remembers me, as I always go see her, every semester since I ORDed. Mr Chin has some vague memories of me, but he knew me as one of the old boys and treat me like an old friend everytime I go back. It's always great to chat with him.

And I still go back these days.

Next up... National Service. Frankly I can't really single out any one person as per say as the main influence factor. It is the whole stint in NS that really mould how I do things in life.

Many people in life, as they rise up in the ranks, they start to forget the people and the lifestyle they left behind. They start acting like they are at higher levels and all below are items only good for manufacturing fertilizers. I scorn at this kind of people. They expect people to listen to them, show them due respect, be submissive and say 'Yes Me Lord'. I shall refrain from profanities... but they can go fly their kite...

Army has taught me, to get respect, you need to gain respect. To gain respect, one thing for sure is to know how to show respect first. Show respect to your seniors, counterparts and juniors. Work together, and not against each other. No matter how high you go, no one has the knowledge of everything. Everyone can learn from each other.

To get Respect, one must earn it. How it can be done... will depend on each different situation. That I will not elaborate.

Army also taught me the almost exclusive cliche to Army'ed' people, 'Do it once and do it good'. Many of these are taught and embedded in OCS. If you want that to happen, do all necessary preparations and get your intelligence(for the non-inducted, it's information) correct. Plan for future actions, follow ups. So usually I do things with a lot of care and deliberations. I hate slipshod work and I almost hate last minutes decisions(LMD). But I live with, cope with, and overcome LMDs as per of life. It happens all the time, and Army drilled that into us reasonably well.

I don't think I have a chance to lead a section/platoon/company to battle, but leading myself and the people around me, that I do have reasonable confidence.

But Army had reduced my fuse to the one millimetre type. Before army, I was a pretty patient person. But my unit S4 changed all that. He picked on me all the time. He side with outsiders and arm wrestle me. He mistreat all under him. He talks big. But in front of his bosses... he is a weasel. Useless person who stammers and say yes to even the most ridiculous and incredible requests. He can't even read properly from a clear, well documented script written by his three subordinates in front of big shots.

Due to his hardball ways with me, I've learn that being a person with a shorter plug sometimes is a life saver. These people at times just bully people who are nice. No need to be nice to these people. Bite back, yell back, kick back. Don't be a goody two shoes all the time. Fight back!

But it does influence me generally, so overall, my patience had shorten, even for nice people at times. This is the one thing I regret and I totally can't change(as of now). I've tried to regulate, with nonconclusive results.

I almost give up... but OCS taught me one thing... never give up until the fat lady sings. I cannot give up...

I am still trying to solve it until this day. Working on it...

Mmm.. I thought I have more... but after one and half hours of typing... I'm kind of tired. I think I need a break. Shall stop here for today.

Mind Block...

2007-02-14T23:10:00.000+08:00

I was thinking these days... to wrap up some of the dangling Surrealism short stories(can I call them that? ha..), or even write another poem... But mind is a piece of blank... no inspirations. Can you all imagine I was sitting in front of this computer for one hour and I have only written only 1 paragraph for 'As time passes part III'?

Ok... go rest the mind... go rest the mind....

Surrealism - The Past and not the Present

2007-02-07T14:19:00.000+08:00

Foreword: I've just blog surfed back, reading a blog entry apparently to talk about the 'ex'. And of course I read on and picked out some points here and there... so here's another instalment of the usual surrealism story.

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I wonder if she had eaten her dinner for tonight...

I was walking home after another long day at work. Somehow this research work is getting its toll on me. It rained the whole day.. there is this little stream of rainwater that formed, flowing steadily from my office entrance to the cross junction. I stood there and watch as it seems to go on forever.

How come we were never together forever...

My phone ringed... 'yeah Mr Tang, you forgot something office?''bzzbzzbzz''oh yeah.. that's right, I'm not going anywhere tonight. Drink later? sure sure...' It's Mr Tang again. Somehow he managed to get himself off tonight to share a drink with me. I understood how he felt. When we were together she will always call me around this time. Where am I? What am I doing tonight? Where to go later? Night my place or hers? It is always last minute, but nonetheless enjoyable. I prefer to plan things far ahead, but she's always the last minute girl. Differences...

Not anymore...

I got into the Reds. I prefer to order before getting my seat. Funny thing about this place is the smokers are all sitting indoors while the clean lungs always get their reprieve outdoors. I'm sort of a regular on thursday night so this particular seat is always reserved for me. Mr Tang arrived shortly, ordering a red wine and sat down opposite me. Red Wine and no food? I've asked this question all the time to myself. But couldn't be bothered to find out the real reason.

She used to drink my beer all the time...

'When are you going to find another girl to sip your beer?' It was a weird and straightforward question. Once again, this is always the same way he start our meetings. If it is lunch, the drink would be coffee. No.... she don't drink coffee. In fact she loathe coffee. While I work I must have coffee. She don't... when she sleeps, I'm mostly working. She always get enough sleep, so never really needed the caffeine. She would ask for a lemon tea all the time. For fun she might order a green tea...

I emptied my beer and ordered another...

'I love to stay in the past and wallow in self pity' I shot back to him. He gave me one of those 'oh please...' look. 'I'm lucky tonight to find some time to come out with you so get over these nonsense...' heh... somehow he made it sound like I asked him out, not the other way. That's similar to the past... she is almost always the one who ask me out. I'm really busy with work at times. I spend almost all my free time with her. I suppose being a rich man's daughter does have it's privileges.. No need to think about money, just study and study and study...

Another difference...

'My girlfriend just went overseas for work attachment for two weeks. You have me buddy!' He said with a wide grin. Oh.... how comforting that is! Yea... right... Well, I appreciate my dear pal of course. But with our dialogue, I don't think I can survive two weeks with him. Similarly... when she was with me, we always have only the same few topics to talk about. She will go on and on with how boring her studies can be... her lecturers are idiots.. her sister being a bitch.. mom pissing her off.. but everytime I gripe about work, she say I complain too much...

Different privileges...

'When she gets back, we are flying off to europe for a holiday! oooh... that sure is going to burn a hole in my pocket' heh... I can see his excitedness change into grimaces... 'Then the two of us go together.. it's going to be cheaper!' I swiped at him. 'yeah.. yeah.. yeah..... I wonder what we gonna do man...' I remember going off to france with her. Eiffel tower, grape vineyards, down the shopping district. It was great, it was beautiful... I remember the snow in switzerland.. I remember the beaches in phuket... the sunset in australia...

Memories that never die...

End of part...

Pictures Part I

2007-01-08T12:16:00.000+08:00

Alright... here's some pictures during my trip to England recently. Actually not too recent, a couple of months already...

Glorius Liverpool!!!

Trophies and jersies of glory times!!

Champion's League Trophy from Istanbul!

The Old Lady

In the changing room of Anfield!!

From the sacred land of Anfield... :)

Dug out...

2006-10-26T02:15:00.000+08:00

Managed to find this somewhere while I was doing some housekeeping...

"Things She Never Knew"

As Night falls upon the Crimsom Sky,
The Stars appear, way up high.
My Gaze falls on the Crescent Moon,
Missing her, not a moment too soon.

Her Smile feels like the Breeze of Spring,
The Joys and Laughters she always bring.
Her Warmth feels like the Summer Sun,
Fills the Heart with Youthful fun.

At Night I look upon the beautiful Stars,
Covering the Sky, so distant and far.
I'm lucky I have the Stars in her Eyes,
The ones I'll love and cherish my entire Life.

Her Heart is filled with the purest Gold.
Of Compassion that never really grow old.
Her Mind wanders for and wide,
Comes and goes like the ocean's tide.

Her Temper is like the thunder lord.
Swift, Deadly and Blistering Hot!
Fast as Lightning it comes and goes,
Leaves the path as crisp as toast!

I'll climb up the mountains and hills,
To tell the world how much I feel.
As my voice echoes through the valleys,
They repeat how much she really meant to me.

Through Life I'll walk with her side by side,
Ups and Downs and I will never look back.
A Million in One she will always be,
And the sweetest Angel as long as I live.

Just like the lovely Princess, She never knew she is...

Surrealism - As Time Flies (Part II)

2006-10-10T16:21:00.000+08:00

Drops of persiration slide down my cheeks...

On my seventeen year this day, I was moving around furnitures and items from my home. I was moving down six streets, leaving the home where I've grown up in most of my life. It is funny at times when the city council says things like shifting us around for the better of the neighbourhood. They had promised to build a hospital and some social homes in this area. In the next three years, we saw the rapid raise of the mega shopping mall at that spot...

Greed?

The following year the I couldn't get into the park due to the construction of our neighbourhood's 'health facilities'. They had fenced up the area for 'safety' reasons. I stood by the fence reading the signs of what was coming our way, instead of watching golden leaves falling from the trees. I was thinking to myself... why? Nothing stays the same forever... good things always come to an end. But it signals another beginning...

It will only be a matter of perspective...

I was away from my family for the next two years as I went away for studies. I was in a foreign land surrounded by foreigners... or am I a foreigner in a foreign land? I soon catch up with the local culture and the people. I made new friends and also met up with a lot of people from back home. Seems like it was a pretty popular place to come. I spent a lot of time visiting the countryside, looking at natural sights, checking out farms and went to the ski lodge.

I had my first bling... and many more to follow...

I got to know of this place where people gather while festivities are celebrated. My pals and I got down during new year and see fireworks for forty over minutes. But somehow... out of nowhere I heard shoutings just a few metres away from me. A pretty huge group of young men(a few years older than I was back than) were shouting racist slogans and started hurling objects at us. I managed to dodge a glass bottle but one of my pals was hit. Another friend charged over and a fight ensued...

I didn't remember much, I had a bottle smashed into my head after a few blows and I found myself in the hospital the next day...

I was already thinking before that, whether to stay in that place for long. I knew I shouldn't... I will always be considered as a second rate person and I knew where it is... that is truly home...

I returned after I graduated, to the warmth of my mother's hug...

(End of Part II)

Surrealism - As Time Flies (Part I)

2006-09-25T22:38:00.000+08:00

Golden brown....

That's how the lane looks right now. Covered with fallen leaves lining along the roads. I sat on the bench, taking in the autumn sight as they etch their way into my memories. I've sat here thirteen years ago, same time, same place, same bench and the same old me. Time flies...

Real fast...

I was twelve when I first sat here. The moment when I caught the first leaf falling from the branches. I remember my sister telling me that I could make a wish when I did that. Somehow, it didn't work out that well. I had hoped to be the top in my class. Well... we all believe in fairy tales and magical wishes when we were young. I don't think I studied hard enough that year. I was way off the mark. Hahaha... youth and innocence. I had my first lesson of life that year...

Everyone has to work hard for a goal.

The next year, I sat here with a good friend of mine. He had been my first friend in a new school. Close as we were, now we are miles apart. Maybe even further... I remember running across the park, crashing into a pram while I was looking back to check if he had caught up. I remember the bruise, the teenage bravado of trying not to cry. Ha... the age of transistion... I remember his laughter which cracked me up too. The growing up phase... and now he is gone. To another world...

My friend had passed away.

I missed the fourteenth year, reason I can't remember. Rain? I ain't too sure about that. I remember vaguely I was there on the fifteenth. I sat there looking blankly into the horizon. I had just broken off with my first girlfriend. First love... people say it is the one that hurts the most, and the longest. Somehow it didn't happen to me. It was swift and leave little. I was in fact relieved. It was such a choke... I suppose it was hard to contain and restrain me by a relationship..

I still happen to be the same, even till this day...

On the sixteenth year, I remember trying to study in the park for my exams. It is kind of stupid if you think back now. With all the wind and people walking around, how can one ever concentrate. Of course, I remember trying to pick a few pieces of notes from the nearby pond. The work of jack russell that trampled, bit and run off with my notes. He(male) managed to jump into the pond with my notes...

I still managed to pass that subject... and got an A.

(End of Part I)

Singapore Dreaming

2006-08-29T00:28:00.000+08:00

I've seen the trailers, the website, the blog... and many informative items for this truly inspired by our daily lives' show...

Please.........

Everyone.......

If you want the trailer get it from me!

The song 'Memories' from the movie is great too!

Go watch it!

7th Sep 2006.

We need to take a look at the many facets of our own lives.

This show will provide you with one...

Who say Mee Siam got no hum?!?!?!

2006-08-29T00:25:00.000+08:00

After the recent screwed up by you know who....

I've found evidences!

He was... errrmmmm.... correct!

Maybe just this once.

Take a look!

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- better be politically correct.... hehheh...

Thanks for remembering!

2006-08-27T00:47:00.000+08:00

I would like to thank the following people:

1) Shiru
2) Shuwei
3) Darien
4) Junhao
5) Eddie(big)
6) Xiaowei
7) Jialong(especially!)
8) My former boss Raymond
9) Navin
10) Lizhen

For what?

For remembering my birthday!

Thanks you guys!!!!!!!!!!!

I appreciate every message....

Happy 26th Birthday to me!

Who? What? Pluto is no longer a planet?!

2006-08-24T23:57:00.000+08:00

Have you heard the latest news?

Pluto is no longer a planet!!!

All the things they taught us about the solar system... nine planets... making us memorise...

Ok, I'm not bemoaning the issue about pluto not being a mega stellar object anymore.
My issue here is... why are human beings spending so much time, effort, money, brains... etc etc, summarised as resources, to argue if pluto is a planet?

My goodness!

We don't even know where is the deepest part of the ocean on earth!
We don't even know how long is the rainforest is going to survive!
We don't even know what to do about ozone depletion!
We don't even know when the next crazy person will smash planes into buildings!
We don't even know the intricracies of our DNAs and how to use it for our benefit!
We don't even know how many species of plants, mammals, amphibians, birds... on this planet!
We don't even know how many 'species' of human beings there is!
We don't even know how to live lives together on this planet!
We don't even know how to respect Earth!
We don't even know how to...

Pluto is no longer a planet!

And that requires millions and millions of dollars, hours and days on the debating table, utilising some of the world's top minds to decide!

Pluto is no longer a planet! Charon might be!

And somewhere someone is dying in the cold...
And somewhere someone is crying in pain due to gun wounds...
And somewhere someone is groaning as tumor in his mind began its works...
And somewhere someone is wondering why the kids had abandoned him/her in a home...
And somewhere someone is trying to learn how to speak at the age of 24...
And somewhere someone is struggling to tie his/her shoe laces due to a pre-birth deficiency...

Pluto is no longer a planet!

Crap.............

When is anyone ever going to focus on something more concrete...

Injured...

2006-08-14T01:21:00.000+08:00

Got two punches...

One in the left temple, one in the right cheek bone.

Hurt my right ankle.

Time to rest a while...

Conflicts

2006-07-21T11:17:00.000+08:00

I'm sure everyone has heard of the conflicts between the Hezbollah militants and Israel troops near the Lebanon-Israel borders these days.

I was looking through the reports and pictures and would like to share some of them with everyone. As well as some of my views and comments.

A group of people supporting the Muslim Cleric Sheik Hassan Nasrallah, leader of Hezbollah.

Road signs of Sheik Hassan Nasrallah

More protests

Flag burning time

Here we can see there are a lot of protests, flag burnings, chantings and cursing of different nationalities against the hostilities of israeli troops. I find this issue of cursing, protests etc etc more of an act of ignorance by whoever are taking part in them.

Firstly, will the burning and protesting really stop all the bombing?

Secondly, are they addressing the real issue here?

Thirdly, are they protesting against the aggression or in support of their faith or country?

Over the past 15 years, many global events had happened. Invasion of Kuwait, counterattacks into Iraq, war in Chechnya, Hostage taking in Russia(or is it Ukraine)theatre, Madrid bombing, Japan gas attacks, WTC tower crashes, Afghanistan invasion...

Aggressors always have their supporters cheering for them, the defenders protesting... everyone who has a closer connections to any party will start to rally to their cause. Normal human behavior, unfortunately.

So how are we going to judge which party is correct or wrong? Social norms? World wide agreements? Religion and faith?

In the end, everyone has a different view of how things go.

Griefing over fallen comrades

Destruction in Beirut

Remains of war...

Every party suffer. Militants capture Israeli troopers. Israeli retaliate. Citizens suffers. To me, in this case, it is a prolong tension between the neighbouring nations and Israel that had been threatening to spill.

Hezbollah spills it.

Israeli troops enters Lebonese territory to recover their comrades and hunt down the original aggressor.

Mmmmm.... sounds uncivilised? Unfortunately this has been how things are going for certain issues in this world. I personally believed that many so called 'terrorist' groups always have plenty of support behind them. In this case, a strong muslim presense in the middle east. The militant group, over years of antagonised relation with the jewish state, acts with accordance to their own view of fairness.

As for the jewish state, having two of their soldiers captured, how do they react? Over the years of dealing with people who will probably NOT listen to them, the only other way is through aggression.

Question. Diplomacy?

HAHAHAHA..... diplomacy is for..... personal benefits... do you see USA charging into the border screaming for everyone to stop with their cruise missle, SEALS and delta forces? Do you see Russia charging in with their T-72s and Cobra strike copters? No...........

Fight for Israel or Lebanon (or even worse, 'terrorist' groups) = no benefit

I reckon the other places are just hoping everything prolongs, as a distraction to their own issues at home and their own unglorified actions(eg. USA intention to invade Iran, Iran making nuclear, N.Korea making nuclear, people dying in Iraq).

So why fight in the first place....

Over faith? Over social norms? Over Beliefs?

Result

More Destruction...

After so many years of evolution.... or maybe the evolution had gone completely wrong....

People should start learning to accept and integrate.
People should start learning how to utilise resources for the good of mankind, not destruction.
People should start learning how to live in harmony.
People should start learning how to see the rights and wrongs(once again... almost impossible due to difference in mentality)
People should start learning...

There is only one mother earth....

We all live in it....

We are all brethrens....

Why destroy each other?

Get Real!

2006-06-28T06:21:00.000+08:00

Alright everyone!

Just want to say hi and thanks for people who are still reading this piece of wasteland. Sorry I have a lack of cash flow, so will only clean up the place maybe once or twice in a month. No money to contract some proper cleaning agency on a regular basis. Hehheh…

No of course that’s not the reason. I was failing pretty badly at being lame. Ok, this extra post is to thank each individual personally who had read, and whom I knew they did.

Xiaoxin> Ha… I didn’t really know that you still read my stuff. I wasn’t linked and I am pretty grateful you actually remember this crazy url. But no, I am not requesting to be linked here. No need at all. :) But I really love to read your stuff, and I would like to order a cake from your antique cake shop. Haha… and yea, Lucify for you!!!

~~Wenwen~~> Well well, part III is out. Happy? Haha… writing this kind of story is not really that easy. I correct myself. Writing anything is difficult! Even if they are crap! hahaha... ooops... sorry. ;) I ain’t the type who can just write anything out of the blue. Need to have the ‘feeling’… you know? And I hope I haven’t disappoint you on this third instalment of ‘Final Requests’.

Miss pot> Mmmm… I reckon you are the longest ‘serving’ reader of my small writing kingdom. People come and go over the years, you have been around all the while. Similarly, to what I’ve said to wenwen, I hope this instalment of Surrealism had not disappoint you. Personally I had been thinking quite some time these days on how to write this part. So yah… the june dateline is near, just like my reports. Managed to finished it. I hope you still like it. if not, maybe another instalment might appease you! Haha…

Xw> I wonder what I can I say to this dear friend of mine. Frankly the question you posted on the board had me stumped. Unfortunately for both you and me, I haven’t found the answer to them. Would you be a kind soul and enlighten me on that? One thing is, I sincerely hope that everything goes well on your side. Rough patches comes every now and then, I’m sure you can get over it, you brave warrior!

Mich> arrr…. Crazy gal who’s hiding down under and refusing to come home! Stop contradicting yourself and tell me something proper. And don’t go ‘lol’ all the time. Later your mouth drop off and your dear will thank the heavens failure of aussie government to issue a visa to him. Ha… joking of course. I would like to thank you hell of lot here, cause you have been reading my nonsense since it’s existence too(I think…) yesh yesh.. I read your stuff too! Happy grad trip!

Manniqueen> well… I don’t really know if she still read, but just in case. Hahaha… hey doc, bring some hamsters and mice along next time when you drop by k? I’ll prepare some titbits for them when they drop by. For you, I’ll go get some custard buns. Hehheh… I’ll make sure you gain 20kg and need another wedding gown! Ha!

Princessann> somehow, I believe she has been browsing this place after she put on a cloak and hood. Invisible reader. Ok ok… don’t nag at me anymore. I’ve updated already! Get your kid to read! Ha…

Some other people who might or might not read: Tucksoon, Jean, Rong, etc etc and invisible readers… thanks a lot! Drop a line… say hi… don’t be anti-social!

Alright… that’s about all for now. Need to go sleep now!

Surrealism - Last Requests (Part III)

2006-06-28T05:54:00.000+08:00

“Why don’t you leave me alone?”

I see flashes of light as I slowly blinked my eyes… it is morning already. My glass is lying on the floor, with its contents from previous night flowing through my veins. Hell, it is giving me another headache. If I have to get myself a new life, I need to get rid of the liquor first. Fifteen, twenty, thirty minutes passed… I’m still sprawled all over the ground. How I wish I can just lay down forever in this way.

Escapism is all over my mind…

I want to run from all this. It has been a nightmare. But… can I really do it? It has proven to be a curse, a recurring one… I took a deep breath and it gave me a coughing fit. My lungs felt like they are bursting. ‘What the heck did I drink last night?’ my mind asked. Oh… half a bottle of chivas. That’s nasty. I managed to grab the nearest leg of the sofa and pulled myself closer to it. Or did the sofa moved to me? Not that it really matters; I was sitting on it a minute later.

What a night…

I retrieved my cell phone from the dustbin, amidst all the ash and cigarette butts. I’ve got to get myself an ashtray one of these days too… amazingly, my high school headmaster’s face surfaced that moment. ‘No smoking in school! Even teachers! What makes YOU think you can do it, you little punk?!’ that’s a little distraction. My gaze fell back to the phone. Instinctively I keyed in her name.

My lost love…

I closed my eyes, memories flooded my poor mind. I can feel the emotions getting control over me, while I felt the anguish in the heart and the edge of my eyes warmed by tears. I have not been the same person four years ago. I’ve changed so much for her. Softer, more sensitive, more emotional… now I am suffering from them.

I shouldn’t have changed in the first place…

I clenched my fists... I will do it, one step at a time. I deleted her name from the list. I scrolled through the messages, read each and every one of them one more time. Slowly, I deleted them one by one too, from the very first day to the last. It is seeping away. The pictures were harder. I was reluctant… when the heart told my mind to stop doing it. I took another deep breath, this time never choking. I deleted them…

‘Remember me… don’t let go of the things between us…’

I step into the room where her stuff occupied most of the spaces. I remember the day when she moved in, she was literally screaming the roof off. She hates to see my garments all over the place; she hates the color of my curtains; she packs her soft toys by the bed; the dresser is cluttered with her cosmetics; her clothes are still hanging in the closet…

‘Why are you ignoring me? What did I do wrongly?’

One by one, I removed the clothes from the closet. Each and every a lingering memory. There is one which we bought together during our first month. Another which was bought to celebrate her mom’s birthday. A set of bikini during a trip to the Caribbean’s. And a Mickey mouse T when we celebrated our second year in the wonderland of Disney. And the rest… I folded them slowly and deliberately. I relived each memory again and lay them to rest…

The toilets and rest of the room can wait. The heart needs a break, the mind needs a holiday…

‘Do you really want to give up on everything and treat me like a stranger?’

Last requests… from her…

What am I to say?

Do I really have an answer to the questions?

I closed my eyes and let my mind wander…

I see her outside the door…

I closed the door…

Goodbye……

Surrealism - Last Requests (Part II)

2006-05-17T02:10:00.000+08:00

"Will you walk with me one last time?"

I stay still, lying on my bed in the still of the night. It's warm, the mind is tired but roaming, I'm perspiring, I couldn't sleep. I closed my eyes again, trying to sleep again. The same images surfaced in my mind. The sunsets, the long walks along the beach, her running in front of me at the edges of the receding tide, the giggles and the laughters... suddenly my mind hurts. I sat up, rubbing my throbbing temples.

When am I going to get this out of my system...

I glanced at the table clock that is emitting an almost soulful redness. I squint a little. I've slept on the opposite direction tonight. I was feeling a little weird right from the start of the day. Or was it the chivas that rendered me incapable of thinking for those precious little moments? I can't remember...

It's the messages that are killing my mind...

I picked up my phone and went through the messages that sent me today. I'll tell you she is one lady whom I loved and hated. Well, isn't it always the case for every guy out there(and even for the gals, for all that matters). She wanted me to call her, message her, not to forget her... and yet she want me to keep my distance, don't get so close to her, forgive her for the decision she made all so cruelly. I didn't know if I was gracious enough to accept that. I always remember JNT's words-'Am I suppose to accept your apologies when you apologised after slapping me?'

Spare me from this torturing decision making...

I sat down and pondered what I am suppose to tell her. I also thought of how I am going to treat her from this day on. Force a smile and treat that everything is a nightmare that I have awaken from? Just laugh it off and say i've never felt anything and never will again? Be ever so tolerant so her tempers and moods? I don't know what I will do, I don't know what I should do and I don't know what path I should take from now on to close this miserable chapter.

Give up... it is all a nightmare...

I dragged myself off the bed to my desk. Switching on the lamp, I pulled out my trusty pencil and notepad with the intention to pen down my thoughts. I scribbled something non-related on the notepad which I mindlessly vandalised. I tapped my pencil on it, making fine pencil lead markings and punching holes into the fragile pad. The words came randomly, the images blurred. I see a faint smile, hear a slight laughter, sense a tear of sadness... too much thoughts and emotions, everything is a whirlpool. It is driving my sanity to the brink of collapse.

Oh.... spare me the agony...

Slowly I walked to the fridge and grab a handful of ice cubes. One by one I dropped that into my favorite crystal clear wine glass. I always love the jingle of ice knocking around the glass. For a moment, I felt serenity. I pour some chivas and settle down by the balcony. How I wish she was beside me at this moment. She is now gone... sipping on the brown liquid, I can almost smile the scent of her perfume that has fully penetrated the cushion that I am using now. Her soft and gentle touch... her sweet melodious voice... her soothing kiss... her warm hugs...

Gone... all gone...

Will you kiss me one more time? Will you hug me one last time? You will say you love me one more time?

Last Requests.... ones that will never be fulfilled...

I rocked the ice slowly... another sip... I began to close my eyes...

It felt heavy...

It is heavy...

I'm drifting...

I'm gone...

Surrealism - Last Requests(Part I)

2006-04-19T04:48:00.000+08:00

"I won't believe every single thing you tell me anymore..."

I woke up with a headache. It was three twenty five in the morning, shown by the digital clock beside me with it's bright red LEDs. Hell... I need some pills to give me some good night's sleep. I raised my palm to my face, slowly I rubbed my eyes with them shut with all my strength. I can't remember when is the last time I had a good sleep... and when is the last time I heard something that I can believe.

Things changes so rapidly...

I pulled my legs to the side of the bed. One of my legs are numb, while the other is dead. Slowly I massage each of them to get the blood flowing... my mouth is parched. Slowly I moved to the kitchen to grab that drink... I swallow slowly the liquid that is almost as tasteless as my life now... My head throbbed....

Damn...

"Is it what you really meant to say?" I pleaded at the phone. I almost want to throw it to the ground when I heard that. All the lies, all the deceit, all the crazy accusations, all the heartaches.... "Just tell me, are you really leaving? If you are, I'm leaving too..."

What an ending...

I left the room in a hurry... the phone is dangling from its cord by the wall. I took one last look at the key that has been the path to my soul. I didn't even had the chance to tell anyone how I felt about this... Will someone out there explain to me why things had to happen in this way? I almost cried at the picture that is hanging on the wall. Life was so much better six months ago.

It all happened before I knew it...

I took out the letter that I have written for the past three nights. I haven't sealed it yet. I was wondering if I need to add anything. I took it out and read it one more time. I felt a wave of warmth swarming me. Then suddenly I felt cold. I felt weak. I felt I want to vomit right at the spot. I almost fainted. I legs felt soft... I sat down by the fence separating the Beths and my place...

The letter whispers....

'Dear Angel,

I had wanted to sit down with you for a long time to talk about us. I wonder if you would have expected this letter coming. I think you might. You always say that I don't tell you how I feel about things. Maybe I talk too little, or is it that I never had the chance to talk? Or have you not been listening?

I remember the day when we both went onto the hilltop on that starry night... we sat there quietly, wrapping in each other's warmth. We counted the shooting stars, and made countless wishes. We gazed at the constilations, wondering if they really dictating our futures and lives. We slept under the full moon that night, within each other's embrace. And we promised each other, that every night will be like tonight...

Did you remember the day when I ran to your office, sending you your contact lenses that you've forgotten. And the other day when you forgotten to bring out your bag and I bail you through the whole night? Did you remember the day which your boss was so harsh on you that you cried over the phone? I was on the phone with you from my place until I reached your office, offering you a shoulder and a handkerchief?

I didn't really know what has happened, and this you never will be able to explain... I was want to tell you about how I feel and my last requests to you, my dear angel.

Will you listen to me one more time? Will you patience last that long?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"

I couldn't bare to read at this moment. I wrap my arms round my knees, pulling them in. My head was down and I can suddenly see a drop of tear falling to the ground. I looked up at the letter again.... It was already stained with some of my tears... over the nights, when I add slowly and painfully everything that I felt....

It is all ending soon...

(Part I)

Outstanding!

2006-03-27T02:34:00.000+08:00

One day, if you see a 1.84m mass limping around AMK, with a visible injury on his left ankle, that could be me.

I've just went for an operation on my left ankle. Well... after 5 long years I am finally going for my ligament re-construction operation. Seems like my left ankle ligament is really busted. Too much damage on a few of them. Spent a few days in the hospital too... hell man... I love the food there... wooooo...

......
............
..................

yeah right... No lah, I haven't went for any operation, neither have I been to the sinseh. But if you see the same limping mass, it could still be me.

Yes, I have refused to listen to advices to stop playing soccer for the time being. The purpose is to rest my sprained left ankle. This is due to my cap telling me we only have 7 players.

So yeah... like a good soldier and committed player, I went along with my gear. Yikes... we have 16 players today! But many of us are indeed playing with injuries here and there. My cap is playing with two injured ankles, me one. My right back with a twisted ankle and a busted O2 tank. And some other minor minor stuff here and there.

We are quite depleted, as far as the defence department is concern. But amazingly, today we saw 2 players who have disappeared for the past half a year, making their debut in our new jersey. I was sitting out for most of the first half until my cap gave up and sent me into the fray.

First thing I did was to go into a hard tackle with my left leg. Bad choice... my ankle hurts like mad. I had to rub it like a chinese sinseh during half time and give it a tight bandage to give more support.

Amazingly, the second half was much better. I didn't really feel so much pain. Maybe it is because my captain wasn't around and I was more or less taking over the command of the game. I was sprinting, tackling, heading, shouting, manhandling and doing all sort of dirty work on the field.

I was working on adrenalin... and it ran out very close to the end of the game. I came off, but after 2-3 minutes the game ended.

One thing for sure, I need to get my damn fitness back again. The injury had been untimely and unnecessary. My stamina is shite. But my aggressiveness is still there. And over the years I've got more dirty... ha... maybe pace lose a bit already. So have to resort to lil tricks to survive. Ha... no no... I'm still one of the fairest players around. ;) Outstanding!!!

Yeah... on soccer.... LIVERPOOL WIN THOSE CANNOT MAKE IT BLUESHITES!!! 203rd Merseyside derby winners! Best of all, an ex-manc Philip Neville open the scoring. Great goal! Luis Garcia's goal is what a goal poacher produces. Brilliant interception! Brilliant technique to send it sailing over Richard Wright. Perfect! Harry Kewell is beginning to prove his worth... with a thunderbolt that left Richard Wright searching for his rocket boosters! OUTSTANDING!!!

Yeah... yup yup yup... hahahahahahahaha................

Crap shit

2006-03-25T08:42:00.000+08:00

So, what am I to talk about after so long? Work? My personal life? Well... let's start with work.

Freak... I suddenly thought that I rather not talk about work. Cause it is nothing but crap shit. It has been downhill since the last time I spoke of a rosy prospect.

Then lets proceed to what's been happening around. Firstly I have been pretty sick these days. For the past one month plus I have been sick and injured mostly. Be it a persistent cold, diarrhea, sprains and headaches... I think that gives you a pretty good picture of what's been happening.

What had been buffling me is the way each individual treats others. There is this person who recently told me how she can't forget one incident that apparently made her so pissed about me and me as a person in the whole. Apparently my refusal to speak of my true feelings have given a negative reflection. In fact, why I never said anything was due to my patience, in which I had refused to blow up in her face.

But somehow, she took it badly, and ever since had a certain notion that really made me wonder how she ever conceived such an idea... I believe between two individuals there will always be lil conflicts here and there. But between one another, we always have to weigh the good times and bad times that each of us spend together. I really believe 99% of the time we spent together were happy and enjoyable. And I believe she thought so too. But somehow, towards me, her patience is as short as a thumbtack. And every good thing I've done is taken for granted and more or less something which I should have done.

The same thing happened in the company as well between some operator and me last night. I pride myself as someone who is fair and always try to give clear and good instructions in order to help everyone. Never have I once do anything purely on selfish nature in the course of work. I try to think of everyone before making decisions, be it simple or tough ones. And sad to say, people are not the same. They will at times try to take advantage of the care and benefits I showered them.

Disappointed to a certain extent, but I got my cool in my pocket. I won't change too much on how I treat people and handle issues, but I got good advices from my pals at work. Only be good to people who deserves it. And that I understand fully over the years when I deal with people, be it at army, work, study or daily life.

Back to the issue of the gal previously. Frankly I can't understand why I have to be treated like that. I suppose this isn't the first time people are treating me in this manner. In fact, I can't remember how many people will run to me crying when everything is doom and gloom. But when everything is rosy and sunny, where the hell are they? Basking in the sun of course... where I am left behind again. Disappointed in her actions but well, it's her choice so I have not much I can say about that. Everyone is unique in their own ways and react differently to different people and situation. Perhaps I am just unlucky in some sense. But I learn each time. I'm still learning.

Well I suppose that's all for now. I didn't really say everything but I think it is good enough for now. In fact i said less than 20% of the whole damn story. But heck man...

Zip Zip

2006-01-25T02:40:00.000+08:00

Went on another shopping trip... blown money away again.

1) Hugo Boss Soul $69.90
2) Mizuno Singlets $43.70
3) Jeep Bermudas $34.30
4) Giordano Jeans $34.40
5) MJ $15.00
6) Starbucks $10.30
7) Mac $5.00
8) Drinks $4.00

And I still haven't bought my shoes...

I went to Novena Sq today. Ting told me there is a adidas shop there that sells stuff at 30-50% discounts. So went from Bugis to Novena to take a look. The stuff there are a bit older... but if you are looking for simple adidas stuff, no harm going there.

But I felt uneasy when I reached Novena... it felt like hostile zone. I dislike the place instantly. In fact, I just looked through the stuff at the shop so quickly, I think I was out in a flash. Actually, not really... nothing caught my eye. But I am damn sure I just want to get out of that place as soon as possible.

I hate that place...

But... I sure like the spray I got myself... the bottle is great, the fragrance is alright though. The sales girl was telling it is more of a spicy fragrance. She let me tried another as well... can't remember which one was it. I inquired about the price, $90+ for a 70ml bottle, and the price above for the 50ml. I asked to see the 50ml, nice design, perfect size. I took the 50ml instantly. I think the girl was a little surprised by my split second decision. Dumbstrucked for like a second or two... then she happily led me to the counter. Wonder if she made any commission out of it. There was another fella down there too. Very friendly, even said 'goodbye and hope to see you again'.

But today had some problems with the cards at Giordano though. At starbucks, I haven't had a problem. Swiped and signed. Giordano, nope... I was left standing and waiting for quite some time. Switched to another card, still cannot. Ha... in the end, paid by cash. They must be wondering why I never used cash in the first place.

Sometimes I wished for more days like this. Not that I was really a shopping fanatic, I was more of, you know, loving the feeling that I can sit in coffee house, sipping coffee and eating a cheesecake in the middle of a weekday afternoon. Not many people around, but enough for me to check out some of the afternoon crowd while I sit in the aircon environment enjoying my coffee. And to see kids playing at the fountain... that is really one hell of a feeling.

Another thing I realised is, I love going to the major bookstores. And I am particularly inclined to finding books that had been made into major blockbusters like The Godfather and The Firm. Of course, some times I pick up books that catches my eye. Anyone has discount cards or something like that? Help me out on this. Ha...

I still need my shoes... Budget budget budget... ha... hell with it! It is Chinese New Year! I am entitled to new shoes! Thursday, before work...

O'rite, off I go!

Good books, Good shows

2006-01-19T02:08:00.001+08:00

Check this out if you haven't done it yet.

Great show, 3 parts.

Come to think of it, part I was done in 1972, part II in 1974, but why part III was only done in 1990? From the two parts I've seen, it is obvious that it has to be continued. Well... will never get this straighten out for now.

But for now I've got to say this.

WATCH IT IF YOU HAVE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE!

Part I gets you thinking...
Part II gives you more...
Part III... I haven't watch it yet too.

Books:

I've finished Memoirs of a Geisha recently. Almost fantastic... It is good, just too bad I watched The Godfather together with it. So the latter got the accolades more. Ok I'm biased. Sue me...

Now I am beginning on The Testament by John Grisham. So far it has been pretty good. Hard to keep the hands off them.

Get them! The Testament is selling at $8 only. The Memoir can get 20% off at popular, and generally is cheaper than the major bookstores. Go get them!!!

......

2006-01-03T02:48:00.000+08:00

I have been getting sickly recently. I wonder if it is the noodles I have been eating or the mood that is affecting my physical being. I think it is the latter. But despite the not so ideal conditions my body is in, I woke up pretty early to join up with my pals for a game of mahjong. Not the best game I had, not because of the people I played with or the game itself. I was sleepy mostly throughout the game and I felt my body was so drained. I was pretty surprised by it myself too.

Finished the game losing some money. While trying to stand up I found my knees almost giving way. My thighs are like jelly... unbelievable. Think it is the lousy rest I had been getting these days.

Nonetheless, I went with them to the soccer game after. I felt like vomitting initially, but soon when the game start, the feeling went away. But I had hell of a game, ran like I was possessed by some spirit. I was only stopped in my tracks when my lungs began protesting the excessive stress I am placing them under. But most of the game, I was like covering every blade of grass from the centre midfield to my area and left back positions. It was really a good test of my physical endurance.

I got back... hungry, but refuses to eat. I don't know why. Actually I know why... just that I don't want to acknowledge it. Anyway... I had myself some milo and biscuits over the time from I got home until now. I just cooked myself some noodles again. Later going to eat them, when I am done with this post.

I feel down, I feel tired. Frankly I don't feel like writing much anymore these days. I want to write about things that I can cheer about, but none is happening at the moment. I have tried to stay positive for most of the time. But they do have their limits as well.

I'll stay away for some time, how long that I won't know. Until I get better news or I feel like writing my online story again, I'll be somewhere else. But for now, I'm still here.

Reds and Blues

2005-12-28T02:28:00.000+08:00

Blues:

I had been pretty sick over the weekends. Worked on my night shift over xmas eve and got home real tired. No... not that xmas holds much weight in my schedule, but well, people like to ask what I did for xmas eve and the day itself. So yah... I was working. Been rough... So I got home on xmas day itself, ready to throw myself into bed. But my cousin brought along her kid and another cousin's kids. They went into a rampage in my room, refusing to let me sleep as they want to hang on to this dear laptop.... mmmm... now I am wondering if I should put this under Reds or Blues. Ok... I sort of enjoyed their presense. To see joyful innocence in them, I am really envious of their almost carefree life. Looking at them made me forget about the troubles I had in my mind. It is a tranquil feeling... I just can't be alone. Where my mind will start torturing my soul again...

Well, anyway, because of the lack of sleep, I fell sick. It was a pretty ugly sight... I mean myself on xmas day. I slept through the whole of xmas, and boxing until 4+. I had to get myself off bed to get to work again. It wasn't the best night again. Hell of a night.... plenty of issues. I wasn't in the best of moods, and I chatted very little with the rest of the people over the night. I just wanted to get home.

Reds:

Liverpool has been winning! It has been 15 long years since we last see a little success on the trot. It has been quite a wait for all liverpool supporters. Hope we can smash those asses of those blueshites tomorrow night at goodison!

I got out with some friends and had some time chatting and playing mahjong. It makes me forget my own troubles...

And I just got my NS posting. Yup... at long last. When is my reservist?!?!?! I have been waiting for so long!!! hahaha...

yeah... that's about it!

Interesting...

2005-12-23T02:44:00.000+08:00

Bad stuff aside,

Had dinner with Thim yesterday night(yea, it is after 12 already). She is indeed an interesting character with very interesting interests in life. We had a pretty good chat over dinner, talking about IPs, information routing, building stress, transistors, 'lines', language preference, food preferences, proper diet, history, snails, horses, slime, cinnamon and etc etc....

In fact the spectrum is so wide, it is hard to believe we only chat for like an hour plus to two...

She has the most amazing interests in life, and the things she do can be quite astonishing. yea... and she is the most intelligent lady in her office! If you don't believe we can have a bet on it! Yea... and there are plenty of other stuff I am most facinated by her.

Yesh... and she still owe me desserts. So I am still waiting... patiently...

Oh yah... her car is pretty nice... no doubts, but can be a little messy. But who cares! ha...

It's the season to be ****?

2005-12-23T02:34:00.000+08:00

Fill in the blanks ladies and gentlemen...

I felt down these days. I think I am going through a patch similar to what happened during my year 3 semester 1. Everything in life is going wrong. I am heading into a direction that I see as dark and cloudy.

It is going to be bad times ahead...

Yea... it is doom and gloom these days. This morning I seen the most hostile sms I have ever seen... a brief exchange of smses... and my whole day had just started on the wrong footing. I feel tired... physically... and I feel drained out... mentally...

So much for efforts spent and time sacrificed most sincerely.

Anyway, the game is over. The End.

Next is work... my new boss is throwing me into a dilemna. He is giving me the shittiest job in this world. Or should I say he intends to give it to me. I have thought about it hard and thoroughly. I shall reject it right from the start... but hopefully he give me views some hoots... and spare me from this. Please... let me go... I don't want to be in the other situation... spare me a thought...

Family... I don't even want to say anything about it anymore. 10 years ago it is something like that, 10 years later, it has became worse... damn...

Give me a reprieve...

I will have to save myself again...

Never there

2005-12-21T00:50:00.000+08:00

It has been quite eventful lately...

Yah, over the weeks I have been jogging. Why would that be consider under 'eventful'? Of course, people who know me well will know how much I hate to jog. It is almost like telling me to go jump off from 50 floors. Well... for the sake of my team, I got to get my fitness up and stamina back again. So far it had been pretty effective. I can actually feel the difference during the soccer match. So yah... good to jog, swim and do some exercise regularly everyone!

Then over the weekend, went for a drink. Had a strongbow together with the fish n chips over at father flanagan's at chjimes. I must say it has to be the worst combination in the world. After that, my tummy feel kinda weird and I couldn't take anymore drinks. Basically the night was wasted away over there. Navin went back early as his girlfriend was complaining. Ting went to chat with some of his friends and I was basically sitting alone watching portsmouth playing against I can't even remember which team. It was so damn boring... When hanacek came along, he was asking why I was alone. Next he proceeded to criticise the poor service at the pub. The week before the lady was better. When she cleared our empty cups, she would ask if we want any more drinks. But last weekend it was this guy. Very passive and don't smile at all. Didn't bother about our empty pints as well. Hanacek was hugely unimpressed. We left after watching the game. I almost fell asleep while chatting with Hanacek. It was that boring...

Sunday I had a soccer game. Played pretty alright I think. I haven't had a game for quite some time since... mmmm... quite some time. Somehow I got a feeling my brain is failing me already... But the game was pretty good. It was a simple game although we conceded two goals. I won't really say they were my fault, and we won the game after all... so well, didn't really matter in the end does it? Important thing is I had fun at the game. But I picked up a back injury that day. Initially it felt quite painful... actually I still ain't sure what is the extent, but now it feels like a bruise. So hope it isn't too bad and won't affect much of my walking or have any permanent damage to the back...

The stuff that messed up again is my work. After changing of boss, now he want me to move to another shift, another fab. I ain't really keen on doing that actually. I prefer to stay in my fab and more critically, my current shift. I like the people in my shift and we share a lot of stuff in common. So... mmm... think I would tell my boss as soon as possible about how I felt. One thing he told me that day was that I had a good reputation in the company so far, which also puzzled him.

After I heard that, I am really thankful to Hafiq(It has to be him who has been 'advertising' me). I knew he has a lot of faith in me and wanted to groom me in a sense. Now I am a bit disappointed that he had left for another department. Not just in my own personal issue. Hafiq is a good boss, guide and mentor. He is genuinely interested in the fab issues, and constantly wants to be updated on the statuses. I respect him a lot for that and I put in a lot more effort in my work, a major influence being him as the boss.

And with him as my boss, I'm sure I have more chance to shine. Even when the management had not seen me before, they already know me. I myself am quite puzzled at times too. That shows how much weight Hafiq's words are worth... but too bad ar.. now I suppose I have to work hard on my own self and excel/shine.

I had wanted to find someone to talk about this, but that person is never there. Oh well... never mind actually. It just gives me a few more insight to how the situation is currently.

Yea... so yah that's about it for now. gotta go sleep, tmr meeting hanren early at bugis...

seeya guys!

Shuffling and tossing

2005-12-14T21:52:00.000+08:00

I just got used to living a life so often undisturbed. Now it is about to be shaken again.

My boss just changed. I like my previous boss, and I wonder why some of my colleagues don't. Or should I say counterpart... yes I have to agree when it comes to administration, he isn't really the best. He tends to forget things like my OT and some of my mandatory trainings. But he really cares for me, and gives me opportunities which some others don't. He pushes me to do work, keeps me on my toes by constantly asking me on the line issues. Not that he is keeping an eye on me, but because he is genuinely interested in the line issues. He also keep a lookout for me, and giving me guidance whenever I need them, with the ultimate patience in any situation.

I screwed up big time last saturday, and all he did was give me a mini reprimandation(although I told the whole world I got screwed big time... hahaha). I respect him to the max really. He is the kind of boss whom I am most willing to work for and give my extra 100% for. But well... now he has gone over to another module... all I can say now is...

All the Best Hafiq! (Hope you get promoted soon!)

And all this time, I had wanted to talk about it. But well, not really having the chance. It is a disappointment, but I have already got used to the feeling. Actually not really, but more or less I'm coming to the grip of it. I have my own life to live... and my own concerns to take care of too. I won't count on anyone anymore to give me promises which are too hard to keep. Even though to me, they are simple as ABC, but to them, it is as hard as scaling Mt Everest...

Shuffling shuffling...

Life is like playing a game of dice. You get to toss at times, you let others toss at times. You win, you lose. But always, the result is changing...

Everything is changing always...

It takes some time to get used to it all, doesn't it?

Gripe more you asshole!!

2005-12-06T01:34:00.000+08:00

I just finished griping, and saw that what I have written is virtually all the negative thoughts that I have pent up all along.

Have you watched You've Got Mail? When one says everything out at one shot, he/she is bound to regret soon after for all the words sprew...

Now I know what that freaking means. I sent an email pronouncing the world is dead and shouting accusations to someone. I am sick, I am thinking negatively. But after griping and thinking through it, I realised I am the biggest idiot ever standing on the surface of the world. Almost... I still agree on many parts of the email, just that the fire is too hot for the type... ha...

I had to send an apologising email after that to hammer myself and ask for forgiveness.

Did I hear someone shout 'WUSS' in the background? To some I may be one, but to admit the wrong I am in, and the hurtful words I used, is courage, that is my own opinion. You can slate me for all you want...

I will just say the divine words to you 'FUCK YOU!' followed by 'FUCK OFF!'

no maybe not... to people like bangwen and terence I would. hahaha... those assholes...(actually I always wanted to use SOB, but it is just not right, cause I aint scolding them, I am scolding their mums. Which in my opinion is a big NO NO.)

ok enough, the champagnes all dried up... gotta stop.

Another bottle pls...

Pour the champagne

2005-12-06T00:47:00.000+08:00

How life went past these days is of a little mystery to me too. I haven't felt more alive than I used to be. How do I say that, or should I say what happened that prompted my statement.

Simple enough, I fell sick. Yesh, that is right, I fell sick. Not just physically sick, but mentally too. If I aint alive, would all these happen? Of course not. I am only truly human when one fall into a coughing fit, nose that is runny all the while, and shivering in the hot afternoon sun. Actually it isn't that hot, just warm. But that is good enough. Just want to get my point across that is.

As for my mental state. Yesh... it is not exactly in the best frames of mind recently. I felt neglected, I felt things are very different from the past. There are new friends I made, new things I got exposed to. But some experiences just keeps on coming back to haunt me again and again.

Spare me please... what have I done to deserve such an action upon myself? I always thought that I had done my best, and in return all I get is a simple thank you. People don't get wrong ideas, unless someone give it, be it willingly or unwillingly. I heard what Celia told me the other time, you never fight hard enough, you just give up so easily. For the things one wanted, you will have to go to the very end, until everything is gone...

I listened and I understood. I wouldn't give up. But am I given a freaking chance to prove that I am the one deserving of the spot in our lives? Just tell me even in a million years, you will still stick with the person who gave you the pack of lies so many years ago. I will stand down and say 'that's it, I give up!'.

I am freaking incoherent man...

Surrealism - Drowning the Past

2005-11-23T17:00:00.000+08:00

“I’ll call you in a while k…”

I sat by the phone waiting for some time. Seconds, minutes and hours gone by and nothing was heard, except for the leaking tap dripping incessantly in the kitchen sink. The shroud of darkness crept into the room as evening beckons. I looked out from my room and see the overcast skies, waiting to unleash the pent up rain again. It has been rainy these days, nonstop…

A sign of sadness…

I sat down by the balcony, into the embrace of the chair that we bought together some time ago. It was meant to be a little corner where the two of us can just relax and read books and newspapers during the weekends, with a soothing cup of juice to chase away the heat in the hot summer days. A little sanctuary, with just the two of us…

Our little lovely haven…

A flick of my lighter, I lit up a cigarette and see the smothering end burn in the dark. A took a deep drag, and watch the smoke disperse slowly as I exhale. The two of us is just like the cloud that appeared… slowly disintegrating into nothing ever existed. I buried my face in my palms and I can feel the numbness in my soul. The downpour begins but I can feel warmth in my palms… from the tears that flowed from my crying eyes…

I crumbled as heaven cries for me…

Things have changed, I have to admit. She is no longer the princess that I have known ever since she came back. She has a life that is no longer integrated with mine. We are no longer in touch of each other’s life. And it doesn’t matter to her anymore whether I am concern or not. She is like a butterfly, finding a flower which complements her beauty more than mine. And so she left for someone else…

My wild guesses…

I sat up and pull myself off the chair. Closed my eyes… I set my mind on a recovery course. I see giant waves in my mind, engulfing all the thoughts that were splashing all over just now. Slowly every lingering and painful thought get washed away… but I am no immortal. The scar is deeply engraved into the core of my heart. Oh how it hurts…

I need a drink…

Slowly as I swallow the shot of whiskey. I feel the blood vessels dilating and heart pumping faster after every second. Reaching for the bottle, I poured myself another five shots. It was mechanical as I downed every single one of them. Feeling the clouding of my mind, slowly I drift into a state of semi-consciousness. The thoughts come in bits and patches… and none of them of happiness which I once tasted.

Drifting off…

The rain had stuttered into a slight drizzle that comes and goes when I woke up in the middle of the night. I can feel a slight shiver as the temperature drops and the cold wind blows. The cold damp air almost made me forget about the splitting headache resulting from the boozing. I pulled my crumbled state into the room, closer to the warm patches of my floor rug. I remembered having a horrible dream, of the two of us arguing over the phone. I was angry, and I was hurt… and I remembered slamming the phone to the ground… everything that I will do only in my dreams. I couldn’t bear to shout at her, scold her or even throw the phone with her over it. I only do them in my own dream world… all because of a pure blind love…

I recited to myself the poems that I’ve written to her…

‘They are beautiful, but don’t be like the stars…’

I couldn’t continue with the rest. I would need more drinks if I continue… I have to stop myself from this fall, before I spiral into a case of depression. I popped a couple of painkillers before heaving myself onto my sofa. I thought to myself, even the storm will pass, and the sun will shine again. I’ve got to pull myself out of this mess…

And I will…

Surrealism - Fear and Tear

2005-11-09T05:15:00.000+08:00

“Miss you too…”

Those words kept on repeating in my heart, while I stand in front of her apartment in the rain. Those were the words before she left… the time when she left, was never the same as now. It is so different now, and I can feel it in every bit of my mind and soul…

It is so hard to believe…

Slowly my hand rose, gingerly as I press the bell. Heard in the distance is the ring. I can almost feel the emptiness of the house in my heart. I just stood there as rain splatters all over me. What is a few hours in the rain compared to the time that she has left my side? As the cold creeps under my coat, I can almost feel the world spinning around me.

For a moment, the world seems to have stopped…

I reached into my pocket, and I touched something that is so important… once. It left me pondering for a few moments. I knew I shouldn’t do it, but I just can’t control it. I pulled out the key into our… her apartment. Memories flashed through my mind in an instance. The emotions that it brought engulfed me as I felt a glister of tear forming at the corners of my eyes. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. But even that wasn’t enough to stop the trembling of my hands…

And the key fell from my hands…

I can almost feel the falling in slow motion. “Ting…” as the sound splits my thoughts. Is it that time has stopped, or is it the rain? I must have been dazed for some time… the rain has already toned down to a slight drizzle. A slight breeze is picking up… seemingly to blow away the lost thoughts in the wind. As I gain back my senses, I thought of the key that I had dropped and I looked down…

The key is there on the floor, and a familiar hand is picking it up…

Slowly I traced from the hand to the shoulders, and to the face… it is indeed her. The same captivating eyes that twinkles like the stars. The same smile that is as sweet as honey. And the same rosy cheeks that always remind me of the morning sun. But I was speechless… I have lost the words that I had all this time in my mind… I had so much to say, but in the end I left them in the back of my mind…

Lost in the midst of time that had gone long ago…

We stood there in the drizzle for a moment… in silence… somehow maybe she knew what I was here for, and what I was thinking. But she kept that smile on her face, giving a mixed sign… I wonder if I should just tell her how I am feeling these days. She told before not to keep feelings to myself. She told me before not to let these feelings get me down. She told me a lot of things… and I learnt a lot of things. She made my life so much different…

Life would never be the same if I hadn’t known her…

“You’ve been away for quite some time sweetie…” and that is all that I muster. Pathetic… maybe when it comes to her, I always have my tongue tied up. And I try to keep my words as careful as possible. I try not to make her irritated with my words. She once said how good I am at managing my words. But now…I have so much to say but…

What is happening…?

“Why are you so quiet?” she asked as she hands me the key. “I see that you never lose my key…” she flashed her smile again as she said that. ‘My key, not our key’ somehow I feel I read into her words more than she intended at times. And I know it can be a bad thing. Sometimes I think it is the factor that made me so stressed at times. But I feel stress because she matters to me…

More than many others things in life…

“I miss you sweetie…” the words leak out of my mouth… “Very much…” She looked at me with the tenderest expression… and gave me another smile. It melted my heart. I wonder what she meant by that this time round. Frankly I felt that I have lost all touch with her… once I had always known what are the things on her mind, what she is going to do next, what she is going to say…

But not anymore…

I missed the days where I would share an umbrella with her… wrapping my arms around her waist… having her tagging on my arm while we walk through the crowds in town… having her in my embrace in the silence of the night… feeding her off my fork during meals… kissing her goodnights…

Will it ever come back again?

Ever since she is back, she had been treating me coldly, or should I say that is how I felt. She never replied to my mails, never return my calls. And even when I managed to get her, we would just talk for a few minutes. Had absence made such a big difference? Am I sinking too much into this whirlpool that had appeared in my world? Sometimes I worry too much. But can I not worry, when she is the one who matters the most to me?

This I know for sure… I can’t…

I looked into her eyes, searching for those stars that I will love and cherish all my life. The message that I wish to see from those lovely eyes of hers seems to fade away every second I gazed. I can feel a pain… with each and every single beat of my heart. Droplets flow down my face. No, it isn’t rain… it is warm, the tear of my soul. I am falling apart.

Can she feel my heart again…?

Surrealism - Rain and Pain

2005-10-28T00:07:00.000+08:00

“It can’t be happening again…”

The drizzle fizzles on outside, with a slight inclination of a looming storm ahead. I stole a glance out of the window, all the while hiding under the cover of my warmest blanket. It is going to be hell of a day… it wouldn’t be the case if I had not the need to leave the sanctuary of my room.

Work beckons… as usual.

Pulling off the blanket, the wave of cold engulfed my naked body. Shivers down the spine tickles my mind, sending tingling sensations down the spine… I grabbed a robe nearby to shelter from the cold. A quick visit to the loo, a splash of water on my frozen face… life slowly seeps, through every pore and flows through my body…

It is going to be hell of a day…

A quick browse through the papers, with the news reporting in the guest room. A sip through my favorite coffee and a bite of freshly baked muffins. Life suddenly felt so much better. ‘You can either choose to be happy or sad everyday.’ A simple thought, a quick smile…

It isn’t going to be too much of a hassle to go through today after all…

Positive thinking… way to keep my sanity and happiness in this dark and crazy world. I grab hold of my trench coat and top hat. Opening the oak door that shields my world from outside, I felt the onrushing lap of coldness upon me. Stepping out, I took a brief glimpse at my watch. 8.23am…

I’m late…

I felt every drop of rain on my trench coat. Walking along the path beside Everett Park, I can smell the drenched earth beside me. I loved that smell… always remind me how life can be as simple as can be, if you are willing to give up everything. Someday I will do that… someday. And I will live in the hills, nestling in the gentle warmth of nature.

Dreams to keep me alive…

And of course for now it remains a dream. What a better way to wake myself up from it, by reaching the steps of my office. “Heavy rain huh? If only I can be sleeping in my bed now…” I turned my head and saw Mr. Tang. Yea… I shared the same sentiments too. “Late too huh? Bladdy weather to be working isn’t it?” I acknowledge with a nod and a raised eyebrow.

“You know, she isn’t going to be coming back for you, anytime soon.”

I heard a voice in my mind saying that to me while I was typing away furiously at a report that I have been owing my boss for the past three weeks. In fact, I wonder if my boss remembered the report. Well I got my answer when my phone rang, and my boss inquiring about it. Just like every morning… I like to deceive myself a little at times. It does make life seem more reasonable at times. But reality is what we lived in, and rules are to be abided.

The sudden thought had my mind spinning off to another dimension…

I looked at the calendar seated right before the picture that we taken just a few months ago. Snowing mountains of Switzerland. It was beautiful… but things change. Or should I say changed. Everything is like a blur… before I can understand the situation, it was already gone. I felt a slight wrenching feeling in my heart. Things have indeed changed, and this is something I must not lie to myself…

Feelings falling to the ground again, like the rain from heaven…

Mr. Tang came by my office with a sandwich in both hands. “Egg with ham or tomato surprise?” as he slowly settled down in the couch by the side of my coffee machine. “Busy huh? What’s new in Mr. Lim’s work life again?” I managed a smile at him and threw a pencil at him. “Give me the egg.” And he duly obliged.

I began to lose my thoughts while I munched on the sandwich. “Thinking of her again? I told you she won’t be back to you so soon. Even if she does, will she feel the same again?” that question is indeed valid. Will she be the same again even if she is back? Will her tenderness be dwelling and her hugs warm? Frankly I have no idea… I feel that I have lost control of everything that holds to dear to me in that very instance… how I never felt the changes slowly unravel…

It is my own fault that things have gone this way…

She used to say how I am always willing to take up blame for issues between us even though it was never my fault. Well, when is the last time you hear anything about guys being IN the RIGHT? I loved her too much for her to feel that she is in the wrong. I rather I am the one in the dark while she is happy. Maybe I have been pressured too much, turning me into someone at times couldn’t care more. Sometimes I simply don’t care too…

Big mistake…

“Thanks for the reminder brother… and thanks for the sandwich”. He stood up and proceeds to the door. He knew that was his cue, and he knew it well. Not another word not another sound, he left as soon as he came. I fell into the hugs of my chair. A sigh escaped from my mouth… it has been a while. I can only pray hard that things shall tone down soon enough. I stared at the report that was half written on my computer screen. Five, ten, fifteen minutes passed while I pondered. I picked up the phone and dialed her number…

“I aren’t free to answer now, so if you want to date me out, either you find me first or ask my darling first! Either way, leave your message!”

Auto answering machines… how I hate them at times… I reached for my coat and hat. It has been a day to forget. I walked down the stairs slowly… thirty eight floors… that should take some time. The echo of my steps down the spiraling stairways shattered the silence that it has held for all so often. It will take some time indeed… and for me to settle out my thoughts for now.

Sentimental…

Forty minutes later… I am in the rain again… I have left without telling anyone… but people will know I am gone for now… it is 2.39pm. It is going to be a long walk, and it will take some time… I have time…

And I start off on my journey for now…

No more of melacholy shits...

2005-09-06T05:53:00.000+08:00

No more melacholy shit for today...

Somehow today was kinda lucky in some sense. I decided to go back to company to 'donate blood' for the afternoon. Well if you guys don't understand what that means, it means I went back to work for free. I tell you, when people see you coming back and it's not your shift, the first question they ask you is 'You today come donate blood?'. And when your answer is 'Yalor...donate blood...', the reactions do vary but eventually are equally negative.

1) 'Wahlau... donate blood sia...'

2) 'You spoil market leh...'

3) 'You sure you not getting anything?'

4) 'Siao boh? Free? Not even TO?'

5) 'You stress me leh... work so hard...'

6) 'etc etc...'

I give an equally nonchanlant answer 'Well...once in a blue moon lah'... Luckily I came back work today. The night shift engineer called me at 5 plus today. Then he said he need some help from me. I asked what... ha... guess what, he wanted to ask me to cover him for tonight! That was when my mentor's words come into my mind. He said today to me 'Actually, sometimes donate blood got it's benefits'. So I asked him what they are. He just say 'Got one... got one... don't worry'. So in the day itself, it manifested immediately. And before the engineer can asked for help from counterpart, I told him we were going out together to celebrate his birthday... I don't know if we were lucky, or is it him being sway or something. But well, think he came back anyway.

Another thing is, I've heard there is another engineer coming in to replace the engineer I was talking about in the above paragraph. That's because he is leaving the fab to go over to device side. So it is a transfer of department. So we are getting new blood, fresh meat. It is pretty amazing, that I am only 3 months into my work, and I am about to become the second most senior engineer in my fab... Now that's fascinating huh? Previously one just resigned, one got transfered, now another got transfered. I think my fab and department just got the newest guys around. So get ready to see more screw ups coming up in my fab... haha... think he is coming over to be my counterpart soon enough. Today is his date to reply to the offer of the job. I wonder if he agreed.

So a raw estimate: if he accepts today, he probably will go for his medical checkup on friday. That takes one week. So if it passed and the company decided to draft him in, using a conservative estimate, he should join the company at the end of the company, say 29th. He will have his two weeks of orientation training first. That means he will come up at 14th Oct. Do two weeks of normal shift with the boss. That would be the end of the month. By then, Mr L would have left for device. Then SY would go over to cover his shift. Start to follow shift engineer for three weeks. By then, I think I would have to cover permanent night shift for at least around two months. Yah... that's right. His shift will be empty from the start of Nov, so Ang will probably be covering it for the day. Conservatively estimating, he starts to cover day shift by himself from 24th Nov, taking four weeks. Yah... basically I might just be doing night shift all the while for both Nov and Dec. Hmmm... wonder if that is a good thing. Especially for ramped up quarter... yikes...

Well... the good thing is I can look forward to a bigger paycheck for the two months. For wasting my health away... hahaha... not exactly actually. I always get myself a can of 'snake tongue' drink everytime I do night shift, to keep the fire down you know. And sometimes I like night shift, sometimes I don't. Similarly for day shift. So might as well do night shift, where I got time for myself and I can do somemore reports too. And not to exclude the long breaks outside too. hahaha...

That's about it for work for now. After that, we went to celebrate SY's birthday. First we went to coffee club at taka for dinner. We reached pretty late, think about 745pm or something like that. I was having my panges of hunger since 5pm... so eventually it developed into the famous gastric pain. I got the first bites in, and finished it real fast. But think it just stayed there and I kinda fizzied out for a while.

We didn't stay in coffee club for long. After the last bite was finished, we immediately asked for the bill. We got our butts off and moved over to swenssens down opposite the road. There was where all the fun started. Initially we were just having ice-creams for a start. But due to my pain in the stomach, I was kinda quiet for some time. But when Andrew started on his nonsense, I was laughing so hard I forgotten the pain. So basically we were just crapping and talking nonsense, especially talking about the show 'Dong Cheng Xi Jiu'. It's a classic comedy from 1993/4, can't really remember which one it was. We just laughed and laughed and laughed. I actually laughed till tears appeared in my eyes. It was that crappy...

When kh whipped out his camera, we were all psych up to take pictures. When the waiter came over, click...nothing. Empty batt... damn... kh switched batteries... empty batt again... So he whipped out more batteries. This time round it lasted at least through our excessive photo taking session in swenssens... And we also managed to capture SY's cake and our barbaric way of eating the cake. It was cut into 8 pieces, and each of us just poke our fork in and eat the slice. Uncorth, but definitely the best and most fun way to eat it.

We were just skipping around to take pictures. And I managed to get 2 1/2 pieces of ice cream cake... hahaha... I had two slices and 1/2 from ML. She just can't finish her food! But her slice i was holding on for so long. Anyway, eventually I still got it into my tummy. Even with all the nonsense that's happening to my gastric juices. Maybe somehow the icecream did neutralise some of the juices, I just aint feeling the pain at that time. Took crappy lots of pictures... think more than 40 for about half an hour while we are clicking away. Think the people there must be thinking we are bunch of overgrown kids... ha...

The funny part... SY singing his own birthday song. Classic moment cause we didn't want to sing the song. Ha... and he blew out his candles halfway through. Mich has to light the candles for him again. When he finished, Mich has to clear the candles for him. When it's all nice and danty, he struggled with the cake. Too hard it seems. When he finally finished, Mich just said she's going to start first. That's where we started to eat with 'the fork poked in and eat like a potong' method. Crazy moments in the eatery...

Next we proceeded to KBox. Then my gastric started working up again. Initially I had inhibitions of going in, cause I don't want to spoil the party mood if it gets too bad. Then Mich say the rest had went in and told me to at least stay a while. So I went in as well. My gastric juices are very cooperative... they begin to retreat again at that moment. That's where we started to go mad in the KTV. Of course, it took some time to warm up. I aint much of a singing freak so I didn't join in initially. It was kinda cool for me for the front part. Until I sang my favorite hokkien song... It was smoother than I usually sing at home... ha... then SY's spirit was infectious. So basically we went a bit crazy when we sang some songs that were full of energy and life.

No, I should say the hokkien songs are the best... hahaha... brought out the spirit in some of us, cause Veron and ML don't understand much hokkien. Anyway when they sing their malay songs and canto songs, we also don't understand. ha... heck la... as long as we were having fun. SY is really into singing... he was really enjoying through the night. Our little Jay Chow. Well you guys can go hunt him down if you guys want to accuse him of impersonating your favorite idol. But he sings with quite a lot of passion and skill at times. At times... you get what I mean...

So we just blasted the roof away until around 2am. Settled the bill and went our ways home. The trip back isn't the most memorable... and I promised no melo stuff today. So I'll end it on a happy note...

Happy Birthday SY!

Bits left after a burnt out flame...

2005-09-05T03:59:00.000+08:00

Promise me you won't be unhappy... After what I have heard today, I have no idea how I am going to do that. Maybe I can, cause I won't be unhappy. I just won't be happy.

I've decided that there is a fairytale out there waiting for me, somewhere somehow. Someone told me before, that I just give up too easily. No patience, no tenacity, no persistence to find that winning touch, anymore...

Frankly I don't know.

I'm still fighting, rest assure that. There's nothing more that is worth fighting for than life's fairytales. Reality is made up of dreams. Dreams of yesterdays, years that's passed and sometimes never remembered.

Only when you have dreams, do you excel, succeed and conquer...

But now here I am, fighting a war that has no end, until the day the fairytale dies. Dying is inconsequantial... everything has an end. But believe me, I would do my utmost to make it a perfect ending. You get shot, you survive, then you better pick up a rifle and ammo, go into the big bad world, guns blazing again.

If not you just gonna end up the hospital again, nursing some wounds that will never heal...

Compassion is a virtue... and poison too. I've heard the same story over and over again. The show is on a rerun again. Once again the audience is sparse. There is only one person willing to watch it, alone once again. Once again I see the same old story, before my eyes, running it's black magic again.

I've got the save myself from this eternity...

Is it just me again, or am I in a place where everyone is faceless and seeing the same thing. The world is big enough for two in a same situation... One has two choices. One, stand up and walk out the theatre, and never finding out how the ending goes. Someday one might still find oneself in the same theatre watching the same movie again. Two, walk up to the movie projector, and switch it off. Take out the source and snap it into two. Throw it into the bin and out the theatre. And take a deep breath... the air will be fresher.

Life's choices...

One make them by themselves...

You have your decision to make. I'll stand by it and respect it. But for now, it will always be something like a fairytale to me...

Significance...

2005-09-04T23:29:00.000+08:00

Msg 1:

Then let your imaginative mind convince your reality mind. =)

Msg 2:

You promise not to be unhappy

Riding the waves, up and down

2005-08-22T15:35:00.000+08:00

Up and down, down and up... and it goes on and on...

What's the point of sending up to the highest clouds, only to send you back crashing to earth again?

What's the point of diving with me to the deepest ocean, only to cut my air supply when we are there?

Don't think too much... don't think too much... I don't want to be the one hurting you.

Can I?

Can I not?

No you can't...

Up and down, down and up.

No one in the middle of the night.

No more sleepy day after another 3 hours sleep.

No more chasing people off to bed.

No more 'Don't sleep!'

No more scary phonecalls.

No more...

Up and down, down and up.

Do you want to scold me one last time?

Do you want someone to be standing in the shadows waiting?

Do you know the time will be hell?

Do you know how much it really matters?

Do you know...

Down and up, up and down.

It won't be the same again when it is over.

It won't be as exciting when it is over.

It won't be so important for you anymore when it is over.

It won't be the air that you breathe when it is over.

It won't be...

Down and up, up and down.

I don't even know if we are standing on the same ground.

Am I on earth while you are in heaven?

Is the distance so far that we can't see each other?

But yet, it seems that we are so near...

Is it true, or is it just my imagination?

You said feelings are so divine, it tells the whole story.

I feel so much, it is not the picture I've seen...

A chance, an opportunity.

Give it to you and to me, and the rest of the world.

But will you?

Will I?

Give me one...

Hoo Ha, Hoo Ha!

2005-08-15T19:37:00.000+08:00

It has been almost a month since I last decided to write something to tell the world (wide web). Let’s see, after all I am in kind of a daze today, I might be able to trash out some interesting stuff.

Let’s see. Shall we start from the most boring one? My working life. Ok since the last time I've written, things have changed quite a bit here and there. I'm almost running the line alone these days. It is pretty simple actually. Just do the routine stuff which everyone else knows. When the tough nuts come along, call my boss. Ha... well, come on, I'm (for goodness's sake) still fresh. I still have the green strip on my jumpsuit. Oh... ya the green strip is an indicator of new people. Heard I would have to have it on my jumpsuit for 3 months. Initially I was kind of disgusted by having a green strip. It is those 'I hate been a greenhorn' mentality. Now I am learning to appreciate the benefits that comes with being a greenhorn.

I screwed up, I can just laugh it off and say I still have the green strip. And learn from the mistake without being screwed big time. Sometimes I am pretty lucky in the line as well. The other day I was working on this assignment that my boss assigned me. I made all sorts of mistakes. And these mistakes are really key mistakes. So initially it all the process just couldn't work. Then I told my boss and we went through the process together. Presto, we realized that the key mistakes immediately and we both learnt a few new things about the process. We both learn and we solved an issue that had been around for quite some time.

Nope... it wasn't a big issue, but it was quite a good morale booster for a new guy like me. I have some other issues on hand too, haven't finished yet too. We are going to have a meeting on Wednesday to report on our progress in the assignments and projects in hand. I was wondering what to tell my boss on the other stuff that I haven't even started on! Ha... but it is alright for now. One at a time, and he knows that when we are running shift, there are really very little time for us to do something else that is not line issues. So it wasn't that bad, considering I only came back one day to do that stuff. Haha… finding excuses for my incompetence.

Overall I am enjoying the work in my company. The people in my department are mostly friendly and helpful. I am running my counterpart’s shift at the moment and at another fab there is this lady engineer. We were doing something together that day for her fab, but using our co-owned machines. Halfway through, I screwed up and the machine hanged. She didn’t say anything and scold me, but just say be more careful next time. Haha… I remember pointing at my green strip and say ‘don’t worry, we both learn from this mistake. I am green strip so me screwing up is very normal!’ luckily the production lot in the machine and her test wafer wasn’t affected. If not have to spend some extra effort to solve the affected lots.

That is my department. Always friendly and ready to help. Plus I like the work I am doing now. I get to work in an environment where I am all wrapped up, and people won’t be scare off by my appearance! Well, actually not really. I have a colleague who came in somewhat the same time as me. She said she didn’t dare to talk to me in the fab because I look real serious and fierce in there. Sometimes I wonder if that is really the case. So the other day I went in and found this mirror just outside the air shower. So I put up my usual expression when I am in the fab and realized, yesh, I am pretty fierce looking, plus those specs, sure look like some kind of fab discipline master.

But hell no, that’s not the reason why I like my work. It is like the only thing in university I like is about semiconductor and the processes and devices. So now the work I am in is exactly what I like. Well, relatively actually. Ok ok… better give semiconductor technology some credit. I do like semiconductor stuff and I’m always amazed by the devices that people are inventing everyday. Such a small piece of stuff, and having even smaller details in them, having so many capabilities. And it’s something that we can see, not like radio waves or wireless communications, where all the stuff is ‘invisible’. And knowing that I am part of this incredible business is always encouraging and motivating, although we aren’t really in the best of the best technology production, where one can learn a lot more. But not that it is the only factor in my preference of a job. Satisfaction gained when a good job is done in an older technology fab is also good. Anyway, so far I am quite happy with this job and I can see myself enjoying working in this environment for quite some time.

(A week after)

Yes the stuff above was actually written a week ago. I stopped halfway, thought I can actually write about a day later. But nope, now then I managed to spare some time to continue writing.

I had my first day alone in the line. It really exposed fully my weaknesses in certain areas of my department. There are some machines which I am really bad at, and all the issues happening that day were on those machines. I was spending so much time looking at those recipes and sitting in front of machines for hours(not really hours, just an hour plus) to figure out the issues and how to write the recipes. The maintenance fellow for the day has the knack of disappearing for long periods of time, off his hand phone and be uncontactable for most parts of the day.

That’s where all my headaches begin to start.

I was troubleshooting…myself in fact. I was the problem because I don’t know the routine stuff. I was asking whoever I think is able to help me out. Managed to get bits and pieces of information here and there. Eventually I got the final product out… and verified by the maintenance fellow when he finally appeared again.

But the key thing here is I learnt from this experience, and I can function better in my job in later parts of my work.

Enough of my work. I got my gundam sets up already. But I haven’t done any of panel lines yet, they are not really considered completed yet. I have yet to get my hands on those proper super fine marker pens for my gundam sets. Probably I would make a trip down on Wednesday to TBR to see if they sell them. But I am sure they will, since they are model kit hobby shop. But generally they sell a few dollars more expensive then the rest of the really specialized shops, but not that I really mind it. Going to Bencoolen Street, the transport fee and the model kit itself may already cover the few dollars already. I finished my freedom, rx-78-2 and strike rouge. Now I’ve place the order for strike with aile striker and gundam wing zero, endless waltz version. First time buying online, so hope it would be a good and satisfying deal. I should be getting them soon, maybe next week.

Hands itchy, but wallet burning… next month I have to cut down on my expenses already as this month I have gone over budget already. You probably see me on fours, crawling around the field nearby. Eat grass…

Generally that’s about it for now… today another off day… really going to have a superb rest! I simply love this kind of life!

Seeya guys!

Beyond the Beautiful Rainbow

2005-07-19T14:41:00.000+08:00

Something I written for a friend about a year ago. So sad back then, so I thought of writing a poem to cheer her up. Now she's all happy and blissfully attached, she's got her ticket, to beyond the beautiful rainbow.

"Beyond the Beautiful Rainbow"

Gazing at the sky at night,
I see a light, o' so bright.
Beyond the world above so far,
It's my Angel's glorious Star.

I watch the rise and fall of tides,
With an Angel's presense by my side.
I see her glitter, see her glow,
And I see her soul, slowly grow.

She's got a Brave and Beautiful Heart,
Caught my mind like a speeding dart.
With a Smile that's ever so sweet.
Frankly, she sweeps me off my feet.

Her Soulful eyes tell of countless tales,
Of all she braved, storms and gales.
And of feelings that lay so deep,
Thoughts that lingers, she rather keep.

Her Beauty can launch a thousand ships,
But yet her soul lies hurt and weak.
A forced smile is what I saw,
But in her Heart, the Teardrops fall.

If this is what they call Destiny,
Let it not last for Eternity.
Please don't play tricks oh dear Fate,
Show my Angel the Happiness gate.

In Life's journey, she slipped and fall,
But soon she's up, standing tall.
And Life's tough, it slowly get,
But I'll be there with her, step by step.

Angel, be Brave and be Bold,
As the Future slowly unfolds.
Beneath the dark clouds is a clear blue sky,
And that's where I believe, You'll eternally fly.

As an Angel, beyond the Beautiful Rainbow

Be careful with impulses...

2005-07-11T21:22:00.000+08:00

The reason why I try not to get credit cards, is to save myself from impulses.

I've been looking through all the local sites with gundam model kits... man... I just felt like buying the whole lot straight away. Damn... It's like an interest from 12-13 years ago firing up again. But this time round, I can afford MG ones. hehhehheh... So be careful with the wallet.

Anyway, I was talking to KK today. Bummed into him at JP(what a place, he lives in Sengkeng) where I was trying out the sizes for a NB W900XJ. It was selling for $140+, but Amos was saying he can get 40% discount somewhere. So I was just trying out the sizes. I went in and luck was on my side. I asked for a size 9.5 and he brought to me a size 9 and 10. No 9.5 stock. So I tried the 9, which was way too small. For the 10, it was actually just perfect, with a little bit of space left. Of course must consider the socks that will be on as well, 10 will fit in snugly. With the thought in mind, i asked the helper 'you all really don't have 9.5?' 'No? mmm... Nevermind then. Thanks!' So I've got my size for the shoes. Can tell Amos on thursday. My new pair of running shoes! Woo....

When is the last time i went for a jog... can't even remember. I only remember junhao sprained his ankle when he went jogging with me that time. Ever since then, we never jogged together already. And I haven't jogged since that time. So it's about time I go jogging again. My stamina is like a deflated pack of potato chips. Hopeless.

Anyway, if I still have excess money this month, I might just go sign myself up for a model kit class. KK was telling me about how to use air brush, covering the grooves with some resin, drawing lines, blah blah... now I can feel the power of money! Of course la... know how to earn, also must know how to spend right? I save $ also so no worries. I only spend excess. Finance in control. Hahaha... yah right. This month's expenditure is atrocious, way too many unforseen expenditures. Well... have to spend on those anyway.

Next month will be better. Will get another gundam model! haha...

so far so good

2005-07-11T02:13:00.000+08:00

I've just finished my first week of night shift. Frankly speaking, it had been quite a mixed experience. But of course, seeing a busy night is actually how I can learn faster. If everything is so peaceful, then what is there for me to learn?

First thing is that I am pretty lucky to be in this shift. There are a few engineers in my department who are pretty friendly and talks quite a bit of crap. Most importantly they are not the type who are uptight and follows rules to the book. Relaxed type of engineer. At night having meals with them is always good. Though most of the time the conversations I can hardly join in due to the obvious gap and topics which I can't relate to. For example, the different brands of bed to buy and the lightings for their new homes. But overall it's still alright.

I had a pretty turbulent first night as the operators upstairs are OT personnel and they are not exactly spontaneous. Every damn thing they also ask for the engineers. Every single step they also ask engineer. Engineer do I do this, engineer can I do that, engineer, is it ok for me to do this? OK? OK? Well... the engineer I was following was just kept busy by these engineers. Then there are some issues that pops up once in a while. So I actually had a pretty interesting night.

Other than that, there wasn't really much issues. Well, there are some routine stuff that had to be done. And some machines went down once in a while. I learnt to tune some recipes and cleared some of my doubts. The three days were pretty fruitful in a sense. Though I didn't get to see as much activity as in the day, still get a feel of waht night shift is all about. In the day there are always bosses around, decision making time is much shorter. Things get done faster than night shift time. People are always looking for you. So well... things keep coming, in summary that is.

Well, I'm not going to type about all the technical stuff down here. It can get pretty confusing down here and of course... got some proprietry information. Yah... crap. Just not something interesting to talk about. But there are some people in the company that kind of stunned me.

There is this fellow who came into my company at the same time as I. We are working in the same fab same shift but different modules. One of the nights I was asking him why he doesn't go out of the company for meals. He told me he is under probation. Initially I was thinking he is under some kind of police probation or something like that. After that then he told me it is the company probation that he is talking about. Ha... Then I asked him 'yah... so what if you are under probation?' Then he told me he is scared of getting caught and then may get sacked by the company. I just went 'huh?!'. Talk about being rules abiding.... or I would prefer to say Kiasee... Anyway, being rule abiding is correct. I'm just a little more interested in my comfort.

Then he execute another stunt. I was copying some procedure at my desk when another engineer came up to his desk next to mine. Then he asked me if I know this fellow. So I said 'yah. came in together with me. why?' Can see that my friend was a bit irritated when he asked that. Then he started saying how cock that fellow was... how can anyone wear the wrong jumpsuit into the fab. I was just sitting there laughing... Then when that fellow came up, my friend niao him at the spot. Then that fellow said he thought it was his jumpsuit until he came out of the fab. Damn amazing... Then he cracked a lame joke. I sneak a peek at my pal by the side. Could see his dark face. Ha....

Damn amazing isn't it? Next time this fellow might just use the wrong recipe to do some amazing stunt again... shall see next time...

I reckon that was the most interesting stuff that happened throughout the three nights. Other than that it was work mostly. And I get to write my own passdowns with my mentor guiding me. Things are beginning to roll. I'm just waiting for my first butter session, so next time you guys can stay tuned and see how I get buttered. Heh...

OK la... that's about all for now. No work tomorrow though, but got used to the timings of sleeping. Must force myself to go sleep now.

See you guys!

yes, yes, umm, umm...

2005-07-05T23:19:00.000+08:00

That's what I have been saying mostly for the past 2 weeks at work. Starting my shift on thursday night, so tomorrow I'm off. That's why now got a bit of time to spend, typing here after another 10days?

I've been busy most of the time. It's really not as easy as it seems to be after all. Most say how stable my fab is. But well, equipments are old, production costs are high, parts are expensive... you get what I'm driving at. There are issues everyday. New, old, repeated, unexpected... everything under the sun basically. I'm trying my best to learn and contribute at the same time. My boss had been treating me very well and put in a lot of time and effort to train me. I can see that he has been sacrificing a lot of his time to spend time with me, making sure I am on the right path, and teaching me the important stuff that I need to know. Sometimes he's too fast, and I can't catch his words. He's a German, but converted to muslim already. Got married to a malay lady here. But he's still the great boss that I'm having. The issue is sometimes he strings his words together, so I catch only like 50-60% of what he's saying. So at times I just go Yes, Yes, Umm, Umm... But mostly I get what he is saying by piecing the words together.

Other then that, there are just 1000000000000000 and 1 stuff to learn... i've just learn a little bit of everything there is to learn there. It takes experience to know how things are going... and spot issues and nip them in the bud. I spend more time in the office to get things done and learn stuff. My boss is already thinking of giving me projects to do next week when we have our own mini department meeting. I can see at least 1 project, 1 DOE coming up. Maybe also a few recipes to come up with, and modify as well...

Well, that means work's coming up, and fun time too! If you like what you do, it's always fun. Improving how things work is always a satisfying issue. Completing tasks handed out is gratifying too. And to see your recipe works is definitely the best of the lot. There's plenty of places to find exciting stuff to do. But to fully enjoy the course of work, one thing is of critical importance. A good night's rest. I always seem to have bery poor sleep these days. So having a hard time concentrating at times. Initially when I just got up, I was really energetic because my sleeps were very good. So I was pretty sharp and absorb stuff really fast. But these days, pretty tired... maybe been using too much brain movement and staring too much of computer screen in the fab. Hmmm... maybe I should starve off computer also. Maybe make coming online a once per week issue. Well... will see about that...

Hmmm.... initially like there's plenty of stuff to write about... maybe some other time. So tired now...

See you all!

Disappearance report?

2005-06-25T15:15:00.000+08:00

Well... not to disappoint anonymous, I’ve decided to type an entry on someone else's laptop on this beautiful Saturday, where I should be sleeping. Ok, why sleeping? Wasting a person's life away some people say. Well, I certainly have other views on that. First, sleeping is a privilege. Sleeping is a luxury and sleeping in class is heavenly, especially if one is on training courses. That’s because $ is the easiest to earn when you are on course... and you are paid is to sleep! Ha... to learn to appreciate, u buggers out there!

Back to the important stuff. Why have I disappeared? Actually, maybe it's not that important actually. Damn... who really cares if I had disappeared or not?! Maybe I had drowned myself in a pot of piss or something. Well, not really a pot of piss, firstly because you probably won't drown in a pot of piss, more of ammonia poisoning! Secondly, drowning in a pot of piss is remotely possible. It would be more possible if I had drowned in a barrel of HF. hydrofluoric acid that is. Much stronger than HCL (our favorite chemical from secondary school!). Then again, I probably would melt instead of drowning. Oh shit... out of point again. Thank goodness this isn't a GP paper or something close to that.

Now where was I... let me re-orientate a bit?

Oh... ok, why have I disappeared? First thing is, I haven't disappeared physically, and I just disappeared for a while from the WWW. My computer had been gone for two weeks. I was using it for a while two weeks ago. But it just gave way suddenly. So I had been shut out from the net for two weeks. It wasn't that bad actually. From the two weeks, I realised I’m not a slave to the net. I don't do much on the net actually. Check my mails and stuff actually. Maybe just spend like fifteen useful minutes online. The rest is probably crap.

Just to sidetrack a bit again, if you guys notice, I’m always trying to type in proper words and sentences. It’s for my work purposes. I don't really wish to develop an improper manner to typing. Plenty of reports will be coming my way, so it's always good to type in good grammar structure.

Second point on why I have disappeared from www is that I’ve started working recently, for those who didn't know. Working as an engineer somewhere in AMK. That is the main reason why I haven't had the motivation to go library or MacDonald’s to find internet connections.

Tiring... n sleepy constantly.

These days I’m working on normal shift, that's 830am to 6pm. getting myself ready to get into the job. It’s not exactly the impression I had from all the classroom training and interview. Always heard from training people and during the interview that my fab is very stable and have very high yield. So I was thinking of a very relaxed life in my current job. When I got posted up, it was kind of different from what was painted. Maybe it was seen from another angle. There are always fine tuning everyday, and it's always hectic. Another point is everyday is a hectic day. There are always new issues coming up.

Good or bad, it really depends on how you see it.

I had always seen my company as a good company to start off and grow with. There are plenty of opportunities, be it learning or progressing. Its how one sees it and how much they are willing to put in to go earn and grab them. So now with all the new machines and processes to learn, I see myself very much involved in the development and improvement of a place which had already seen so much. No place is allowed to remain in its position and be sure of its place in the competitive world. Stay stagnant, and one would be left behind.

Not going to happen to me.

I’m going to work hard to make things the way I hope and want to be. I reckon staying stagnant is not my cup of tea. Maybe Raymond was right, I am a little ambitious. But one would not progress if they don't have plans and ambitions. Maybe little dreams of striking the toto or 4D are just one of those little distractions and joys, but those are never within control. The first view was just like what I felt about Mr. Tang. I personally think he is striking in a path that has plenty of opportunities, and a path that really depends on lots of hard work and some dependence on luck. If one is willing to put in effort, and give that 100%, plus the luck in life, one can always succeed. It is just how you want it to be.

Similarly, one has to take actions. Griping is a good way to reduce stress, but griping without a proper action plan is never the way out. Unless you are the big big boss, griping will get people below to move and do the things which you want them to be. But things aren’t always this case. You gripe, you reduce the stress and mental anguish a little. but no action means the issue is almost always never solved(not I say almost always never. some issues somehow will go away by themselves. seldom thou. but they are the same issues that can go away and come back again. so well...) so do something about it.

Somehow, I just realised that I haven't fully explained my second reason for disappearing. Well, everyday I reached home feeling really tired. In actual fact, I had appreciated the disappearance of the computer from my life for these two weeks. One would reach home and feel so tired everyday. Transport itself had taken quite a few hours of life daily life everyday. Close to three hours everyday I’m on a bus or mrt. Or walking to the mrt station or back. Of course I try to sleep a little once in a while. Getting up at six in the mornings and sleeping at ten plus eleven. Somehow for now, now matter how much sleep I have, it is never enough. I’m still tired. The main issue now is to get used to the whole biological issue. Physical preparation.

Maybe at work we used a lot of mental twisting. Been trying to learn as fast as I can so after a month or so, I can be capable of running a line by myself without the help of my supervisor. I think they had really high expectations of me. Some people may say I am giving myself undue stress on myself. What I feel about this issue is that some stress on me will push myself further. More importantly, out of a shell that sometimes tends to encapsulate people. Hiding in a shell is not going to work out well for my job or myself overall speaking. Plus the fact that if I can excel in the early stages, it's always a good impression that leaves in my boss and my big boss. Of course, impressing them is just the by product and one of the 'perks' of doing a good job. The important thing is I have achieved my goals and the satisfaction that comes with it. Not only that, achieving initial milestones and targets will push me further and give me the confidence to do a better job. Not just maintaining the standard, but to set another standard to test my own capabilities.

Sounds like bullshit huh? Mmm... it might be. It would be how one sees it.

So that explains why I’ve not been online so far. Been trying to find the best way to assimilate and learn at the fastest time. It sure takes a few more brain cells than lazing around. And sometimes, when one person had turn down a meet up session, I sometimes even appreciate it. I would have more time to rest man. But of course, I still have a social life. I still meet up with some of my pals now and then. In fact, I’ve been meeting up with a lot of people these days, and having a lot of dinner outings with my new found friends and colleagues. Not bad for a start for now. I think it's very important to strike a balance. Maybe now I know why ting had always griped about not having friends to go out with. But of course, everyone has to have their own times. Everyone has their own balance isn't it?

Touch on my new friends from my company. There’s plenty of them, like Michelle Isabelle kimhak zhiling shuqing Justin saysiong zeyuan Mindy whom hangs out together mostly. There’s also waileong haiyan meiling who hangs out less but are equally fun to be with. Last weekend we had a big makan session, where we went bouna vista for lunch makan, then Holland V to drink tea, followed by a dinner at geylang. Eat and eat and eat. Really get to see the different facets of life. Working should be like that isn't it? Work hard and play hard. Or for us, 'eat hard'. Ha... but of course, it would be harder when we all go to our departments, working at different shifts, different fabs. Everything will be different. But there will always be time to crap around. It’s just how it's arranged.

So... it seems like it has been a good start so far to the working life. Believe it, not all people would be praising their jobs and being so happy in the first three weeks. Some people say it is the honeymoon period, so I am so happy. Haven’t seen the shit yet. I am not worrying about it. I know what the crazy part of my industry is. Nothing is predictable and any damn thing is possible. Of course, I am seeing it in a positive note. Every thing that comes out unexpectedly is a new learning experience. Solving issues is my job, not creating them. And solving issues that pops out is a satisfying thing to do. Plus the fact that, if you don't see the shit, you will never appreciate the good things in life. Everything else in the world becomes a shade of just some color. You can be sure I’m going to gripe about my work sooner or later. But who don't? Griping is part and parcel of the job. If you don't gripe, it's even worse actually. You don't even know the shit had happened! Ha...

Well... I think I’ll shut up now. Too much crap. This is one hour of my precious weekend sleeping time! So long for now!

Thailand Trip part 3

2005-06-05T23:47:00.003+08:00

The night before we were talking about what time we are going to wake up for breakfast. So I told the chums that I will definitely wake up somewhere around 9+, despite sleeping so ‘early’. CSN told me to give them a call when we get up.

I was awaken by Shev’s irritating alarm song, the chorus of black eye pea’s ‘Let’s get it started’. Apparently he had not heard his alarm himself, while I tried to get some more sleep. Didn’t really succeed in doing that. I got my bum off the bed and head off to the shower. Had a warm shower before hearing the damn alarm sounding off again the second time. This time it woke him up. I finished my shower, brushed my teeth and other nonsense, and saw him just getting up on the bed.

‘I’m waiting for you to get out of shower!’ that’s his reason. Anyway… not that it matters. I gave a call to David and CSN. David answered the call and said they will be coming down too. So we decided on 930am. Shev finished up with his shower and stuff and we went down promptly. Somehow, David and CSN didn’t come down in time, and we decided to give them another call after 15mins. Those bums had went back to sleep! So both Shev and I ended up with 2 sets of breakfast each. Not bad for a start…

After breakfast, we went back up to sleep. I didn’t sleep much and was flipping around. Decided to switch on the TV and see what’s on. I can’t remember what the show was on… so well… I was just in and out of sleep throughout I suppose.

It’s a Saturday so we went over to Chatuchak (CTC) for its famous weekend market. It’s another trip on the skytrain. This time I decided to take a photo of the cabin.

Pretty much like our MRT. But I’ll say the skytrain system is pretty similar to our LRT and the subway more like the MRT.

First thing to great us is the CTC garden park. There is this lake and pathways throughout. We didn’t go walking around in the park, as it wasn’t our aim. I took a picture of the clock tower there, situated in the middle of the park.

It’s probably a good lookout point, in case you get lost. Well… as if you would!

The CTC market is a place that you can search for every damn thing under the sun. A total of over 40-50 sections, each part selling varied merchandise. It’s written that there are over 15000 shops there. I reckon anyone walking there, and attempting to cover every shop, will die of exhaustion and dehydration. Man… one will just perspire and perspire when walking through those alleys. They are crowded, stuffy and definitely HOT!

An example of the alleys.

This is a picture of the main ’street’, where you can walk along and look for the shops you want to go to. This is done so by looking at signboards on top and reading the numbers and the merchandise sold there. A good example will be the one here.

Reading the map given out by locals when you enter, you can swiftly target the places you want to go…

An example of the shops there.

Of course, anyone going to CTC must eat the food there. We settled down at one of the stalls and began to decipher codes.

A big signboard full of Thai words. Reading through the names, I realized how the word noodle is written in Thai.

Fortunately, and logically, they had the English version of the menu as well. For 40bahts, you get this.

A big bowl, with around 10 meat balls, vegetables, dao geh especially and some noodles. There was this shop by the side that sells something like chendol and gave us free samples. It was excellent!

I think we roamed around the place for 4 hours. In the end we didn’t buy much stuff. We ate quite a bit, with Shev getting hungry every 2 hours. But halfway through, he had a stomachache. But don’t worry; you can never miss the toilets there. You have these huge signs all around the place, you’ll never miss them!

So while he went off to take a dump, I sat down by the pavement and relax for a while. Opposite me was a busker prying his trade. He had this special looking guitar look-a-like musical instrument. Decided to take down his picture. It was real hard to catch his picture due to the crowd there. But I managed to catch one.

Interesting looking musical instrument isn’t it?

We went off to Siam square again after our foray at CTC. Shev wanted to buy a t-shirt for his mom, and we didn’t catch much over there on Saturday. So we went over to Siam square to hunt for the elusive t-shirt. Somehow, we failed miserably. Walking proved to be the bane of all ‘man’kind. So… as usual, the hungry Shev decided it’s time for dinner. We went to this little eatery that serves Thai food, Chinese style. We ordered like we’ve never eaten for the past 5 days and wolf down whatever that came our way. It was one hell of a dinner.

Remember the first day where we made our way to the wrong Thai boxing arena? The night bazaar area was the place we were heading to after dinner. We were going over to catch the FA cup final between Arsenal and Man United. But when we got there, we were walking around and saw no pubs showing the game. We saw this sign saying ‘Tiger Dome’. We had to walk through a dark road before emerging at a huge tentage.

The sponsor Tiger beer had erected a tentage and patrons paying 60bahts can go in with a pint of beer each.
When we approached, there is this bouncer who is shouting some Thai words at us. The four of us gave quizzed looks at him. I think he wanted to see our IC or something. We just say we don’t understand in English. Luckily there is this fella who asked us if we are tourist. We said we are, and he let us in immediately. The shouting fella immediately smiled and gave us a chop on the arm each. Proceed to begin our soccer night.

It was an air-conditioned tentage, with four big screens. The prematch entertainment was ongoing, with dancers on the stage dancing to explosive music. Not bad for 60bahts huh?

It was really entertaining to watch the match there. The Thais are really passionate and were shouting and screaming. Lots of Man U supporters there. Ironically, I was wearing my Liverpool jersey that night. But I ended supporting Arsenal that night, as I like to be part of the minority. Luckily they are purely there for soccer, not for a fight night!

The whole game they have a person giving Thai commentary throughout. Not that I really appreciates it. There were halftime entertainments as well. The same bunch of ladies gyrating to music for a while before they proceed to have a little quiz and some games. The Arsenal fans went up and attempted to recognize the players they flashed on the big screen. Not that tough, but not that easy either.

I think the match was enough to kill those weak hearted Arsenal fans. It’s just like the Milan-Liverpool match. Dominated the whole match, but lose on penalties. It’s a kelong season!

We went off immediately after the game. We had a little something at the eatery nearby. Interesting place. I attempted to take some pictures but they turn out too dark. So we went back soon after and had our dai di season three. I’m proud to proclaim I conquered season three and have 10 points!

The last day we spend doing some last minute shopping. As usual, CSN and David didn’t wake up for breakfast. I was vegetarian for the day, so Shev get to eat a lot more. I just have 5 slices of toast. The two of us went to CTC again to search for shorts and the elusive t-shirt for his mom. I managed to snag like 3 bottoms. He bought a pair of jeans, a bottom and bought a cute t-shirt for his mom. We also went over to the pets section and see the cute critters.

Bunnies and I. Who’s cuter?

Bunnies and Shev. Shev’s definitely cuter!

Kittens

Doggies 1

More Doggies

Until you just want to take those pictures down... hakhak…

Now… the story of why I cant fulfill my promise. The night at patpong had sucked my $ almost dry. But somehow I had saved some $ just for the trinket all along. So till the last day, I couldn’t find any suitable. I spent my last 650bahts on a pair of adidas Bermudas. Somehow, luck was playing a trick on me. Shev and gang decided to go toilet, so I waited outside. I was looking at this display in on of the shops and show this really pretty starry necklace.

Damn…… appear now…

$ kosong liao…

When we went back, it was like 4pm. We had a few rounds of dai di before the transport took us to the airport. Time to fly back to Singapore!

And some parting shots!

Fly fly fly...

Good trip mostly I would say. Would definitely go back to Thailand again some day!

That’s about it guys!

End!

Thailand Trip part 2

2005-05-30T13:03:00.000+08:00

I reckon the four of us woke up around nine in the morning the next day. Or was it just me? I have the tendency to wake up way too early, after which becoming a piece of roti prata on the bed. But not this morning... I had woke up and proceeded to wake up the rest of the chums. Breakfast is waiting. We paid for it, we ought to eat it! Plus the fact that we had already paid for the breakfast…

It’s about nine thirty when we reach the café downstairs. I should have taken a picture of the place. The lobby, receptionist and the café are all in the same place actually. That’s how small the hotel is. Oh… I forgot to mention, how fierce looking the receptionist is when she is busy and frustrated. That’s what I saw on the first day when we checked in. she wasn’t in one of her moods on this morning. Smiling, she passed me the coupons for the breakfast. Well… not bad for a start to the day I reckon. But what’s going to happen had ensured that I failed to live up to a promise I had to someone before I came to Thailand.

I think the four of us are kind of groggy or something, because all of us just read one side of the menu, completely missing out on the other side. So in the end all of us had just the normal ABF: ham, eggs, sausage, toast, juice and tea. Not exactly the most filling but acceptable, though I reckon I can do a much better scrambled egg than theirs. My pals said the orange juice was revolting. I wouldn’t know, I was having pineapple…

After breakfast, those pigs decided to go back to sleep. Think CSN is here in Thailand to sleep. So, I wouldn’t venture out so early in the morning. Even if I would, it would be the malls, which would be pointless since we are going there in the afternoon after all. So up I went back to the room. It seems that on espn, it was the western conference semis and on star movies it was ‘Wind talkers’. So I had quite a good time switching around the two channels. After a while I decided to take some pictures around the hotel room. Had to switch off the flash, in case I wake Shev up.

That’s the bed, with Shev in it. It’s actually pretty comfortable. My kind of bed.

Going over to the dark side...

Another crap photo... trying to point to FatShev...

After twelve, we were all up and ready to go around. We went to the rest of the shopping malls around for today, like the Siam Discovery Centre. Nope, their discovery centre and our discovery centre is not the same. Probably meaning finding new bargains is what their ‘discovery’ means. It’s just like any other shopping mall around in Singapore just that it could be cheaper slightly at times. We walked around for quite some time and decided to go somewhere else. I think we went to Siam square where you have little shops all over the place. Small malls, small shops and stuff, somewhat like Queensway shopping centre. And they sell similar stuff too. Amazingly, I couldn’t find a single star shaped trinket all over the place. Thais are obsessed with beads these days… and decorative stones and wood carvings. And not even trinkets in the shape of puppies. Talk about a treasure hunt with no treasure in the end…

We popped by their star bucks for a leg rest. I ordered a cappuccino, while the rest of the gang ordered… damn… I forgot the name in the split second. I think its mocha… is it? The one with coffee and cocoa. Yah… I think its mocha. Mocha ice. Apparently, when I saw their drinks, I thought they had all ordered different drinks. All their drinks had a different shade of brown. CSN was complaining how thick his drink was, and it was giving him a headache. I had a sip and found it to be one of the lightest coffee I had ever drunk. Fatshev has the darker version, David had the lighter shade. So the conclusion is unanimous… CSN cannot make it!

CSN and his headache giving mocha.

While we were there, I saw this sign.

So, beware of your belongings ok... they might attract pickpockets! I suppose that’s what they were trying to say! Hakhak…

We also saw this fella, who is without any drink or food, sitting at a leather couch, seemingly interested in some business on his laptop. But our eagled eyes told us otherwise. He was basically looking at ladies through out. While we were there, there was this really sexy lady who came in to buy a drink. And she has the most beautiful pair of eyes I’ve ever seen (exaggeration of course. She had a pair of very beautiful eyes, no doubts). As the guy was behind me, CSN had the honor of updating me every 10 seconds, that the fella behind me is eyeing that lady through out. The lady chose a seat directly in front of me, which means, directly in front of that fella as well. So I had a pair of eyes, transfixed in our direction all the while! And we started to think of stupid scenarios like they are drug sellers or something… damn dumb…

We went for a foot massage after the drink. Actually we had wanted a full body massage, but somehow the lady had heard wrongly from CSN or something, and had us all sat down at the foot massage area. I was too keen on the body massage actually as I am a very ticklish person. So I wasn’t complaining. The rest didn’t either, so we all had our foot massage. CSN was sitting on my left, suppressing his laughter and anguish all at the same time. His masseur was kind of amused, worried and concern. I was just laughing at him all the time each time he turned over to me and telling me how he felt ticklish and pain. CSN is indeed a source of laughter through out the trip.

We decided to go back and change into something more suitable for nightlife. On the way back, we decided to try some food from the roadside stalls for dinner. Now, this is the place we found all the language barrier. They speak zero English and us, zero Thai. They gave us their menu and gave us another baffling time. They are all in Thai and we asked for a menu with translated menu. They did give us one in the end, but with the menu so much shorten. So with much pointing and gesturing, we managed to order some grail squid, stir fried prawns, omelette, tomyam soup and something else which I had forgotten. It wasn’t as satisfying as we seen the others ate, firstly being what we ate wasn’t what they were eating. Secondly, the food which we had is really not that exciting at all. Bill, and we are off…

We decided to go patpong for the first look at their nightlife. Although I wasn’t too keen on a tiger show, I was most willing to watch it for the experience. So there was this person on the roadside who introduced us to his show. We followed him and got into a relatively small place. There wasn’t anyone in the place at the moment, just the four of us. The women on the stage were not very pretty or sexy either. I was turned off immediately. So we had the mummy coming over to us, bringing people over to sit with us as well. note I say people, not women. The fact is, the one sitting beside me throughout is a person with disorientated sexuality. His/her palm is even bigger than mine! I was trying to make it as interesting an evening as possible, making little chats with the people around me and buying them drinks.

Letting my guard down was a big mistake, as I didn’t check the receipt each time I bought a drink. They brought coke over and in the end, the receipts were writing rum, Heineken and stuff. And I actually believed the mummy’s words that each was 40baht. Dumb of me… but it’s a lesson learnt of course. So I chalked up about 6 drinks, each between 150 to 300 bahts. And after some mistake in tipping the ladies, I think I wasted around 2000+ baht there. And all I saw there was reluctant and poor performances on the stages. And of course, the companionship of unattractive people on my sides.

We left the place like in half an hour before proceeding elsewhere. But, we still have some luck as we saw a sports shop. We went in and marveled at the low prices on authentic adidas apparel there. Each of us bought some items there before we asked around for a good disco. Everyone gave us the same answer. Sukhumit Site 4. mmm… it has to be correct if more than four people gave us the same answer. So we hopped on a cab and went there straight. We got there, and saw a lot of pubs with lots of Caucasians in there. Each of them with a Thai girl in their arms. So we had got to another place to pick up Thailand girls again. But this place is not exactly the same as patpong. Patpong had their pros all decked out outside their brothels. And I can say, they are really kind of pretty. Here, you pick up girls in the pubs. And I believe those girls are all the same, waiting to pounce on one of those Caucasians, who of course in the first place, are there to find them. Not that I had that impression in me inherently, because when we walked away, and asked another Caucasian where we can find a good disco. He just told us to go back to the same place. He said ‘Just down by the corner! You find many chicks there! Have fun!’ well… that sums it up.

In the end, while we were discussing our next move by the roadside, a Thai approached us. I was thinking he was another of those fellas who’s going to introduce us to some sleazy place again until he asked if we want a tuktuk. Oops… my apologies… so, we asked him if he know where we can find a good disco. CSN told him it’s a big place, two floors. The driver immediately says he knew where. Hollywood Awards. We asked if we can walk there, he say four hundred meters away. We were thinking if we want to walk that four hundred meters when the driver said he would drive us there, for 40bahts. Then we asked again four hundred meters to which direction. His eyes widen and he smiled, ‘No no… four kilometers!’. We suddenly had this thought that he is trying to change the distance so we would take his tuktuk. Then we thought again, forty bahts, just give him for some comfort. So we hoped on, all four of us, with David sitting on the floor board.

In the end, we traveled more than four kilometers… before we really reached Hollywood Awards, for 40bahts! Cheap!

Hollywood Awards is like a disco pub… huge disco pub. Why did I say that? Because the whole setup is like a disco, but yet they don’t have a dance floor! Then CSN told me they used to have one, but the area is now filled with tables and chairs. More Profit. And from the turnout, I can see that they are really earning lots. It’s full, and there aren’t enough chairs to go around. No cover charge, but each group of people have to buy a bottle of liquor before going in. so we bought a bottle of Johnny walker for 1500bahts. Then there is this fella who came along to help us out. He got us the soda water, coke and ice. Pour the drinks for us and find us chairs. I appreciate this part of their disco. And thank goodness, he speaks excellent mandarin and we had no problems communicating with him. A Thai Chinese. And a pretty handsome fella. Unfortunately I had wasted so much money in patpong, if not I would have tipped him even more.

Initially we had the DJ playing music… mostly hip hop remixes… so basically the first thirty minutes there wasn’t that exciting, plus the alcohol not streaming through my blood vessels just yet. When the alcohol finally kicked in, they started to have their live performances, singers and dancers on the stage, rousing the crowd to pulsating tempo of Thai pop and rock! And the best part is, every single gal on the stage is prettier and better endowed than the ones back in patpong. Talk about rubbing the salt into the wound. And we begin to see people climbing onto tables to dance and stuff. It was a long time since I had liquor in such quantity and my legs are beginning to lose its feelings. So I stayed put on my chair and move to the music. I simply enjoyed myself. Though I believed I would have had a even better time if there was a dance floor!

We left the place at about two. But we hung around, decided to play some pool before leaving. Shev seeing me being unsteady, told me to sit down and watch which I obliged willingly. They were just playing with CSN boasting how he is going to finish them off. And yesh, he won the game, without all the moves which he claim he could. Ha… but yesh, nonetheless, he won. That’s what matters after all isn’t it? I got a few cues in and sunk a few balls when we were about to leave. Somehow Shev is getting hungry again and we walked across the car park to the stalls opposite, opening for patrons of the disco. The noodles we had are tasty, but too little. But for 30bahts, no one is complaining. CSN even took off with two bottles of their drinking water. ‘We paid for it already!’ I wasn’t vilified… I needed the water as well…

So we got back in one piece, not without some action. We hailed a cab with a very young driver. We told him where we want to go, using Asia hotel as the landmark. He nodded and proceeded to drive us there. But somehow, he did not know how to go! He drove and soon his phone was on his left hand. He called his friend and asked! He passed the phone to CSN and CSN had to tell his friend where we wanted to go and stuff… amazing… another thing amazing was, there was a traffic jam! At 2am! And our dear driver hopped out of the cab and asked another driver where our hotel was… and got a negative respond. So we were running around in his cab… and he was beginning to perspire nervously! Our cab driver was ganjiong! Ha… frankly I didn’t know if I should laugh or do something… overall, to me, it was amusing. When we finally reached, the meter was like 140+bahts. We gave him 200bahts, and he pushed back 100bahts to us. We insist on giving him the 100bahts, as we see how he had shown effort in bringing us back. And we felt it must have been quite an experience for him too…

Back to the hotel room…

That’s me...

And that’s Shev...

And no... Despite the time being 3+, those buggers still want to carry on with dai di season 2! But somehow it was pure fun again for the 2nd time! All sorts of crap and nonsense again during the game. West Brom emerged victorious this time, with a close battle throughout the season! Was a 3 horse race, with Shev and I closely behind through out! CSN got relegated! Hakhak…

So at last… at 530am, we proceeded to sleep…

And that’s it for day 2!

Thailand Trip part 1

2005-05-26T04:58:00.000+08:00

Got back from Thailand on Sunday. Well, it’s been quite an experience down there. Get to see things you don't in Singapore and see things you always see in Singapore as well.

Let’s start from the preparations.

4 of us went over. CSN, Shev, David and myself. Since CSN is the only one who had went before, we entrust the planning and logistical support to him. Plane tickets, hotel lodging and places to go. Plus the fact we all lack something call a credit card, we have to turn to his brother for help.

Big mistake...

First thing is, CSN is a person with no sense of urgency at all. He's one of those who wait to rush, not rush to wait type. So we all gathered to talk about the plane tickets only 1 week before the trip. We couldn't get all the best deals around, those economy class tickets that go for S$130 round trip. So in the end, we settled for 2 tickets from Tiger airways, total $261 per head. Hell that's expensive by budget airways standard.

Next up is lodging. CSN told us he booked 1 room in Asia hotel. That was like the week before we flew over. So I told him, try to get another room in the same place. Three days before we flew, he sms us at 2am, telling us he cancelled the room and tried to book 2 rooms. Couldn't get them anymore. I almost went ballistic when I saw the sms in the morning when I woke up. In the end, for the 2 days before we flew, I took over the nonsense he left for us, and I cleared up the mess. In the end, we got ourselves a lil hotel near the same place. Motel/Hotel, what ever you called it. I think the price is pretty alright, basically cheap. So I was ready for any nonsense they are going to throw us. But when I got the confirmation, I heaved a sigh of relief. We shall see how the hotel looks like when we get there.

The night before we were to fly, I called CSN to confirm with him as to if his dad is driving us there. Shev has told me CSN said he told his dad to drive us there. So at 12+ I called him. He said he don't know the flight time, and told his dad not to drive us there. I almost blew my top at him over the phone. After all the shit he threw me, he still didn't know the flight timings. And he is saying we should meet to take the MRT to changi airport! Say it is expensive to take cab! My goodness... my insistence to take cab was replied with a reluctant yes. My goodness...

Lessons learnt:

1) If you want to go overseas, get yourself a credit card or debit card. Makes things easier.

2) If you are clueless how to do everything by yourself, find an agency to do everything for you.

3) And be early. At least 2 weeks in advance.

4) Plan early.

5) And do not leave important issues to people who just aren't cut out to handle them.

First day was alright. After we got all the rough ends smoothen out, we just went all out to enjoy ourselves. Forget about all the nonsense of pre-travel planning. We got our butts off to the airport and reached pretty early. We got our tickets from the efficient counters in changi airport. Excellent job. Headed off to MacDonald for a simple $2 breakfast since we've all eaten before heading out. And it seems like the 4 of us all didn't sleep much the night before. I've got 3 hours, Shev about the same, David about 2, so did CSN. So we were all a bit groggy in the early morning hours of our flight. We cracked jokes mostly and things seem pretty good. We got to the gate pretty early and saw the people gathering really early there too.

On the way there...

Then we caught the glimpse of Singaporean trait of Kiasuness. There was this elderly couple who were very near to the entrance of the door. Then this flight stewardess came along and went pass them, through the gate and towards the plane. The two senior citizens just stood up, cue for the rest as well. Then the whole bunch of people was crowding the entrance. It was an ugly sight... Just like MRT doors during peak hours. Ugly...

Boarding wasn't that bad, we managed to get a window seat despite not being the first few to go in. First time on an A320 for me. Its small, 3 seats each side of the aisle. Shev didn't want the window seat so I took it. I just love the looks of clouds and stuff. There were parts where there were no clouds at all. So I got to see clouds and the river system down below.

It was outstanding...

Now here are a few pictures of the clouds I caught outside.

Think this one looks glorious, with the sun shining and all...

This picture simply fascinates me. I think you can never see clouds like this from the bottom. It looks just like land, but it is all cloud…

Then the places where there are sparse clouds around.

Get to see the huge river at the bottom. Beautiful…

Here we get to see the meandering river snaking to the sea at the top... brilliant isn’t it? Sometimes you’ve got to appreciate geography.

Here’s one where two big rivers merge to become one. I think the reflection of the sunlight really brings out the brilliance of nature in this picture.

I was really having my head pasted to the window through out the flight. Well, unfortunately the seat wasn’t the most comfortable one around. For me that is. Tall people take note, especially tall and long legs. Here’s how I fared through out.

With slight leg space, for movement. Wriggle the toes a bit to get the blood flowing man. And the aisle is so tiny, when the cart they are pushing is in the middle, there isn’t anymore space for people to walk through. So get ready for a squeeze.

Sinister smile for the records...

Wholesome one from Shev

Sleeping 86’ kid

West Brom United

We touched down, look around and saw the big bunch of people looking for their visitors. We settled down by some seats and try to locate our hotel on the map. Seems like it’s so small, it’s not even on the map! So we asked the info counter lady and she located the road. She then proceeds to write the hotel name in Thai and passed to us, saying just pass to the taxi driver. Before we got to the queue, someone ambushed us halfway. It is one of those hawks. Anyway, we just followed him to his taxi area. 700bahts, a bit more on the expensive side. But their cabs are not those corollas. They are minivans. So for extra 200bahts, we get plenty of room for each person through the horrendous Bangkok jams.

We reached about 45minutes later. Well, the hotel kind of off the main road a little. Got to walk about 3minutes to the BTS station. Well, isn’t that bad. The rooms aren’t the best around, but alright for 25/pax/nite. Not really the best view either from the room.

We reached, bathe and went off in about an hour’s time. First place is of course, MBK for the beef noodles which everyone talks about. We decided to take the sky train over for the first time.

A train rolling in

Each station has such guards. Both sides of the track. Almost everywhere you get guards like them, subway, hotels, and shopping malls. They are everywhere. And they are not like Singapore security guards, who look like they can’t even withstand a punch from a kid. These in Thailand all look like Thai fighters… don’t even try to outrun them.

I heard the sky train system, or BTS is designed by a Singaporean. That explains the similarity to our MRT. The card they use is the one we used before ez-link came along. Those magnetic card or whatever you call them. As for their subway, or MRT, it’s just like our very own NEL. Amazing…

Isn’t it just similar?

The ticketing machine. It dispenses a small black round coin like ’card’ for single trips. For the subway, there are stored value cards. They also enter by tapping. So it’s the same as our system. But for the single trip, you tap when you get in, but you slot into a ‘coin slot’ when you exit. Minus the hassle of getting a refund. How smart these people!

The best part of the sky train and subway is the commuters. The people in Bangkok actually queued up for the train. They form 2 queues by the side of the door from the beginning. The four of us were like standing in a bunch beside the door area. We only realized the queue when it got longer and with the training approaching. I was quite impressed by their courtesy. Next, they waited for the commuters to alight before boarding the train.

Where the hell is that scene in Singapore?!?!?!

The image of the pair of elderly couple during boarding pops into my mind at that moment. Sad…

Anyway, we made our way to MBK, or what Mah Bu Kong. Sometimes I just can’t get those names in, so I just use short form. MBK, CTC, so on and so forth. We popped by the famous beef noodles store to get our lunch. It’s simply delicious! 50baht I think, or is it 40. Can’t really remember what the value was. But it has to be the best beef noodles I’ve ever eaten. We were even contemplating employing the cook, and set up our own store in Singapore. I’m sure that’s going to be a great venture.

We didn’t walk around much after that good meal. We proceed to the Erawan Shrine, where the Hindu God was, better known as the 4-face Buddha. We bought some flowers and incense for 20baht and offered our prayers. It was kind of rainy that afternoon and the crowd was sparse. But there are still quite a lot of people in the small shrine. Smoke all around. And despite the rain, the place was still hot and humid. Perspiration was raining down all our heads after we finished the rounds.

The famous Erawan 4-face Buddha shrine.

We found ourselves in another mall somewhere after that. Can’t really remember what the name was. Think was something like city central mall or something. Got ourselves a coke each before thinking of what to do for the day. We walked around and eventually decided to catch Star wars Episode III at the theatre. We got to the booth, but we couldn’t see the pricing of the tickets. We were looking around when we spot this LED board with all the listing. The pricing is moving across at the bottom. 120baht for each normal seat. Pretty cheap we thought. So we got CSN to buy the tickets.

Shev and I sat down on one of those chairs they have by the counter. Then I realized something. There was this voice over the PA system which is rattling away in Thai non-stop when we reached. I was thinking it was one of those pre-recorded voice stuff. Nope… it isn’t. There is this young lady who’s got a headset attached with a mic. She was the one who had been rattling away all the while! I was just plain amazed… and it reminds me of those pasar malam sellers who always talk non-stop, but they always have some audience. This young lady is simply talking to thin air. And from her smiles, it seems she thoroughly enjoys her work. Top marks for professionalism!

CSN got back with the tickets with a puzzled look. He said he was ‘chopped’ by the counter, brandishing 4 170baht tickets. We realized he had bought the platinum tickets. Now we are going to be watching a movie equivalent to Singapore pricing. So much for our plans of a budget trip.

When we went up to the theatre, we saw some huge wording over one of the entrances. It’s written ‘Platinum screen’. I think the attendant saw us with our puzzled look and requested to see our tickets to clarify our doubts. He gave us a wide smile and ushered us to the platinum screen. There, waiting for us is a welcome drink! Wow…. For 170bahts, it seems like its becoming a really good deal. We went in, and saw a medium size theatre. But the good thing is the leather seats and room for the legs! The seats can even be reclined a little. It’s super comfortable…

Now comes the interesting part of the whole experience. Before the show we have all the customary advertisements and stuff, while the 4 of us are getting kind of sleepy. And at that moment, a message flash across the screen, ‘Please pay your respects to the King of Thailand’. Then we saw the Thaïs in front of us standing up in attention. Immediately we shot up like our butts had been jabbed by needles, even though all of us are half dead like zombies. They played a clip, about their king and the love and respect the people showed him. It was about 5-6mins, and all the while we just stood there. Now that’s definitely something new…

After the show, we proceed to Chinatown to grab some sharks fin. They have this 300baht sharks fin in clay pot. It was pretty nice, better then most you get in Singapore. Then came another interesting thing. They served the sharks fin with bean sprouts. There was this big plate of bean sprouts that came along with it. Kind of a weird way to eat sharks fin I suppose. As the trip went on, we realized that eat every damn thing together with bean sprouts. So, if you ever go Thailand, don’t be surprise if they serve you a plate of bean sprouts for something you’ll least expect to go with it.

There were some screwed ups with our orders. Apparently the ladies had given our orders to some other people instead. So it’s like we ordered 4 plates of fried rice, but only 1 came. After like 20minutes of waiting, we called the lady to ask her why it’s so damn long. She said she’s going to check it out. So she asked another lady who took our order. Then they started laughing and the first lady pull the one who took our orders away, sneaking peaks at us and laughing all the way. At that time we were damn sure they misplaced our order. Well eventually it came along and we all had our final fill.

Shev and CSN

David and I

It was like 9pm when we finished our dinner. We had decided to go for a Thai boxing match. There were two locations on the map which has Thai boxing and we asked one of the ladies when there were matches. The 2 places have different match days. So the lady circled the places and wrote down the days of the matches for both places. When we got down to the roadside, we hailed a cab to get over there. CSN did his usual stunt and pointed to the wrong place! And when we got there, it was dark and deserted. Once again we feel like hammering CSN. Lucky for us, there was a night bazaar down there, and the mistake eventually will turn into a blessing for our Saturday night. We walked around the place, and felt that the place was meant for tourist, with all the prices relatively higher than other places. So we left pretty early and reached our hotel about 11pm.

My three traveling companions are weird people. Instead of sleeping, they wanted to play cards. So we proceeded to the nearest 7-11 to buy cards, and to buy some drinking water. We bought 8 bottles of 1.5l bottles, much to the astonishment of the cashier. She was looking at us bring 1, 2, 3….8 and broke into those astonished laughter. We just smiled at her and brought our stuff back. Eventually, it became a nightly event, our card game that is. We called it our dai di season. And I’m proud to announce KS united won the first season! After catching up on CSN for most of the game. Not bad for someone who isn’t much of a dai di player huh? Hahaha…

That about sums up the pre-tour and first day. I think I’ll leave the other days some other time. In the meantime, do stay tuned!

Can't think of a title man...

2005-05-12T01:41:00.000+08:00

I don't know, I decided to give myself a period of time, in front of this com, and just type whatever that gets into my brain.

First thing,

How will one propose to a gal? I wonder... If I have $, I would get a yacht, go to the high seas... line the cabin with white candles and rose petals. I'll blindfold her right from the start... until we reach the high seas... and slowly lead her into the cabin... then, I'll take off the blindfold, right in the middle of the cabin is a diamond ring. Symbol of Eternity...

"My Love is vast like the Ocean around us...
Surrounding You...
Now and Forever...
Marry Me..."

Second thing,

I wondered why some people just can't do things with some urgency. I was a little pissed when someone told me he haven't booked the air tickets when he should have done two days ago.

My anger subsided in five seconds. I myself is damn surprised with the speed it went away. I've been pretty short plugged these days. Or should I say I am not as tolerant as I was in JC or army times.

We shall see how it goes in the future.

Third thing,

I really want to meet up with all my long lost friends. I wonder how. I don't have many days free already. Priority priority priority...

Fourth thing,

I met up with snowy baby on monday. I realised that, she has to be the most conservative thinking person. I don't really think conservative is the correct word. But I don't know what is the word to use either.

Here we have the sweet, adorable, filial, strong girl... who believes that the only thing that a guy needs to win over a girl... is Sincerity.

BEAT THAT!

That's how her current squeeze won her Heart. I don't have any idea what to say about that. I reckon she is one of the few, who just isn't swayed by all the evils of this world...

She is... Right up there.

Fifth thing,

I bought a new pair of specs... cost me a nice $145. My expenditures have hit higher than $350 for this month already. I think after today it is $400.

Transport fee is atrociously high! Less than a week, I've got to top up twice, $20 each time!

WHAT THE F***?!

I saw the book 'Band of Brothers(BOB)' by Stephen E Ambrose. Its $30 at MPH citylink. It didn't add to the rising expenditure list for this month. I just held it in my hands. Think I'll buy it when I get the DVDs for BOB too. I want the originals for that, with the metal tin. I don't care if I can't watch it. If I can't, I will buy another set, with the cardboard covers.

That's the kind of $ I would spend on things that I want. Same applies to colognes. Nothing will stop me.

Things that I won't spend more than $100 includes:

1)T-Shirts
2)Ties
3)Wallet
4)Handphone Strap
5)Meal
6)Bag
7)And other famous brands items that just shouldn't be costing so much.

Things that I might spend more than $100 includes

1)Cologne(So far, all mine are less than $100, and not miniatures.)
2)A REALLY GOOD Meal(That's for me to define, when I eat it.)
3)Liverpool jerseys

Things that I am definitely willing to pay more than $100(and even much much more) includes

1)Parent's Allowance
2)A good pair of soccer boots
3)A good queen size bed
4)A TV
5)A good entertainment system
6)A DIAMOND RING

Which mostly are on my want list... and will be completed when I start working.

Sixth thing,

I exercised again this morning. I felt damn tired after the one hour workout. I really need to get the body condition up. I want to be fitter, stronger and tougher.
And get the health into shape.

I think I need to go get that little contraption that's for forearm squeezes. And maybe some weights for me to carry next time when I progress further into my exercise regime.

It's not easy to keep to a regular timing, but I try to keep on the rythmn as much as possible.

It's a cadet mentality again...

Seventh thing,

Amazing race is over. The winners are the ones I was hoping for. I was in so much anticipation when the two of them asked around for $ when they were short for the cab driver.

Honest people. What's their name... I think is Uchenna and Joyce. I salute them... damn amazing... If I was there, I wonder if I would do the same thing.

Another thing is about the cab drivers. In Jamaica, there is this driver who just drove them around for a little bit of $, when they heard they just have that amount. Amazing! Back in Miami, the cab driver just grumbles and grumbles. I think that's the same if it happened in Singapore.

Developed and Developing countries... the Difference.

There are different factors of course why different places can make different decisions. That, I'm not going to debate here.

Eighth thing,

I had my FYP presentation last friday. It was smooth... got into shirt and pants again. Not everyday you get to see me in those garb. My partner haven't sent me the photos yet. So... anyway... don't know if I want to post them up either. We'll see...

Ninth thing,

There's no ninth thing... I spent one hour thinking already. Enough for tonight.

That's it folks...

A Thought

2005-05-12T00:36:00.000+08:00

A thought suddenly popped into my mind today...

"True Love is like History. It experiences Ups and Downs, travels through Trials and Tribulations, and stands the Test of Time."

Thought of just writing it down...

GapGapGap! Spider! Orange!

2005-05-04T10:19:00.000+08:00

In pencil sketch, courtesy of princessann! Thanks gal!

I love this picture... don't you love it too? Yeah of course, I love myself, you don't have to love me too. You just have to LIKE me. Or you can hate me, despise me, dream me, backstab me, praise me, badmouth me... and the list goes on... but don't you just love that picture?!

Princessann's good work! She's a genius I tell you, and she's such a lovely and helpful gal.

Love You Love You Love You Gal!!

Ok Ok... enough on this hua chi thing. Love myself, love everyone else... Ha!

Go visit her site!

Lovely Princessann

And another one, my pal Weng's new blog.

Weng the boulderer

Great fella, loves to climb walls when there are roads around. We studied together this semester, together with Mr Tang, in which Weng termed him as fatboy(pretty appropriate... I'll touch on it later). Sometimes you get DZ too, when his harem has decided to retire to the inner chambers, CSN, once... Zhuge Robin on a few occasions. Mr Tang and I gave him another nick, Ruo Long. Yeah... Try to think why everyone! Anyone else? Mmm... nope nope... if there was, he/she/he-she/she-he/they is/are insignificant! Hehhehheh...

Well... we were holed up in a place called the study room, at NBS block. Freaking cold place. You see the few regular people there. The few significant ones are like the fella with the kettle, we call him the Kettle man.

Then we have Miss Pink, her top, her bag, hair crimp, slippers, file, even once bra, was pink. Well for the bra, she was wearing sleeveless, so no doubts at all, pink straps are easy to spot. So don't go around blasting me for trying so hard to look at people's bra. I DIDN'T have a choice. I did asked for her number, but she wasn't interested in being friends. So well... one less friend to be, just another stranger on the street.

And we have the regular pair of Le Shi Bian. The female side looks a lil like Faye Wong, but just way too skinny. The male side, didn't really catch much glimpses.

We have another pretty gal there too. I'll just call her Gal A, since we never give her any nick. She has this boyfriend, wonder if he is studying or what... always playing online Magic the Gathering. Yeah... mini eyecandy. Not very spectacular though.

The most spectacular person there is Miss Inspiration. My Miss Inspiration!!! I tell you, she is not exactly very pretty, not exactly having the devil's bod... but...but... she's got the most important factor... she's got 'Seh'. Ji Ba Hun! Pretty gals, add makeup skillfully, a lot. Got Seh gal... make up level 1000, still can't reproduce that aura that's surrounding her. And she always study alone, hardly distracted, with her customary chrysanthemum drink by her side. Either in her blue fila jacket or black(looks like giordano, but I don't really know) jackets... Ji Ba Hun!

Anymore... think think... nope... no more...

But the key is not these people. It's the people you study with. Have fun and work hard at the same time. Mr Tang and Weng! It makes things easier... And I would like to thank the following people for helping me out.

Amy! The siao za bor! But a smart one... Ha! Thank goodness she help me on my 439, if not I'll would have lost that whole question! Meal's on me!

Reynold! He gave me two equation, but one is correct. He gave me hope! Thanks dude!

Mr Tang! Yesh... fatboy! He helped me out on my DSP... that stupid butterfly method.

Weng! For the newspapers, coffee breaks and mini amusements.

My one minute is up... so thank again offstage...

So that's about it for the battlefield. Sweat buckets man... Don't want to talk about the unhappy stuff like ABC, EFGs. Just talk about the happy times. Keep the good memories. Right on Boy!

Hey wait... still got to talk a bit about Quad. Yesh... the ration party for the fighters. The Quad... It's a newly opened cafeteria in NTU. Mr Tang and I spotted it on a wednesday, the week which it opened. The food is generally good... and we go there all the time. Ha... like wengster said... at last... no more dinner at Quad. Go have a look man if you've never been.

Well... yesterday I was in school to do my slides for presentation. Saw Miss Inspiration again. But that wasn't really the highlight of the day. The highlight of the day was walking from the southspine to Mr Tang's hall. With some tired muscles from monday's exercise, a big bag of stuff and a heavy laptop, don't try those stunt again. We took the longer route, cause it's raining. And climbed so many flights of stairs. I was perspiring slightly... maybe because it's pretty cool. So wasn't that bad. When I went home, I climbed up 8 floors... Then I saw the perspiration flowing down like the floodgates being opened... But... it's good exercise. Try it! Ha...

And BLADDY HELL! I didn't wake up for LIVERPOOL vs chelsea..................... Miss the historic moment!!!!!
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
(SILENCE.... voice gone)

*Five minutes passed, after a soothing cup of honey)

I'm going to go for a swim later... have lunch with Weet and meet up with CS after his last paper for our presentation.

Conclusion:

Life's never been better...

Goodday Chums!

The music that goes with it

2005-05-02T10:53:00.000+08:00

And not to forget good/lively/energetic music to go with it!

My choices:

Maksim : The first album minus 'Dance of the Baroness'

Danny Elfman : Spiderman Opening Theme

Blink182 : All The Small Things

Caesar's Palace : Jerk It Out

Ricky Martin : Livin' A Viva Loca

Crystal Method : Matrix Theme

ATB vs Alice DJ : Matrix Theme

'Dunno who' : Matrix Battle Theme

Robert Miles : Fable

Evanescense : My Immortal, Tourniquet

POD : Alive

Prodigy : Fire Starter

Robbie Williams : Supreme

Exercise Regime

2005-05-02T10:38:00.000+08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,

If you want to stay healthy and have 45 minutes 3 days a week to spare, why not try the Luxy morning exercise regime.

To stay in shape and Keep Fit!

Stay healthy!

Lets go with the exercises:

For a start:

1) 25 x wide push ups

2) 25 x sit ups

3) 30 x 4 counts jumping jacks

4) 10 x diamond push ups

5) 30 x squats

6) 25 x wide dips

7) 30 x 5 counts heel raises

8) 25 x close dips

9) 25 x hamstring swings both legs

10) 25 counts dumb bell per arm

11) 25 x butt crunches

12) 25 x hamstring stretchs

13) 50 x forearm squeezes

Finish off with a cool down.

And a Hot shower!

And remember to do your stretching exercises! You don't want aching muscles, do you?

The Beginning of An End. An End That Brings Upon A Beginning

2005-04-22T23:38:00.001+08:00

In the midst of the Exams,
The very last of Them.
I aint exactly a Fan,
So I don't really give a Damn.

Well... trying to be a little poetic, but seems like I failed miserably. Exams halfway through. Currently home now, waiting for my hair to dry up so can get down onto the keyboard and type some crap.

So far it haven't been a smooth ride for this exams. Pretty rough sailing this semester. Tough...

Hope it builds character...

Like real...

I've still got another three papers to go.

That's about it for the exams. Not exactly a fan of them, which I had indicated above. So don't talk about it. More talk, more exasperation, more irritation, more frustration, more breathless, then I cannot sleep well, then sleepy tomorrow, then cannot study well, not good for health, not good for mind.

Must rest well!

Everyone!

Back to the main topic. This exams, I pray to end at least with me passing all, will signify the end of my 1 + 6 + 4 + 2 + 4 = 17 years of studying life. The beginning of an end.

And this end is going to bring upon the working life thereafter. Nope... not going back for my M.Eng anymore. STM has offered me a job as a process engineer. And pen to paper already yesterday evening.

Pretty decent pay for a start. With shift allowance and OTs to look forward to in future. Good place to get the career going. But the shift is a little weird. Two weeks day, two weeks night. Wonder how the body is going to cope. Sure feels like going back to army all over again. No day no night.

But, I'm sure I can adapt. I always believe that as one of my strengths. As well as versatility, initiatives... and the list goes on. Hehheh... boaster in the house! My House! I can say whatever I want! Come burn it down if you have any grievances! I'm waiting... hehhehheh...

Of course must say my good points. Say my bad points meh? Crazy...

Tired liao...

Koonz............

War zone

2005-04-04T23:10:00.000+08:00

This is war... with my buddies.

Mr Tang taken almost by surprise. Note the different rations we have. And of course, the trusty newspapers and its important recruit section on saturdays.

My equipments. Mr Clever, baby wipes to refresh a tiring fighter and a chocolate coated marshmellow pie for the hungry and weary.

Mysterious Shev!

The view from the top. Note the black spot on the right, it's a swallow. It was going to rain.

A clearer view... Its pretty beautiful isn't it?

Serious work in progress.

While luxy ponders how to get into a good sleeping position, soon after.

Pictures paint a thousand words... do I have to say anymore?

Its flooding!

2005-04-04T16:52:00.000+08:00

Last saturday's recruit was a bang... STMicroelectronics is recruiting again! I heard they are expanding and building another fab, that's why they need so many people these days. It would be my dream start to my working life. It was mood dampening last weekend where there is not a single semicon work available. That's why I began searching for M.Eng. openings. Not bad, for now I've found two. Today I met one of the profs. Had a good talk with him for an hour. Seems like he is pretty keen to take me in as his student. I've known him since my IA days where he was my supervisor. Then I took one of his subjects last semester and this time round he is my FYP moderator.

If I am going to get the STM job, I would have to foresake this M.Eng. opportunity. If I don't, I will probably go for his M.Eng. Now what I am scared is STM can't get in, then M.Eng. school reject me. Then I really 'hambeen' liao...

Interesting talk we had just now. He told me the project is going to focus on derivation of basic equation for the new double gate stack of transistors. Must satisfy all the different aspects of I,V,Gm,Vth... blah blah blah. Then use MEDICI to simulate and verify the equation. Wait... do you guys know what the hell I am talking about? I've lost so many readers, will I scare you guys, whoever is left here, off too?

:-The most I talk to the wall... It's the best listener...

So all those technical issues, and the poisson equations and some MOS characteristics, I told him "Sir, that's A LOT!". He reassure me, that would not be two year's work, that means he is not expecting me to complete the research together with the team then can I graduate.

'phew......'

A bit more stuff, then he started asking me again if I am a local chap. I thought he was just confirming again because this scholarship is only open to locals and PRs. Then he started asking me about school registrations and army. And if the registration is similar for girls.

'huh?'

Then I remember his son is going to be enlisted soon. He is an immigrant so he didn't really know how the procedures go. Then we started talking about all these stuff like school and army, registration and education grant. Plus bond of local students. He was so happy to know we don't have bond, because he thought that MOE provides the grant so we must hang around a couple of years.

So he went 'phew......'

A bit more of the side track and we were back to talk about the scholarship. Then he started asking me about my honors standing. A scheme came up immediately in me. I told him 'Sir, If my FYP gets an A I should be safely on the way to a second upper. If B, might have some chance. But probably second lower...' Then I said 'Sir, I heard M.Eng they want second upper, so whether I can get this will depend very much on my FYP grade...'

So do you guys know what I was trying to do?

I was trying to...

KELONG!

Get it?

KELONG! LONG LIVE S-LEAGUE!

You guys must be thinking 'He gone kuku nuts already!'

Well... if you guys still don't get it, leave me a note. I'll explain with full illustrations. Probably write you a technical paper as well, then submit it to IEDM'05.

'What?! Simi?! Apa?!'

Nevermind for now... Just think about it as some mad fellow ranting away...

So that's about it. End of story for today.

'Huh?! Then what's flooding?' did I hear you say that with a tinge of confusion...

It's flooding with Opportunities....

Good Day!

It goes round the world and back...

2005-04-03T04:01:00.000+08:00

If I am negative in tone,
it probably is because I'm sleepy.

If I am sleepy,
it probably is because I'm tired

If I am tired,
it probably is because I have been studying,

If I have been studying,
it probably is because exams are close.

If the exams are close,
it probably is because the term is coming to an end.

If the term is coming to an end,
it probably is because that's how the academic calender dictates it.

If the academic calendar dictates it,
it probably is because it is the practice around the world.

If it is the practice around the world,
it probably is because of traditions.

If it is the tradition,
it probably is for students from the past.

If it is for the students of the past,
it proably applies for students of the present time.

If it is for the students of the present time,
it probably is the end of the term.

If it is the end of the term,
it probably mean the exams are close.

If it is close to the exams,
it probably mean many students are studying.

If it is the time to study,
it probably mean I am doing it too.

If it is the case that I am studying,
it probably mean I am tired.

If it is true that I am tired,
it probably mean I will be sleepy.

If it is always that I am sleepy,
it probably mean I will not be in an excellent mood.

If it is a bad mood I am in,
it probably mean I will sound negative.

If it is a negative tone,
it probably mean that you should ignore me.

If it is what you are going to do,
it probably mean I will be very quiet.

AND it means, stay away from me...

沉默的羔羊

2005-04-02T20:36:00.000+08:00

沉默的羔羊

当别人误解我的时候
我总是沈默
沈默对我来说其实是一种反驳
当世界遗忘我的时候
我一个人过
幸福对我来说其实是一种传说
当敌人越来越多
朋友都离开我
当爱情变成一种负担却无法解脱
我不是沈默的羔羊
我有话要讲
给我一点酒
让我有勇气
向你吐露我的悲伤
我不是沈默的羔羊
我也有梦想
当明天太阳升起
照在我的脸上
我一样能散发光芒
羔羊也会怒吼
沉默是一种力量
你是不是和我一样
在现实中学会坚强

Pray hard for me!

2005-03-31T21:29:00.000+08:00

Lets gather together... and pray hard for me! For good luck for the exams, for my FYP presentation after it, and my applications for M.Eng.! This time round I am going for 2 M.Eng. applications, hope can get at least 1! I have in mind another Prof to find to see if there are anymore openings around!

Wish me plenty of luck everyone!

Surrealism - War has began

2005-03-28T20:54:00.000+08:00

“It’s the time of the year again TS…”

It is grim moments again at this time of the year again. It seems like yesterday when TS and I had been working so hard on our research report. It was hell of a rollercoaster ride. Two months ago when we met our boss on our progress, he was saying how good we were, how much progress we made and how high we were standing in his eyes. But as the days goes by, things just started changing. First was the technical report that he had written. The weird thing that boss did was he written stuff that completely contradicted what we had always agreed upon. Both Patrick and I were completely baffled. He even had the cheek to asked us, “Are you sure this is correct? How can you be so sure?” momentarily both of us are stunned. It was definitely not a valid question weeks or months ago. Just because he written the paper, then he started asking this kind of question. So we reckoned he was trying to cover his ass. That was the first crack in the good picture of him in our minds. Then he started demanding little stuff from us, like proper grammar and vocabulary in our reports. Oh come on… when we are analyzing the results and typing the damn report, how much of grammar and vocabulary can we really look into? I had such a hard time squeezing out every ounce of ideas and insights for the damn report, writing in the most technically inclined manner as far as possible. The remark from him is, and not directly to us is, “These two guys did not put in effort and heart into their work… this is so disappointing…” my goodness… what did he mean by that? Ok… it was pretty obvious what he meant. But both TS and I definitely won’t agree with him. He must have not seen us staying in the freaking research lab over winter time… cold and freezing. Had not seen us in the half dead form during that time. Did not see us sitting in front of the 4156 14 hours straight. Oh well… he is the boss, he has a lot of work to do also huh? Well… we are not impressed. Mine wasn’t that bad, TS was simply furious over another remark our boss made. “Are all this work done by TS?” he asked Patrick. My goodness… wonders how he can doubt TS in such a manner. It’s definitely tough not to get mad over such remarks. Now TS simply hates him to the core, of course after someone added firewood to the fire. From someone who dislikes him as much as TS. Ha… I simply just shrugged my shoulders. Our performance bonuses aren’t going to be that high after all…

After the report fracas, we had to prepare for a demo to a so-call moderator from another department. This manager is one hell of an expert. He simply questioned our research like it’s done by primary school kids. And yes, when he asked, we kept keeping stumped like kindergarden kids. Hell he asked tough questions… tough but valid though. Frankly he isn’t too impressed with the initial work that was done by the people above us. That is the model of research that was handed over to us to use. Actually both TS and I had the same queries when we took over the model, but our side indeed just report that this is an infant model, and there are I think hundreds of assumptions that came with it. Well… after that, the manager realized that the two of us wasn’t responsible for the modeling and said, “Well, research associates are not responsible for modeling. It’s the research fellows and senior associates who are. So you two had all your results based on this model?” he ended those comments with that question. We had our usual, “Yup”. Then he smiled and said, “Good!” Now that’s a consolation after all the nonsense we received over this report. At least someone appreciates our work.

After that we all thought that things are going to be better. Better rest and stuff… well, not for me. I am beginning to wake up in the middle of the night. I have stomach issues almost every week. My right knee is hurting everyday. I have my weekly bruises and scratches on the left knee every Sunday. I have problems understanding what has been taught in school. In fact, I have no idea what is going wrong with my mind. Frankly there is a possibility that I have been doing wrong things all these while. TS will tell me, you better consider what you do and the consequences. Some things are better let untouched. If you have touched, better stop doing whatever you did. Yesh, I’ve thought about it whenever I realized that I have done something wrong. And I believe it is time that I put a stop to it, right from this moment on. And I hope, whatever I have done wrong will be fixed, and eventually come to a full stop in the future. I have better keep track of what the hell I have been doing and what I have done.

Indeed, TS and I will be preparing for a major project that is going to span for three weeks, two weeks from now. We have a lot to prepare for, given that all the time had been taken up by the freaking research that we did on for the past ten months. Indeed, what we had put in had really squeezed the brains out of our skulls. I am wondering how to prepare for this project because I haven’t been keeping up with the current affairs in the company. I heard some general ideas for parts of the project from some managers from each individual department. It’s going to be interesting indeed this time round. Of course I am going to put in much effort for this project. I always put in effort for projects, but of course sometimes the effort was found wanting. Two weeks left, I better prepare myself well this round. It’s going to affect my performance bonus too for this round. Going to be real important in shaping what’s my future in my job scope and the satisfaction that I am going to derive from the project results too.

Before the battle starts, I went on a relaxation phase to prepare myself for the final thrust through enemy ranks. I slept throughout for the last Saturday, after preparing some work for a little task that was assigned to us some time back. On Sunday I went off to my usual soccer game with the rest of the soccer chums. It’s always good to have a game of soccer to work off those fats that accumulated over the days in office, where you sit in the cubicle and stagnate. It has to be one of the worst games I have ever played, though our team won 4-0. We played against a bunch of youngsters, probably 19-20s, conscripts I suppose. And man… they are a rough/dirty/ugly bunch. I see double leg tackles flying, arms swinging, elbows nudging… rough/dirty. They fly to the ground at the slightest body contact; they shout for every damn time someone hits the ground, they start giving snide remarks about our teammates. What a bunch of kids… we started to show them some class but shooting at their goals, freewill. And soon they have to resort to all sorts of nonsense to get back at us. We scored and we laughed… we did our talking with our game. There was once when this little fellow swing his arm at one of our players, and one of our subs dash right into the field, wanting to clobber the small idiot. Obviously those kids aren’t going to be a real fight for the rest of us. If we start the fighting, they probably will go back with more broken ribs then us with bruises. Those puny kids… don’t know how to control their tempo, their airs, their egos, their game, their temper and lastly, their sanity. They just have to learn things, the hard way. They are lucky they managed to escape my studs and knees. Anyway… those kids, not worth any more of my mentioning.

In the afternoon we went for a mahjong game at my captain’s place. We managed to squeeze in ten big men into one small room. Some were playing x-box, some are lying around, and the rest playing mahjong. There was once when someone requested for some cake or snacks when we were a tiny winy bit hungry. I, like everyone else, took a piece as well. I managed to finish it up in three mouthfuls, and was pretty fast. Darien just went, “Wah! You finished it in one mouthful!” “No leh… three mouthfuls. I playing mahjong leh… trying to be fast…” I said. “Don’t geh xiao la… last time eat strudel at my place, you also one mouthful finished. Five minutes you finished two pizzas…” he continued, trying to come up with more instances where I managed to gobble food up faster than Speedy Gonzales. “Two pieces of pizza, not two pizzas...” and that’s all I managed. No point talking too much with him, if not he is going to hammer more nonsense. He probably can say about the same amount of instances where he felt I have eaten like a hippo as compared to guojun’s classic bloopers. Anyway… what else did I do but play mahjong. I won a little… after a late burst of luck. And ended up home at 12am. Slept real soon after… the fighting is going to start real soon…

Now…

My Current World

2005-02-26T23:05:00.000+08:00

Well guys... its been a while. With all the reality and fantasy all mixed up for quite some time, so now i shall bring you all back to just plain reality, my world, my reality.

My world as in what's happening nowadays. Been rushing my FYP report like there's no tomorrow. No, a little correction to that. I SHOULD be rushing my report like no tomorrow, but here I am, typing an entry for people who might (scarcely I'm sure) missed me and my posts.

Next saturday is my first draft dateline. I'm still wondering how I should be writing it in such a way that makes me look knowledgable. Or at least make it sound like I had been doing work for my one year, one final year. Or at the very very least, make it sound like I know what I have been doing. So here I am, reading more reports from other people, modifying their past work. Also in the agenda, is reading technical papers, submitted papers, journals (technical ones, not people's life stories), more papers... etc etc.

And I just realised my FYP supervisor is pretty one sided in the way he thinks. Whatever he felt is correct, is correct. That is after I read the most recent paper that he wrote, in which I am a co-author. Yesh that's right! You've read correctly! I am a technical paper submitted for INFOS co-author! Well... that don't make me much of a techie anyway. I just did a lot of experiments for the paper. And what was initially agreed upon when the first raw data came out, was all thrown out of the window during our very last meeting. I was wondering why...

I got my answer, after reading the paper. That's because my supervisor had written it in another manner. And I wonder why... well, we don't have cross section pictures to prove whatever we had believed in, so well... I just have to make things work.

That's about it for reality in words. Now some reality in picture. Pictures of my world. That means, my room.

First, lets see the place where I study. I used the table that my parents use for placing offerings during all those monthly rites. Yesh... maybe that's why I am 'blessed' and 'lucky' when it comes to exams huh? Let's hope it works for at least one last time!

Neat and tidy! NOT! Spot the little fella at the other end? You don't? Of course not, because he isn't even in the picture. I missed him by a few inches.

He's my study supervisor! I call him................... 'Monkey'. Anti-climax, but you think I care?!

Monkey

For those who thinks I am a neat freak because I am a Virgo... think again. I have orlible evidences against myself. The reason why I don't study at a proper study desk is because...

It's too damn messy... Anyway, it's too small for me. It was bought since 1991, when I was in Primary 5 or something. It fitted well back then. Not anymore now. So it has more or less become a dumping ground. Of course, I periodically do some cleaning up, like once or twice in five year's time. Yupz, that's pretty frequent already. So don't complain. It's MY table!

And so after a hard day's work (of surfing net, reading match reports, surfing net, reading match reports, check email, reading blogs, check email again just in case, surf net, read some papers, wonder around the house, stare into blank space, read some lecture notes, entertain myself... etc etc), what I do is, SLEEP!

Don't start your sneerings at me... I know what you did last night! You slept as well, didn't you?! After all your 'hard work' right?!?!

Here's my precious rest area

Bed! With accessories...

Top left corner. That's the control switch, which I can control the vibration of a certain spot on my bed. Nay... I'm not really a Stephen Chow buff, so no, that isn't a whatever switch which I had claimed. It's just a sword... for chasing off evil spirits and creatures. And all wrapped up, covered with dust probably.

On the right of bed, is Mr Snoopy. What else you wanna know about Mr Snoopy? Its a little gray, but I washed him. So Snoopy supporters, don't come screwing me. I love him as much as you guys do.

A little more on the right top, that's Ah Gu. Yesh, Mr Cow. With a little towel hanging from his neck... oops... where's his neck in the first place? Sure sounds a little sadistic... anyway, I love Ah Gu as well, and the towel is to dry my specs when I wash them. Any other questions on Ah Gu?

So that's about it for now guys! Questions?

Surrealism - Escape

2005-02-19T22:10:00.000+08:00

“Time to take a rest…”

And so I thought… it has been almost nine months since I started working at this company. Frankly I don’t exactly love the work I do, but for a living, I fine with it so far. I had stepped into the lab today with a memo reminding us of our technical report data.

‘Dear associates, the date of submission for the technical report is scheduled at 17th of March. All drafts must be submitted on the 5th of March. Raw data are to be processed and presentation of results will be done on the 1st of March.’

How exciting it seems. I have around ten days to process my data. Not that I have a mountain of them, but I have enough to work me to death. Frankly I would love to go on a holiday after all this work. I was discussing with ZJ on the possibility of going to Hong Kong with the rest of the chums. Seems like he felt that either Thailand or Hong Kong would be great budget destinations. Maybe we can grab TS, Weng, Mr. Tang and JR along as well. Six guys over going should save us some hotel fees too I reckon. Mulling over the budget airlines fees as well. And we wonder when is a good time that we can go over. The department will be going on a lull around May and June period as there are a few new guys coming in and most of our facilities and machines are going to be undergoing major revamp and maintenance. I suppose that’s the good thing about being in the research department. We get these periodic lull periods, and with basic pay. Not bad huh? Maybe around late May would be a good time. That’s where they start all the changes, and later in June we can all come back and prepare for the new work year. Frankly I’ve never been to Hong Kong before. Heard it’s a pretty great place to shop and eat. I’m not much of a shopper, but I’m a pretty good eater though. Surely that would be a reason good enough for me to fly over for a short trip. Ha… food, glorious food! I would love to go down under to Australia as well. It’s a beautiful place, with great beaches, serene rivers, beautiful ocean line, great variety of food… there’s just so many reasons to go to Australia. Of course, the point is to go occasionally… if not the novelty will also die off. Pat had told me about how much she had want to sky dive, bungee jump and hop onto a hot air balloon for a trip five hundred feet above ground. But the one thing about Australia would be to be the high expenditures. I’ve got to plan more for this trip if we are going over. And probably get a week off, and head off in one of those off peak periods like September or October. That would be great isn’t it, since it would be spring/summer over there. I’ll think about it, and probably ask my cousin what are the great bargains to travel over there, and getting the best deals.

Well… back to the current situation. Frankly work had been seen slight retardation due to my over-bloated stomach these days. Haven’t seen a doctor yet for the ailment since the work schedule had been way too crazy. TS is giving up on getting more data for his current project. Like what he had said to me, ‘Work is never ending, especially in research. So the smart thing to do is to get just the right amount of data, sufficient to write your report or paper, and stop there. Leave the extra work for the next paper.’ That’s somewhat true in our research field. I had finished my last set of testing as well on the new material. My personal views had been echoed by Patrick, but somehow our boss had not been too agreeable on our views. I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about what could have been the implications these days, and seeing him rejecting the idea is a bit unfortunate. Patrick had seen my disappointment and gave me a brotherly and encouraging pat on the shoulder. ‘Don’t worry about pal, just write whatever you feel on the paper, and let the reviewing committee decide on the rest. If they don’t want some parts, just take them out.’ He said with all the experiences he had behind those words. Slowly I sipped my hell of a concoction and proceed on to work on the report.

I stepped out of office during lunch to retrieve my cell which I had forgotten in the morning. My goodness, it has to be the hottest spring we ever had over here. Winter’s over only for 5 weeks and the sun is already blazing like summer. We have the occasional rain, and that adds to the humidity that is killing everyone. I am seeing people all around me falling sick like flies. I saw Angeline sick yesterday too. Complaining of a sore throat… and the poor girl can only eat porridge. Initially had wanted to joke about her, but she don’t seem to be in the mood. Then TS was complaining on the increase in mosquitoes in his apartment. The heat and occasional rain had really got the mosquito season all accelerated. I have my fair share of night raids as well these days. The next victim is ZJ. He seems like a zombie these days at work. Even today too… despite being the weekends. And its only today did he tell me it’s the mosquito problem. He started in the oddest manner. ‘Hey, what’s price of mosquito coils?’ he inquired. ‘And mosquito coils just keep mossies away and not kill them right?’ I was working on a complex calculation at that moment, with those entirely crazy electric field induced breakdown phenomenon… I supposed I was pretty relieved and happy about the break of concentration, since I wasn’t really gaining any ground on that. ‘Hmmm… coils are really cheap. And if they kill mossies, you are probably poisoned by now as well.’ I replied with the most –matter-of-fact tone. And he started his repertoire of mosquito attacks and how they had kept him up all night long. I had those nights as well, just that he had five, and I have one. But the effect is still the same of course… sleepless nights. I emphathised with him and recommended a mosquito net. It’s pretty useful actually, just with a slight trouble on the setting up. But that, of course, is just a five minutes work. Anyway… not that mosquito is the main issue here. It’s the blistering hot weather! I could just perspire like a waterfall just by the trip to the lab. Its crazy man… and the pestilence! I better start posting up ‘take good care’ signs all around the lab.

I shall drown myself in vitamin Cs and herbal teas these days. Sleep will always be deprived… Mich had fallen into the ‘overworked and fell sick’ category. I better do my protection well…

Take care…

Surrealism - Memories Holiday

2005-02-11T20:24:00.000+08:00

“Let’s not talk about it anymore…”

A long and rare holiday… just the right time I thought to get back all the energy lost over the past few weeks of frantic work and immense stress. Had a good lunch with the chums at one of the restaurants down by the street, followed by dinner with the family. And thinking that the next good thing to happen would be to have a good night’s rest. Unfortunately sometimes things don’t just happen the way you want it to be. It has to be one of the most puzzling stomach disorders I had for years. The pain just came on the stroke of three in the morning, and lasted till five. Sharp pain that pierce right through the stomach. The last time I had that kind of pain is a pretty severe food poisoning, as far as I was concern back then. Luckily it wasn’t that bad this time round, but the origin of the problem was as puzzling as solving a murder case. You have all your clues, but you make no sense out of it… oh well… so I spent most of my time in bed on the first day, hearing people having a good time out there. No, I wasn’t on a complaining note… I appreciated it in fact. I had a great rest, despite the persistent pain in the tummy. I had to go out in the evening with the chums, since I have already agreed to do so before hand. It would be so much of a spoilt sport if I haven’t gone over. AMJ was having a great night, slaughtering me and my paycheck. Ha… I wasn’t really too bothered about the money issue anyway, its good to see pals all gathering together and having fun and laughter. But the pain in the tummy really did restrict some of those fun… but well… everything’s going to end up well eventually… don’t they? So I got back the next morning, and had a relative short rest before proceeding to meet up with another bunch of friends for some games again. It was a pretty tiring second day of the holidays.

But I managed to get back home eventually. Pretty tired actually. Then I remembered having to meet Mich from the IT department for a coffee in the evening. So I had a little shower and proceed out to the coffee place next to our building. It’s amazing how many different types of shops and stalls we have down by the seventh street. There is this nice cozy bakery, with two sets of tables and chairs for the morning birds. They have the greatest bread around the neighbourhood… as compared to other streets… we have a little pet shop, thought they sell lots of birds… we have this little gift shops, and they sell stitching stuff and equipments… talking about stitching, Mich is into a bit of stitching herself too. Handicrafts which require lots of patience and skill. Mich always claims that she has a big temper to me. But well, so far the receiving end seems to be either her mom or her boyfriend. Maybe I had been lucky… well you never know. Well, we clicked well, and we have plenty of stuff to talk about.

We were talking about love the other day. I was jokingly saying how lousy a person I am, stating those as the reasons why I never got a girlfriend. I supposed she took it pretty seriously, and threatened to blow her temper if I don’t stop ‘degrading’ myself. Amazing…

It really brought back some memories… the one time I would experience the glass shattering into a million pieces. Few years ago, I got to know Juan. Those were the days, when one is so young and just does things without thinking. She is a sweet looking girl from next door. Back then I thought she was like a couple of years younger then me. But hell no… when I started chatting with her, she wasn’t. She has such a kiddish voice, so cute and angelic. We went out together… for movies, for dinner, or just sitting around in the park, talking about stuff in our life. We were like peas and carrots… we talked on the phone, late into the nights… we chat about how we should have met each other earlier, and talked about how things would go if we had been together, and what may happen if we get married. She is such a sweet girl… I followed my heart through and through, ignoring my mind all the while. In fact, I was so sure about it, I was so in love with her, hundred and ten percent. I asked her on one of those nights, where I had believed that love will be coming home too. No… so unfortunately… no… the answer I got from her is ‘I’m not ready yet, don’t wait for me. And you are too good for me’. Heaven came crashing down, thunder roars across the skies. I sat down, all and thoroughly heart shattered. A few days later… I gathered that I should give her some time. Yesh, she might not have gotten over her failed relationship. And I can wait. All because she is the one in my heart. A few weeks later, I got drafted and had been cut off from the rest of the world all so regularly. One day, three months later, I saw a message from her. ‘Sorry, I am now already attached’ greeted my weary, sleep deprived mind. Just when I pieced the glass together, she had to smash it up again…

I couldn’t forget her for some years to come. And from there on, I never dare to give that hundred and ten percent anymore. Sometimes I don’t even dare to try. I listen to my brain and not my heart… the next time I gave my heart another chance, it ended up at the wrong end of the station again. I told TS about it before too… he laughed at me, for being such a soft hearted idiot. “I haven’t heard of another idiot who couldn’t let go for 3 years” he scorned at me… in actual fact, I knew he loved his previous girl so much, that’s about the amount of time he spent getting over her too. He was lucky, his previous girl got married. That period of time he was really down in the dumps. But it put a stop to his misery… mine was like a endless pit… maybe that’s one of the reasons why we are both such great pals… we both love so deeply…

After that he knew how scared I am on committing again. Maybe he too… he would always say “let it be… let it just come by itself. Someday, someone is going to appreciate you as yourself, and you appreciating her as herself. No need to change, no need to hide. That’s how love should be.” I remembered I just nodded, with my coffee in my hands, at the same coffee place, at the same table which I am now seated with Mich. Slowly I sipped the coffee in my cup… looking out of the glass panel. “What are you thinking about?” she asked as she picked up her coffee, sensing me drifting off into my own world. “Thinking about love… I am just too tired to go find it anymore.” I said as I shifted my gaze upon her. She told me the same thing… “Don’t worry, the girl in your life will come find you.” and she ended that sentence with a trailing smile. I smiled back, and we both indulged in our coffee. I looked up into the skies, and saw the stars all out for the night. They are beautiful and they are lovely… they just reminded me to Tammy’s eyes. Big and sparkling… my thoughts just spiraled off soon after…

It's another lovely night… starry starry night…

Surrealism - A Reprieve or A New Beginning

2005-02-07T21:28:00.000+08:00

“Hahaha… once again!”

For the first time in this winter, I see sun shining through my windows when I first woke up. The warm feeling upon my feet… something I haven’t felt for almost three weeks already. Isn’t it a signal that it’s going to be a beautiful day? And it’s a Sunday! I hopped off my bed, washed my face and brushed my teeth. Foraging into the depths of my fridge yielded a bunch of treasure… five slices of bacon, two pieces of ham, a soon to expired tub of margarine, half a packet of mashed up honey almond cereal and most invitingly, four cubes of luscious dark chocolate… my just bought bread and milk are sure going to come in handy right now! Out came my frying pan, spatula and cooking oil… no joke, research associates in my companies are all good cooks. With all the oil cracking and bursting under the extra hot oil… my bacon just sizzles… wooooooo… I just love to see the oil on the side of bacon sizzle. Off the pan and a slice straight into my mouth… “HOT! HOT! Ohhh…. Ohhh… GOOOOD!” food always tastes better when you cook them by yourself. My breakfast spread : four slices of bacon (one eaten already), two pieces of ham, one huge tub of honey almond cereal mixed in cold pasteurized milk, one cube of dark chocolate (the other three… save for other occasions!), four slices of bread with margarine… gluttony is a sin… AND HELL YOU THINK I CARE?! Hak Hak Hak!

Thirty minutes later, I was as bloated as a hot air balloon… just I go the other way. It went up, I went down, rolling on the floor…

Managed to budge, and peer over my windows. Oh great, the chums are having a soccer game today. I love a good game of soccer on a Sunday morning with the chums. The snow had prevented most of us from leaving the bed. The sun is up, time for play! And amazingly, my digestive system went on a five hundred percent overdrive and I was on the field in twenty minute’s time. It was a great day for soccer, and I was in the form of my life. I dashed from one end to another, made countless attacking and defensive headers, made some good tackles and interceptions. I even open the scoring for the day! What a corner it was, sailed over everyone, while my teammate had the slightest touch to it. Bounce once and appear inviting in front of me. No doubts and no mistake, I dispatched the ball into the bottom corner with no mistakes! 1-0! Just earned myself eight fantasy points and another five eventually for match winning goal! Yea… it was a great day indeed…

That sure is a signal for better times to come. The past weeks had been horrible indeed. Even pat had to hide from me sometimes. Once she even asked me if she had antagonized me… what a word… but no… that particular period was real bad. ZJ was at a seminar with me last Friday, technically speaking that is. He was late for it and was sitting in the row behind me. But he didn’t call me or anything, just sat there by himself. After the seminar he had asked me in the most cautious way, “is there anything bothering you?” he asked from a metre away. I was kind of confused by that statement actually. “You have that very strong aura around you again…” ha… oh well… maybe it’s just me huh? That’s true, it’s been quite some time since I first heard that comment about me. Since high school I reckon. Probably it is the eyes… some people say I have the looks of a killer, some say I look like a sick terrorist. What ever the case, no one had ever said I’m handsome. What a curse! In fact, there is something which I always hear people say,
“Girls like their boyfriends to be Tall, Dark and Handsome”
There is this friend who always ask me why I am never attached, citing I am already tall and dark. The story is very simple; no one has ever said anything about the weightage of each attribute. Tall 10%, Dark 5%, Handsome 85%. Period… enough said…
Anyway… here’s the reprieve I’m looking for. The main issue is, I am happy for now. Ha… how crazy life can get in this world, you will never know…

Work is great these days as well. The simulations are running well, the testings are going smoothly, with slight hiccups here and there. But mostly, things are going fine. Frankly, the good run that TS and I had for now was unprecedented. With all the good work going around, the technical paper that our boss is getting Patrick to write is all well and on the way. My data input will be in as well. Things are getting better as each day passes. I wonder if I am going to get a raise too… well… people get greedy and expect more during the good times, don’t we all? I’m guilty!

Managed to catch a ride down to City Central for an afternoon in the sun. There are street performances all round. Its amazing how these people knows when the sun is going to come out. They are ever prepared. A good seat by the fountain, a ham sandwich on my plate and a cup of newly brewed coffee on my table. Black without sugar. This artiste is performing a mixture of balancing of balls and coordination skills. And he juggles pretty well too… the person beside me was grabbed by him and ‘volunteered’. Lucky me… for now… but its all for the sake of fun and charity. My admiration for these street artistes, earning their bread and contributing to the less fortunate at the same time. A blue note I donated and off I went for a stroll by Clayton Park… the place smells like melting snow, though it’s still covered mostly by a blanket of white.

Lovely place…

Is it going to be a signal of a better beginning, or is it just a reprieve from my dark days? I walked on down the path of Clayton Park… I walked on down the Path of Life.

We’ll see soon enough…

Surrealism - Anger and Frustration

2005-01-31T22:07:00.000+08:00

“This is crazy… how many times must I repeat it?!”

Madness all round… I crumpled up the log sheet that I had prepared for the experiment. “All Trash! These are all Trash!!!” as anger just well up in me. I have been frustrated for so long already. Three weeks ago, some champion had broken all my probe pins. Then they never stop the machine properly and never return it to its original position. I scratched my precious samples just because of their mistakes. Then the following week, the configuration of the machine had been changed and no one told us about it. I had thought all the good work that I’ve done is pretty interesting; kind of a new finding for our field of study. Then someone told us the configuration is all wrong! My goodness, it must have been the jinx of my group. Our entire group’s work had gone down the drain. Another two week’s of work gone... Today, I had been really meticulous with my work. I planned so well for the testings… and the samples screwed me up by dying at the most unearthly moment. And the other sample just kept on giving me multiple crazy results. I left the lab ‘early’, decided to end this miserable day.

It’s a crazy early morning. I knew it’s going to be all wrong when I couldn’t hear my alarm. Woke up sneezing… the cold of the winter is really giving me one hell of a time. And that was one plus hour before my designated time of awakening. Tried pulling my blanket over me… unfortunately the cold was faster then me. My lungs were screaming… I was in a semi-conscious state when I fell asleep again. When the actual wake up time came along, I heard a soft distant sound instead. Somehow, I had set the alarm to be pretty soft. It’s of one those days, you just knew, everything’s going to be way wrong…

I couldn’t find my mittens and scarf. “Where the hell are they? Where the HELL are they?!” the thought just kept on repeating in my mind. The last place I looked was my laundry basket. I had forgotten to wash them over the weekend… they had been soiled over the weekend when I went out for a walk by the frozen Carlisle River. Absent-mindedness seems to be settling in pretty well these days. Not much of a choice… I went off with my neck exposed and hands deeply in my winter jacket. I was really in a sorry state when I reached the lobby. I probably had the most unhappy aura around me. I saw Angeline at the lobby. Angeline is one of the sweet girls in the block. Seems like she is a little late like me, the only difference is, she is frequently late. Most of the time seeing her smiles can really lift my mood. But not today it seems. She gave me a smile; unfortunately I just couldn’t reciprocate it with a “Good Morning” or a smile. Firstly, there was nothing good about the morning at all, and secondly, it’s probably easier for me to kill someone then to smile at that moment. I had completely forgotten how to smile at that moment. A nod was all I managed, and I stood slightly behind her. Same happened in the lift. No words, no goodbyes exchanged when she left first. It’s definitely of those days.

First bad thing to happen… I got chased out of another department as their equipment owners are not there yet. All my planning for the work to be done, my schedules, my datelines… all gone down the drain. Following that is Patrick not reading him mails, further worsening the matter. So much for contingencies… then I saw Angeline again… is it some resentment I had for her deep in me that really made me behaved so, I aren’t sure too. I just felt the same uneasiness when I saw her again. It’s those ‘I just don’t feel like seeing her’ days. Oh well… some things in life can never be explained.

I looked at my list of contacts. Somehow not one had come into my mind as the person I’ll find to grumble about. I’ll probably find TS later in the day. He had gone off to do some other research preparations in another lab. Probably would rant to him on how things are going wrong. And he probably would tell me everything is about the same like this. Even Patrick couldn’t solve the problems I’m facing. The randomness of how research goes at times does frustrate people. But to face the tirade of smashed up pins, mis-configured machine, unreliable samples, plans screwing up, schedule tighten, dateline closing… its just like a dam waiting to burst.

Stared out of the window by the cafeteria. Slowly I sipped the coffee in my hands. And soon I slipped into stoning mode. Still as a rock I was, until someone broke that mental paralysis. She’s Snow, a bubbly and lively lady. She is a person who always intrigues me. She can be the most kiddish girl this moment and a mature thinking lady the other. And she is either overly happy or overly melancholic. An extreme person? Maybe… Oh yes, she is from the HR department. They need bubbly people like her to entice more poor research people like me in. packaging of the company is in their hands. She tapped me on the shoulders, and what greeted her was my cold and emotionless gaze. “Are you alone? Alright?” once again, all I can manage is a nod. No, there was an improvement. I managed a weak smile as well. She seems to know what I meant, “Take care!” and off she went to join her colleagues. I carried on my lifeless gaze into space…

I regained my consciousness when ZJ called out to me. We are supposed to be going to a seminar, and it’s almost about time already. “What’s wrong with you? You look so dazed.” I merely shrug my shoulders and walked off with him. “The research project? Things do get tough don’t they?” he said in the most matter-of-fact way. I managed another shrug of my shoulders. Halfway through the seminar I fell asleep. Not that I do that very often. In fact, I’ve almost never fell asleep in any seminars, no matter how boring it is. Probably this time round, with all the mental and physical stress, plus the mood, I couldn’t care any less.

“Hey, it’s over already.” ZJ woke me up. “You better head home… you look horrible. And you have that aura around you again. I can feel it.” I nodded… I grabbed my gear, and bought myself another scarf and pair of mittens in the shop by the building. I looked into the sky overhead. Its all dark and grey today, and not a single sight of falling snow. And not a single passerby on the street…

It’s an empty day… and it’s over…

Surrealism - Passion and Obession

2005-01-30T01:17:00.000+08:00

“Why? Why me?”

I looked out of the windows of my lab. And I took a long sip from my cup of coffee. It’s another one of those days, where you wish you were somewhere else. I looked at the clock: 7.19pm. It’s the kind of time where you would wish to be spending with your loved ones. Having dinner, walking down town, catch a movie, grab a drink and spend some quality time in front of the fireplace. Or maybe by oneself, catch a Friday show at the theatre near Effendro Street, stroll around the music shop for a DVD or a catchy album, sit beside the fireplace with a nice book and a warm coffee. But here I am, looking at extredo simulations, bursting the capillaries in my eyes. Work commitments…

I saw a couple walking down by 7th street. The guy is following the girl, somehow in a pleading way. Then the girl stopped in her tracks. The guy stopped too. They stood there for a minute or so, right under the falling snow. Then in a split second, the girl turned and slapped the guy! I almost choked on my coffee… I stood up and walked closer to the side of the window. Hey… they look familiar… think the lady is from the office next door… what’s her name again? I just stood there and snapped my fingers for a moment. Yesh! It’s Qing! She used to be in the same group as us a few years ago. But she chose another career path and our liaison ended there. She is an independent lady, very strong willed and determined.

They are one of the longest running couple that I’ve known. And even then each pair of couples has their own ups and downs. And a slap seems to signal something serious… I wouldn’t want to speculate too much, first because it’s their personal lives and second, speculation won’t get me the truth anyway. “The guy cheated on her. Twice actually…” it’s ZJ speaking. The three of us started in this company together. ZJ and I stayed on while Qing went off to find greener pastures. That’s where she got to know her current beau. I’ve heard a little about him from the colleagues around and didn’t really have a good impression of him. But it’s Qing’s choice, so we have to respect it. But we do keep a look out for her at times, just in case she really needs us someday. And seems like the day is getting nearer…

“Girls just fall for jerks, don’t they?” I kind of mumbled to myself. “Yes, they do…” was the reply. It wasn’t from my brain, it was from ZJ. Someone once told me about how ladies have the kind of angel mentality, where they hope that they can ‘reform’ the wayward character in those jerks. In the end, not only did they not do that, they hurt themselves in the process. Bravery twenty; broken heart twenty. And she is such a great girl… it’s really sad to see how much they deserved a great guy to take good care of them, but instead falling prey to such evilness, pitching their love to these creeps. If heaven is benevolent, I really hope Qing will never fall again. I’ve seen her fallen not once, not twice, but three times. Your heart just breaks when you see such things happen again and again…

And not just her, I’ve seen this happen over and over to so many people. All I can do is to help them as much as I can. Advise them again and again, though I know feelings and emotions are overwhelming at time. Be there for them when they fall again. Hold on to them and help them stand up again. Pray hard for them that they will meet the right one the next time round. Lastly, keep my fingers crossed. I’ll do my very best; the rest is up to them. Fate and Destiny.

That scene got me pretty distracted from my work. I left her a message on her cell since she didn’t responded. Tried again after another hour, same response. Well… I wasn’t in the mind to do work anymore, so I left the lab pretty soon after. I didn’t want to go back home so early, since my mind was roaming somewhere to the depths of infinity. I just walked down 7th street, and came up to the local chill out area. I got myself a seat at the bar of NeoTrinity and ordered a martini. “What’s bothering you tonight dude?” Oyo asked in his usual Yankee accent. “Nay… nothing. Just some disappointing stuff.” I answered with a tinge of despondence. He knew what I wanted; a pat on my back, a smile and he left me alone with my drink. I just sat there and think…

Sometimes I just get sad over things that I can’t have control over. Maybe I am at times too concern over my friends, to the point where I can forget about myself. I feel their joy, their pain, their happiness, their suffering. Seems like Heaven gave me a Heart, and I’m using it the way Heaven might be proud of. Or maybe too much. In life, almost everything needs a balance. My emotions and feelings are flowing out way too much at times. Maybe that’s why I am feeling so vulnerable at times. Work is taxing on the mind and the physical entity too… I’m being pounded from all available ways. I sure hope I can cope with everything and turn out stronger… and some day I must learn to control myself more… indeed…

“Time to go dude, its 2am already. Your martini managed to survive this time round.” He ended that statement with the most brotherly smile. That’s what friends are for isn’t it? They just know when to be there, and say the right things at the right time.

“You too dude, take care!” I replied together with a wave from my hand as I walked out of the front door. The night is chilly again. I can almost feel my breath freeze the moment it leaves my mouth… it’s a slow walk home from now…

Surrealism - The Beginning

2005-01-25T22:26:00.000+08:00

“No! No! No, Please No!”

And I feel a sharp jolt of pain in my eyes… it’s already morning, and somehow a ray of light had managed to escape from my almost fully drawn curtains. Damn it… I looked at my bedside clock. 6.15am. damn it, time to wake up. I got off the bed, and was greeted by the stone cold marble floor of mine. My right leg had gone numb. “chuuuu! Ah chuuuuu!” the sneezes went. The cold had sneaked into my system again. Winter in my city is always freezing. I squint my eyes and looked out… its white… just white, nothing else. The forecast was sub zero degrees, and seems like the weather had a good time. It was minus fourteen degrees celcius. “chuuuu!” franticly rub my right leg to life and grabbed my robe. It IS freaking cold!

My toilet seat was freezing cold, real cold. Luckily my butt never got stuck onto it. I had forgotten to turn on the seat warmer. Damn again… managed to get the water flowing to brush and wash my face. Had my first cup of coffee and a few tomatoes for breakfast. I had wished for some bacon or ham, but didn’t go to the super mart to stock them up yesterday night after work. It was hell of a day… anyway the tomatoes are fine, I never really ask for much during breakfast. And mostly I go without them. It’s just one of those mornings where you have got to have something in the tummy… and you know it’s going to be a tough day at work again.

“now… where are my keys?” the thought ran through my head, again. Sometimes I wonder if it has something to do with my age. I prefer keys to those electronic gadgets people use these days. It’s the jingle of the keys in my pocket… I love them. I opened the door and felt the cold seeping through every pore that they can find in my triply wrapped body. Pulled up my scarf, just in case it gets into my nose. It’s a blistering cold morning. Two days of snow, and its four inch deep already. I look at where my rose bush used to be. It’s all bare and white now… the snow flakes are still falling, slowly to the ground. It’s beautiful. It’s always beautiful in my town in winter. But the cold always remind me of autumn… fondly. But well, they all have their beauties.

Slowly I make my way to my office. It’s just down the street, a turn to the right. Maybe not office, should call it laboratory. Saw Ting from next door shoving the snow off her walkway. She never accepts my offers to help out every winter. She’s a lovely lady, a year or two younger than me. She treats those snow shoveling times as exercise. “Hi Ting! Lovely snowy morning isn’t it?” I smiled as I greeted her. She turned from her work and smiled. The cold had given her two rosy cheeks this morning. “Yup! Best time for exercise again!” She waved as I walked past and was back to her shoveling in a split second. Then I saw Tammy jogged pass me. She always amazes me with her tolerance of the cold. She had never failed once to jog every morning, even in winter. She is one hell of an athlete. After school she has theatre practices too. Sometimes I really wonder how she managed to find 48 hours a day. It’s as mysterious as she is herself. I briefly waved at her, and she smiled back. She has lovely eyes… she really does. Its one of those that really tells a story every time you looked at them. Even for five seconds…

I turned round the corner and saw my lab window. Fifth floor, second building on the left side of seventh street. I quicken my pace, crossed the road and got to the lift lobby. That’s the one of the things I like about winter. No traffic. And central heating, so that makes two. The security counter is empty again. Well, they always complain about theft and the occasional peeping tom, yet they aren’t willing to spend a little for security. Wonder why… and every staff gets peanuts here. Sometimes I really would love to work as the security officer here, if my research had not been so time consuming.

I saw Mr Tang at the lift lobby. He’s standing there talking softly into his cell. Must be his girlfriend again. He loved his girl so much, he always spend his spare time with her. And his own time. Sometimes I wonder if he has time for his own work. His partner at work is always missing. He’s my great pal, but well… I can’t interfere with his work. I just hope his work gets done on time. He gave me one of his trademarks “no choice” looks when I walked pass him. Stuck out my tongue and winked at him. And I managed a sniggle. Got a kick in the shin as a reward. Ha… what are pals for right?

First thing in my office… off came my jacket and scarf, then my mittens, and my snow cap. Got myself a hot cup of cocoa mixed with coffee. Creamy and perking. I got over to the next cubicle and saw Patrick typing furiously away at his computer. “hey… what’s the issue? And the hurry?” and he turned to me, showing me his semi concussed state. My goodness, he must have been working since the wee hours of the morning. Sometimes we do that, when things get really busy. I think he has a seminar paper or something like that to rush these days. I offered him my drink. He drank a sip and went back to his work. Patrick is a great guy. Real hardworking and smart. Sometimes I wonder why I don’t have even half his capabilities. Maybe that’s why I am just a research associate.

I walked into the testing room and saw TS. He was already doing some testing at this early hour. “hey, you know if I up the photonic emission to five hundred electron volts, will the substrate experience triple morphology?” he asked me immediately after my third step in the lab, even without turning his head from the computer screen. And that’s with his back to me. I am always amazed at how he recognizes who came in even without looking. And that’s one hell of a question to ask me, first thing in the morning. I took another sip at my coffee, and replied “you want some of my drink?” “take that funny concoction of yours out of my face! Ask you again, do you know if…” “I don’t know… at least not now…” my brains aren’t working yet… not this early. That triggered the 180 spin of his lab chair. I didn’t see his eyes. They were covered by his two middle fingers. “oppppsssss…..” and I made my exit.

That’s my partner in crime, TS.

We work on the same field of research under the same boss. Patrick’s also from the same research group, but he is our senior, and he earns more. Smart people… ha…

I zipped into the pantry and scanned through the cabinets. I looked at my own cabinet lastly. Some crackers, a few plastic cup that I taken from the cafeteria, a packet of instant noodles and some lollipops. I took out a strawberry flavored one and a chocolate flavored one. The strawberry one I’ll have for myself. The chocolate one is for pat. She loves chocolate. Chocolate biscuits, chocolate snacks, chocolate dips… and something we both like, dark chocolates. She’s often late for work though, so she isn’t in her cubicle yet. Work is calling, so I just left it on her table.

“click” and all my three screens are going… time for work…

一生中

2005-01-20T22:27:00.000+08:00

今天早晨六点半，闹钟就响了起来。打了个电话，又回去睡了二十分钟。就在那二十分钟里，我作了个梦。我梦到了过世有五年的婆婆。她那时八十有七，而在我的梦中，则是她的九十九大寿。我看著父亲扶著她，一步一步的走。可是，在梦中，我可是很清楚，她已经过世了。慢慢的，我走到婆婆的面前，把她紧紧的抱在怀中。那时我也可以感觉到婆婆有多脆弱。她微微的对著我笑，一个充满温心，慈祥的笑容。眼泪有一时间掉落。眼泪就在那瞬间流了下来。这时我也醒了过来，我仍在流泪。

短短的十分钟，却比十年累积已久的感触深了许多。

想起婆婆从小对我的关怀，对我的宠爱，对我的付出。有如蓝天之高，有如大海之深。这时又想到在她临终之时，我也没好好的孝顺过她，做出孙子该做的一切。五年之后才懂得后悔，感觉道伤感，是否迟了些？

泪流成河也挽回不了，这时也后悔莫及了。

人有时就是如此。就在做出决定的那一刻，不管如何就是看不出自己做错了什么。就意味著自己是对的。年轻之时，做事也没考虑得周全与彻底。很多时候，就因如此会留下千古之恨。为何当初没好好的看清楚，才做出明智的选择。正所谓当局者迷，旁观者清，有时想对一切清清楚楚也不是一件易事。做错了决定，发现时难免会有后悔之意。可是，最重要的是，会不会从中学到教训和得到宝贵的经验。在未来，如果又遇到同样的情况，是否会作出真确的选择。还有错误带来的后果，如何面对，如何化解？这些人生的知识都是需要用宝贵的时间，岁月，精神和灵魂才能换回来的。在人生的喜怒哀乐中，得到做人的目标与意义。

在这人生路程里，会有很多不同角色的人出现。有的扶你一把，有的牵著你的手，有的踹你一脚，有的捅你一刀。有的在你心目中留下一个问号，有的在你心中留下一个句号。有的是你的精神寄托，有的是你的精神折磨。有些会在你心中留下美好的回忆，有些会在你心中留下了疤痕。最重要的是那些会和你一起写下一段永恒的故事，和你一起走完人生路程的人。

一生的朋友们，和心目中的爱人。

我也想有自己的爱人，在我的身边陪伴著，犹如我在她身边陪伴著她。一生照顾著她，因为我深知，她也会一生的照顾著我。我想抱著她，一起看著西边的日落。在宁静的夜里，与星星和月亮陪伴著她。在她熟睡之时，守护著她。就在她醒过来的那一刻献给她一个吻，在辉煌的日出之后和她开始另一个美好的一天。

给她最美好的一切，只要我办得到，我一定会全心全意去做。因为我只爱她一个人。

一生中一定有段轰轰烈烈的爱情。
如果没如此，犹如没爱过。
没爱过，犹如没活过。

errors n more errors

2005-01-20T19:50:00.000+08:00

due to extensive mistakes in language and structure... the previous post has been removed for editing...

>>posted the edited entry after this one. if there are more errors do tell me guys. my written chinese is pretty bad, n yes i'm pretty ashamed of that. but i had really wanted to write those in chinese... in certain aspects.

>>>>and yes, i love chinese, i read chinese, i just flunk at writing them. and i m trying to improve it at times by reading more chinese stuff. chinese is a lovely language...

I'm gone

2005-01-15T09:02:00.000+08:00

I like to tell people, go rest more, sleep more and don’t get yourself sick. Drink more water and eat more fruits.

I care for the people around me…

But I couldn’t care for myself…

It must have been something wrong that I did in my last life that I can never redeem. I can never sleep well at nights; I can never have a good quality rest. I wake up like a zombie everyday and drag myself out of bed.

‘Stay in bed’ did I hear you say? Well, I wish I could. My body won’t let me. It rather I am in a state of semi-consciousness than fresh throughout the day. It will never be weird to see me in the darkest shade of grey when I am alone, be it in the canteen drinking coffee or in the LT listening to a lecture.

I knew how tired I was yesterday… I fell asleep in a canteen right smack in the mid-afternoon. The cicadas are buzzing away, the sun was in its most mesmerizing mood, and there was a slight buzz of human activity. I was only awaken when the drilling nearby started.

This is my daily routine.

This is a curse.

I wish I can be there for everyone 24hours a day. And she was right, this is a promise that I can never make.

Because I’m human after all… a Life so Cursed…

I don’t get the rest I tell people to get,
I never sleep enough like I tell people to,
I don’t drink as much water as I knew I should,
I get sick faster than you can spell ‘Alakazam’,
And I always forget my fruits.

And that’s why I want to see others resting more, so they won’t end up like me.

I’m tired…

And I wish to see people happy. I want them to be happy. It’s always sad to see people around you, all sad and blue.

Over studies, over money, over friends and family, over relationships.

And seeing them making even perceived wrong decisions, that’s even worse…

I seen it, been through it, and seen it over and over again so many times.

Deju vu…

Words spoken are cheap. Its words from the Heart and Soul that really matters.

If you can’t keep a Promise, don’t make it. If you don’t feel Sorry, don’t say it.

These two words carry so much heartfelt meaning to it. And to see people degrading them to the lowest level of eternity…

I can’t bear to see it…

My Heart hurts, like a cleaver running through it…

My Soul weeps, like the torrential rain of autumn…

Just these two words, hurting so many Hearts and breaking so many Souls.

I’m tired…

The Brolly that shelters, I’ll carry,
The Journey You travel, I’ll ferry.

For others I do my utmost, for myself… it’s a mystery…

An Angel? Far from it…

For a reason? Yesh indeed… to see You happy… and every one of You…

I bear my Heart to where the Light shines bright.
My Soul will do whatever that’s right.
To relieve my Life from its fateful plight.
Thus so my Spirit can have a peaceful flight.

Be deliriously happy…

And open the Heart…

Cause if You haven’t tried, You haven’t lived…

I’m gone…

close...

2005-01-08T01:47:00.000+08:00

If You are the Rain from Heaven, I want to be the wet Earth below,
To receive every single bit of You...

If You are the Mountain Stream, I want to be the River Valley,
To travel with You together to the sea...

If You are the Alpine Snow, I want to be the Mountain Peak,
To be by Your side every single moment...

If You are the Morning Sun, I want to be the Fluffy Cloud,
To watch over the World with You...

If You are the Northern Star, I want to be the Crimson Moon,
To light up the evening sky with You...

If You are ever cold and freezing, I want to be the thick wool jacket,
To warm Your body and warm Your Soul...

If You are ever sad and lonely, I want to be the plain cotton hanky,
To dry Your tears and take away Your sorrows...

If You ever know, I want to be there always,
To hold You tight and never let go...

Close to You...

lil notices

2005-01-05T20:37:00.000+08:00

Rest well.

Sleep early.

Don't stress Yourself out.

Panda already still look Heavenly.

Sunglasses is for me, not You.

Be Happy.

Don't worry about super sizing.

We'll work hand in hand.

3am I haven't sleep yet!

FYP means For Your Pleasure quickly Finish Your Project and F*** Your Professor! (maybe not... i'll take that back)

Well wishes all round.

24hours on call.

Boney shoulders and scrawny body for rent!

I see with my eyes and feel with my heart...

Every lady is pretty in their own unique ways.

Of glorious Sunflowers and cute Daisies.

Rest Rest Rest!!!

Work smart, play hard and open Your Heart...

Appreciation...

2004-12-31T19:30:00.000+08:00

Sort of a continuation from the previous entry... I dunno... just feel like writing it.

Appreciation for...

My Personal Wellbeing

How many times had anyone forgotten, to appreciate one's own personal wellbeing? Times when one is free from sickness. Taking for granted those precious time... and times where you can walk, breathe the air, see the colors, taste the icecream, hold a pen, type a mail... because we still have our health and our physical being.

I appreciate it...

My Warm Bed and Cosy Room

Its easy to forget the comfort that your room and bed gives you every day and night, just because it won't leave in a a split second's time. And forget the warmth your blanket gives on cold nights. The moments where you spent laughing and crying on, of the dreams that you had while sleeping on, of moments of love spent sharing on and of time you spent, just lying on, while time passes by...

I appreciate it...

My Emotions

The ability to feel happiness and sadness, anger and love, confusion, madness... the ability to cry, the ability to laugh, the ability to crap and complain, the ability to hide in a corner, and from the world...

I appreciate it...

Nature

To run in the field in the sun's glory, to stand still in heaven's rain, to splash water on someone you love under the waterfall, to drink the nectar of life from a mountain spring, to wake up to the smell of blossoming roses, walk to school under the beautiful clouds, to walk hand in hand in the evening breeze, to enjoy and lay under the star filled sky, wrapped around her in the morning sun, until the moment of the evening dusk. The magnificent mountains, the gentle streams, the roaring river, and the endless ocean and sea. The silence of night, the cracking of day. The sound of twigs snapping under your feet, while you pop a strawberry into your mouth. The sweetness of honey, and the bitterness of medicine. The lovely Sunflower and the cute Daisy...

I appreciate it...

Food

Ham and egg in the morning, coupled with bread and a hot coffee. Raisin bread, chocolate muffin, tiramisu, cheesecakes. Sweet, sour, bitter, hot, salty... fragrant or bland. A hot bowl of white rice and a can of sardines. A cup of milo and biscuits. A sneaky midnight snack of swiss rolls and tarts.

A day of plain porridge and rice...

Dark Chocolates...

I appreciate it...

Character and personality

Outgoing, fun loving, shy, confident, perseverance, insolence, introvert, crazy, madness, humorous, stressfree, ever laughing, cold, approachable... something we forgetten, that is what's you...

Honesty and Integrity

I appreciate it...

Friends

Ones who love you, ones who hate you. By your side while you cry/laugh/grumble/giggle/pout/fume over, everything and anything. Appear when you need, leaves when you don't. A touch of comfort, a word of wisdom. To egg you on to get the lady's phone number, to whisper words of thrill at a handsome hunk, to scream and hug at one's success, and a shoulder to rest on for the weary soul. An extra fist to punch the enemy, an extra butt to kick while we run, a smart ass to answer your exam queries, and the same to confuse you with incorrect facts! The one to laugh at your stupid jokes, to share a song for the unique moment and the one that will walk with you through the rain and storm.

You'll Never Walk Alone

I appreciate it...

The Special One

Hugs of joy, tears of sadness. The lovely kiss, the nights of love and intimacy. Moments shared under the sun, moon and stars. Running along the beaches and lapping waves. Of piggybacks that I give, of tender loving care...

You guys fill this up for me... I don't have any to talk about for now...

My Siblings

My Sister, who's ever so close to me. Let me use her laptop, treat me to meals, tells me where good food are. Share with me her crazy SMSes, and fight with me over the computer. Puzzles me with her crazy antics and irritate me with 'My friends all say you look like me!'. Gives me pocket money at times, and more spare cash too, in emergencies.

My Brother, a guide and target who I always hope to be, and surpass. A bully who toughens me up, and someone with teaches me the parts of Life. Someone to talk to about work, politics, stocks and family.

Loving me always as their kid brother...

I appreciate it...

My Parents

The people, who I failed to appreciate 90% of my lifetime. I'm not sure if you commit the same mistake too... no matter how much at times I dislike them, their decisions, their actions... they are the ones who brought me up. The one to put the food into my mouth while I was a baby, the ones who hold on to me while I learnt to walk, the ones who look on while I first started school, the ones who laugh when I failed to live up to my 'standards' in PSLE, the ones who objected to my secondary school relationship, the ones who nodded when I got my Os and As. The ones who sent me off to BMT, the ones who see me passing out as a stupid private. The ones who cook for me on my first book out, the ones who visited me on the two family visit days. The ones who beamed with pride at my commissioning parade, the one who had dinner with me after which. The ones who listen to my profanities of my S4, the ones who see me gain 14kg in army. The ones who worked longer just to let me have the education grant, the ones who want me to further my studies after my undergrad Life. The ones who listen to me grumble about my previous relationship, the ones who want to know when I will get a girlfriend again. The ones who wants a car to be driven around, the ones who will be at my convocation.

The ones who I will take care as long as I can, the ones who I will drive around in their later years. The ones who I will respect and love, as far as I can and I hope. The ones who I'll give a filial and doting daughter-in-law, the ones who I'll give grandsons and granddaughters to. The ones who I'll give a shelter to, the ones who I'll take care of...

My Most Beloved Parents...

I most appreciated, and more then ever... forever...

And how about you?

short note...

2004-12-30T22:24:00.000+08:00

The World is a better place...

If You appreciate what You already have.

Those that are left at the back of Your mind,

Never having a chance...

Give them a chance and a thought...

The World is a better place...

Had been,

Still is,

And will be...

A short prayer... 南无阿弥陀佛

2004-12-27T22:57:00.000+08:00

Amitabha, Amitabha... 南无阿弥陀佛...

A short prayer for all the victims of this very unfortunate natural disaster...

Amitabha, Amitabha... 南无阿弥陀佛...

I hope their souls will all be free from the sufferings of this world...

Amitabha, Amitabha... 南无阿弥陀佛...

May their spirits be released and forever be in paradise...

脱离苦海，早登极乐...

Of Soccer and Bloopers

2004-12-26T22:08:00.000+08:00

What would you do on a nice sunday morning? Sleep in, late breakfast, relax with the family... blah blah... For some champions, we have decided to have a special morning to remember. A bunch of guys gathered in ntu src at 9am. To do what you ask? Play Uno. And to be more specific, Hello Kitty Uno. Hello Kitty Uno?!?!?! A bunch of guys?!?!?! Yupz... And we were hysterical! We laughed at every damn thing possible. Like how someone is boasting how he will not get draw four and instead get a total of draw sixteen. Or amazing display of poor strategic planning. Anyway, we were so noisy, the people there must be wondering why 14 guys will appear in ntu src on a sunday morning just to play Hello Kitty Uno.

Of course we are not that crazy. It happens that this morning the field was occupied first by hall games, so we amused ourselves with uno and lived the years gone so long ago. And the Hello Kitty Uno is courtesy of Victor Lim, who made a guest appearance today for our morning match.

I've captured a few moments of our game this morning, so take a look of the handsome dudes of my team.

Here's our keeper darien, or some say sweet tapioca, or wu ma... what ever la. He was all excited over the game today. The Uno game that is...

Darien in a very good post. Note the cards in his hands. Authentic Hello Kitty Uno cards!

Here's a intense game between Darien and Guojun. They are the two left after the other three gamed!

With this kind of people around, do you dare play Uno? But then, so sinister but play Hello Kitty Uno?? Ha....

Ryan looking on; an exciting Uno game in progress!

Zhiwang strolling slowly towards the Uno arena on a lazy sunday morning...

But there are also other entertaining stuff about our team too.. like the bloopers that guojun pull off. Like: I skipped death! Which was supposed to be I escaped death. Hahaha... Here's a compilation of his all time classics!

1) My wedding dinner was tomorrow.

2) That NBA player is very tall! He is 7m tall!

3) Did you SAW that?!

4) My friend just came back from overseas, she has to be quantized! (quarantine)

5) The ball went through his head.

6) My favorite burger in BK is chicken waffle.

7) Mr Lim, one of our players is injured. Where’s the tool box? (First Aid Box)

8) Ryan's leg clamp again… then guohui’s car got cramped la?

9) The movie House of Flying daggers is 卧虎藏龙

Those are English ones that I remembered for the moment.

Here’s the hokkien ones.

1) I lose so much, I bo leen chu. (buay leen chu)

2) That tile is so good! I lao bak sai (lao cui nua)

Can’t remember liao la…. He is so funny at time, we don’t even know how to deal with him. So we just laugh at him… haha…

After that… soccer game… nothing much to talk about for that. Just a routine game. Some guys shagged out…

Ryan and Junhao discussing how to cheat at our mahjong game later…

Zhilong attempted to act cool…

Next I go about doing my peeping tom training.

My victims…

Small Eddie changing into his shorts

Self explanatory…

Gazza ‘The Teddy’ Peh

Soonnan outside the changing room

Anyway…. So that’s all for the morning. After that we proceeded to darien’s place for ECA. Losing until the end, then both victor and I win, so our partnership suffer a loss of $8, from $55 at one moment. Buay Pai already lo…

Nothing else to talk liao…

So bye bye la…

Colours of Life

2004-12-22T01:09:00.000+08:00

"First you have a picture that's yellow green blue and red, followed by green yellow red and blue, and blue red green yellow and red blue yellow green. Do you think you can spot the difference? Maybe yes, maybe no... it depends. Then let's say you have a picture that's black white grey brown, followed by white black brown grey, then grey black brown white, and brown black grey white. Do you think you can spot the difference? Hardly possible."

Think about it...

The notion of fairness

2004-12-21T23:43:00.000+08:00

How many times in Life have you heard someone say the 'Life is not fair'? Or maybe we can also put it this way: How many times have you said that in Life? Maybe so often that one may have forgotten.

To me, Life can't be fairer than anything else. My justification?

Can we compare the Intangibles and Tangibles?

As far as how it affects your mind and soul, to me, it is a Yes.

But of all the Tangibles and Intangibles that we all possess, which are the ones that make you happy and which ones are the ones that make you sad? Usually, the ones that do are always in the minority. Then what about the rest?

It lies in the state of Neutrality.

The ones that are inconsequential… the ones that do not affect your mind and soul. And yet, to some people, these may the exact ones that they desire. And from their point of view, they may feel that Life is unfair. And the same may be felt by you to that person.

So, two people looking at each other, feeling that Life is unfair. But in actual fact, it can’t be fairer, it is just that, one may not feel so. Because they have the 101 attributes and possessions that are inconsequential to how they feel and live. But they have it… that’s the key point.

And vice versa, when two people see each other and feel that Life is so fair… same concept.

Maybe one day, we shall we look deep inside and observe on the outside, and start to list out one by one the attributes and possessions. And think about how they make you happy or sad. Or feeling plain neutral about it. And there are many that only others can see…

Think about it…

end it for me...

2004-12-13T23:57:00.000+08:00

if sorrow is a candle light, blow it out for me...

if happiness is a breathe of air, infuse it in me...

if pain is a fallen leaf, leave it there for me...

if love is a treasure chest, unlock it for me...

if u ever choose to stay, be it always right beside me...

if it's eternal goodbye...

Is there anyone who would wanna finish up this poem for me? all versions are welcomed!

-I changed it slightly, now I feel it sounds more smooth. And my own ending for it, I've already thought of it.

If it is eternal goodbye, hope it's as silent as can be...

not open...

2004-12-12T18:59:00.000+08:00

if you are working on your fyp in ntu on a #$%^ing sunday in the south spine... freaking take note. CANTEEN A B AND 3 ARE ALL NOT FREAKING OPEN! i have just became a hungry ghost....

nw eating my supply of biscuit and having a cup of coffee for dinner.... very poor thing.... sure feels like army yet again.... just that i am in an aircon environment, with a nice jacket on, wearing dry shirt and jeans. plus sandals... hmmm.... suddenly i don't sound so pathetic after all....

anyone wanna supply me with more rations?

words...

2004-12-12T15:10:00.000+08:00

Let’s look at a few parts of a conversation,

'It’s not about what you say, but what you don't say. There's not an ounce of excitement, or whisper of a thrill.'

If this is happening to you, what would you do in a relationship? How would you feel if you are the person being spoken to? And will you marry such a person?

'I want you to get swept away out there; I want you to levitate... Sing with rapture and dance like a dervish... be deliriously happy'

I love this sentence. Isn't a relationship supposed to be this way? To get swept away by the person you love. To feel that you are walking on air when you are with him/her because it’s so heavenly. To feel so much happiness like an angel, sing with rapture and dance like a dervish... be deliriously happy' captures all that essence.

'Fall head over heels and find someone you can love like crazy and love you the same way back too. If you find one now, forget your head and listen to your heart. Love is passion, obsession, something you can't live without. There's no sense living your life without it.'

And how lovely it is to really find someone who you can fall head over heels and love like crazy. The matter is, whether he/she will love you back. Sometimes I follow my heart too much and in the end got hurt. And sometimes I followed my head and lose that opportunity. Life is about critical decisions, you make one wrong move and sometimes, that's it. So be sure of the decisions you make.
And love, is something part of your life, a passion, an obsession. So find the love of your life, and live life like it’s supposed to be.

'To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, you haven't live a life at all'

Simple enough and the message is clear…

‘But you have to try, if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived’

If you haven’t tried, go try your luck and try your best. Love doesn’t fall from heaven. And you might have to fall down so many times before the right one comes along for you. When that happens, forget the head and listen to the heart. And I know sometimes we don’t do that… but try… remembering, if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.

‘Stay open, who knows, lightning could strike.’

Sometimes you never know if the right is one is actually by your side. Or the one at your side is actually the right one. And sometimes there are signs that it just isn’t the case, or sometimes something just doesn’t feel right. So ‘stay open, lightning may strike’ the right one may just appear in your life. Or he/she may already be somewhere near you. So look around, think again… you never know…

Who knows, Lightning may strike…

星期二男人

2004-12-11T17:28:00.000+08:00

星期二男人

大多能言善道口才不錯，不折不扣的樂觀主義者

很少能被感情挫折擊倒，一開始也許會失意一時
但過不了多久笑臉又現

不太會對許多事去苛求，很多事都是隨性且隨緣
因此有散漫消極的感覺

不太會主動去追求感情，在一起也不會多作承諾
反正只要兩人快樂就好，多少有一點自戀的成分
很多事情也只關心自己，對於情人只要自理即可

How true? I don't know... don't think so...
All these tests... are all generalised answers... but i still freaking publish it. the world is the biggest irony of them all...

In the wee hours of the morning...

2004-12-11T15:43:00.000+08:00

Feel in my Soul,
An Angel so close.
My Heart skipped a beat,
Twinkling from head to feet.

Feels like a Kiss,
The one that I missed.
From you Sweetie,
The Lovely Angel...

But yet so far,
Like Heaven's Stars.
To which I reach,
A distance to breach.

Beyond me,
Fading from me.
Seeing it gone,
Out of my Sight...
With the Wind...

written all those above in the morning while doing my project. I didn't feel it my soul, so can i say it wasn't from my heart...

Anyone wanna finish that for me?

disturbing dreams...

2004-12-09T11:24:00.000+08:00

I'm still getting disturbing dreams.... disturbing my sleep that is. Not that this is a good time, its a really bad time to disturb my sleep now. I am so tired now and bladdy hell still crunching data. It sure feels like army all over again.

And not just 1 but 2 in my pathetic 4+ hours sleep. When i woke up at 7+, my body is aching, my eyes refused to open, my legs are stiff and my head is heavy. I spent the next 2 hours flipping like a piece of roti prata on my bed.

Forcing myself to sleep was futile. So pulled myself off my bed, and almost falling flat on my face because my dear right leg was in a very bad shape.

@#$% the dreams!
@#$% the @#$%ing dreams!

Ting was saying she is beginning to brighten up.... I am beginning to head the opposite. If you see a zombie walking around, its probably me. Grab me, punch me in the face, stab me in the groin and say hi. I might notice....

nonsense... ok, i've gotta go back to my work...

Hate the dreams....

fyp life

2004-12-07T21:56:00.000+08:00

Now... here's what i do when i am super bored in my fyp lab. sometimes when you do stuff until 10+ 11 at night, or overnight like what CS is kicking off tonight, it tends to get a little boring... so here's a pictorial view of things related to my fyp...

this is what happen when you have to work 14 hours in a lab. doing the same thing over and over again.... tired....

with this heavily booked machine... and that piece of wafer for my tests... grps who always book and never come. that's why cs and i always have to work overnight this holidays.

in this kind of conditions.... junkyard lab and war torn floor...

my precious work collected in the book and disks/thumbdrive

so when you hear you can finally go home at 11pm at night, you will be as happy as I am in that pic!

now presenting the important people who make this project so interesting and fun. and also the important people who helped me throughout and given me their precious time, guidance and protection.

first, the legendary CS!

actually i cant remember what he was pointing at... i just snapped away.

handsome dude yea!

our helpful and funny Phd student, Patrick! he is full of crap and always toking abt gundam seed... and some other stuff... haha... lotsa good times spent with him and the rest of the gang.

today they were discussing what to do. Patrick is directly in charge of cs. my Phd student.... dont feel like taking his pictures....

Here's the man who is our saviour! Thaya! he helped us A LOT throughout the project and guide so much. really really appreciated all his time and effort spent helping us and coordinating stuff.

another shot of serious work in progress....

so that's about it... if you guys are still interested in my school life, i'll try to take more pictures and post them here!
for now... so long!

Its like a spoilt tape recorder..

2004-12-07T16:15:00.000+08:00

Life these days is just like a spoilt tape recorder. I get sick, try to recover from it; do work, repetitive; play soccer, every Friday and Sunday; sleep, what sleep? I don’t even have time for it!

But one thing good, now sleeping at night is so easy. I just fall asleep… and never got interrupted. I cant even remember when’s the last time I slept at 2am and woke up uninterrupted at 930am. Its been a long time. Seems like FYP is even more tiring then the exams huh?

Of course… if you have to stay in the lab from 9am to 11pm, it sure IS tiring. That’s what I did yesterday. Now I’m in the lab again, doing the same thing again. Just like a spoilt tape recorder… it just repeat and repeat and repeat. And the SCVS is running, so I have some time to sneak out an entry right here inside my lab. Sure is a sad thing to be doing. Then again, it isn’t that bad as far as my FYP is concern, because the fact is I am beginning to get good results.

Seems like the change of focus of the project is a good thing after all.

Yesterday afternoon was a horrible affair as I didn’t realized there are pin connection problems. In the end, all the initial results are all screwed. Even though I got those funny graphs, I didn’t suspect a thing. to top it off, I asked another Phd student what he thought of the results, he just said its hard breakdown… ha… lucky I found out it wasn’t the case around after 6 rounds of testing. So basically my initial results are screwed. But so far the testings had been pretty good. Seems like I do have something good on my hands after all.

But to really do your FYP in this manner is really time consuming, and life consuming. After that 14 hours of FYP, I really feel like a zombie. Can you imagine the whole day is in the lab… and its going to be so for the next few weeks or so. Come to think of it, it is a good training for my possibly future career path in a wafer fab. Take it positively, like my APC and my FYP sup were telling me. There are always something to look forward to.

The bad thing about coming back to the lab is… everyone is falling like flies. Flies that had been sprayed by shieldtox, via a riot police water hose… someone is either having runny nose, sore throat or a fever. It’s a pestilence that wouldn’t go away in my lab! I got to keep myself warm and wrapped up. Always in this old army jacket of mine… almost the best in the world. I must be the most cold/heat intolerant person you’ve ever seen. Think the range is only about 24 to 32 degrees celcius. To think I went through army. Anyway… I’m popping vitamin C tabs like they are sweets. Actually not so, I bought those that you dissolve in water and drink type. 1 gram per tab. 4-5 hours 1 tab. Its been pretty good as an preventive measure so far. I think I’m going to get another 30 tabs later at the medical center. And the orange flavor one is the best so far. Don’t fall sick guys, go get yourselves a huge dose of vitamin C everyday too. And it also make sure you have a good complexion to boot.
Oh… ya… I think I’ve got to explain a bit on why I am called Luxy too. Many people asked me about it when they saw or heard it. I remembered when one of my friends called me that, his gal was giggling away. So… here it is. Luxy is changed from Lucy. Of course not that people are calling me Lucy just because I look like a ‘Lucy’. It’s the short form of another nick that my soccer chums call me. Luxy is from Lucio, the name my friends gave me. Lucio is some soccer player’s name. A defender once or still from leverkusen. So there you’ve got it. It all started from my keeper. He purposely and cheekily called me ‘luuucccyyy’ once. Then another called me that too. Mr Teddy Peh. So now it’s a good mix of lucios and luxys from them. You can call me that too, if you want to. It’s a nickname after all isn’t it?

Well…. I think this is enough for now. I’ll put up some photos later… maybe, if I have the time.

swept away... by food, work and sickness

2004-12-01T20:22:00.000+08:00

Well well.... so what have I got to write these days? It’s not easy for someone on the sick bed to write something that's readable by human beings. I was wondering if I should blog in Chinese as well after a little discussion on that. But nope... I aint really in the proper state to try that feat at the moment. Can’t seem to get my hanyu pinyin together at the moment.

So what have I been up to these days huh? I had a game of soccer on Sunday, followed by the usual mahjong session with the guys. It ended around six, had my dinner and came back home to watch a DVD. Great show, just love it with all my heart. Following that I went for the Liverpool vs. arsenal game. It was delightful to see Liverpool working so hard and of course even more delighting to see Liverpool winning arsenal. The 2 players who are doing nothing scored. So it was quite a cracker.

Maybe because of those few days of overexertion, I am falling sick now. Ha... of course, before I fell sick, I had a lil trip down to JB again on Monday. Went to have lunch at sushi king down at city square. With jiarei, zhijie and hanren. The usual suspects.

This is my main course, eel with rice, egg pudding and a yakult. Yupz, yakult. Our dear hanren is saying, this yakult is not as sweet as the original type. To me, it’s still freaking sweet! Perhaps even sweeter than the original one. Anyway… its yakult so I don’t really care that much about how sweet it is. It’s supposed to be good because of the active bacteria, or so it claims. Next up, soft shell crab.

Now this soft shell crab is pretty good. I don’t really remember how much it cost us but it was ok generally. I had a quarter of a piece and I kinda like it. So if you are going to be dining over there, have a soft shell crab.

The charming fellas that went with me there is the next course… ermm... next 2 pictures.

First picture on the left is zhijie with jiarei on his right. No his left. The picture’s right. Hanren is sitting beside me in the next picture. I realized I blend in pretty well, because I am so dark… freakish isn’t it? I almost can’t see myself in that picture. Well you can see that I am so bored that I fell asleep. Ar… no, just that zhijie snapped the picture when I was blinking. Toto also not so jun.

And here’s one on my side view.

So we ate and ate and ate… hanren even dare to tell us, ‘no matter how you eat, you can’t get over Sing $20’. Bullshit! We managed to gobble down 230 ringgit worth of sushi and stuff. Here’s the evidence,

Scary isn’t it? Some more jiarei and zhijie are going for their marathon this weekend. Wonder how they gonna do that eh? Hahaha…. Fat shev running with flyhigh. That should be quite a sight.

So that’s about it for Monday. Tuesday wasn’t that good as I started to feel sick and lethargic. It started off with the dental clinic receptionist calling me in the morning. She sure has a harsh tone. Didn’t really like the way she talked to me but well, I wasn’t going to get upset over something that is so trivial.

The trip to the dentist is as unwelcome as ever. The dentist is going to drill a hole in one of my tooth, to fill it up with some funny white stuff. I never like the feeling of the drill on my teeth. Every time there is this disturbing feeling on the nerves. It just pricks the system if you get what I mean. if not, go see a dentist. I go back to the same dentist because he is very friendly. Always have a good conversation with him whenever I am there. Well, that is before my turn.

Talked about school, soccer, studies and my personal wellbeing. His assistant commented on my new hairstyle. Amazed that she remembered, or maybe it’s just one of those casual remarks. They also said I’ve grown so much thinner. I corrected that word, preferring ‘slimmer’. Hahaha… actually it makes no difference. So he asked me what happened. If it was the work of the FYP or schoolwork. Yea, everything contributed. And adding the other personal stuff in life that sums it all up. So he went on to tell me gals, plenty of them everywhere. And they won’t fall in love with you now. His assistant added a nice comment saying the cliché ‘a tall dark handsome guy like you can’t get gal friend meh?’ I just laughed it off. I know it’s just those mindless comments that come out from the mouth. Ha… but I enjoyed it. Not that it’s really the agenda topping my list now. I’m still thinking of how to get that scholarship for my M.Eng. If I don’t get my 2nd upper. Maybe I might just go back to tech and work as an engineer there after I graduate, if they still want me that am. Anyway, the dentist is saying how you must have $ to snag a gal these days. That, I’m not too sure about. I know $ is very important, but I also know $ isn’t everything. But of course, without $, you can’t survive. Period.

So after a while more of complaining how soccer leagues these days are all kelong and fixed, he went about his dirty business of drilling and washing my teeth. His assistant must be dreaming or something, because I keep having to swallow some liquid that accumulated close to the throat area. Well… can imagine that. But she has beautiful eyes. Very typical of those beautiful malay gals. She’s married, so you guys out there can forget about anything. I’m sure she must have been quite a smasher back some time. You know, malay ladies tend to puff up a bit after marriage. She’s a lil puffed up. But she still has a pair of beautiful eyes. I’ve always loved beautiful eyes…

After that, I had to grab some lozenges and vitamin C from the medical center below. Getting quite sick actually. Had a runny nose and a sore throat. The signs of flu. So I hammered the vitamin C and lozenges. Hoping that I will recover soon enough. If not I would still be in school doing my project at this moment. I had changed with cs on the time slots. But I’ll still be going down tomorrow evening. The only other time we have for the machine. Unfortunate, but the reality it is.

I must have been quite drowsy or tired yesterday, I fell asleep halfway through my measurements. I was the only one in jacket in that lab. Yes, the thick reversible army jacket. And to make things worse, my PhD who agreed to be around to help me on my first time on this new project, wasn’t around. I was like jabbing in the dark. Eventually, I wasted my 4 hrs there, without conclusion and good results, and left the place a sicker fella. But so far I taken good care of myself, I almost drowned myself in herbal tea and plain water. Have 5 grams of Vitamin C like the dentist recommended, and had tonnes of fruits so far. I tried to sleep early, but ended up flipping in bed. I can see the dark rings forming under my eyes. I am a horrible sight. But I think I am slightly better. Maybe after this post I might be turning in.

Need more rest…

I’ll be fine real soon. I still have a dinner to attend on Friday and a BBQ that I can’t escape on Saturday. After that it’s full fledge project all the way. So well… see how it goes ya? I’m sure everything’s gonna turn out just fine.

Yes I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. Of course, any gestures of care and concern are deeply appreciated. Thanks everyone!

Poison!

2004-12-01T13:57:00.000+08:00

ks is poisonous! Induce vomitting if ingested.

N
POISON

Radioactive!

2004-11-30T19:08:00.000+08:00

>
WARNING

hellcraza is radioactive. Wear protective clothing at all times.

beng...

2004-11-29T03:14:00.000+08:00

"shut up and get up..."

*f*** you!* (actually i didn't hear it)

"arms up in a 'An Zua?! come over if you dare' posture plus beng look"

*lanlan pick up ball*

JHK

2004-11-26T10:34:00.000+08:00

Tipsy Camera Man....

A Happy and Beng-ish Looking JHK... after a bit of beer...

And a Gong Kia who looks more sober. Its just pineapple juice here.

True Friends

2004-11-25T01:54:00.000+08:00

This was written like a year and half ago, can't remember the exact date. A little tribute to my friends out there.

“True Friends”

A Sea of Stars filled the Sky,
A Glister of Lone I didn’t know why…
Even if You are way up High,
Night alone, the cold wind Sigh.

Way beyond the wide wild world,
A Star shoots to where You were.
A twist, a turn and a little peek,
A Friend had come in a glowing beat.

The Blues, the Gloom once seem bleak,
And Life from You, slowly leak.
A Friend so True will come to You,
Before You realized, before You knew

She steps in, a Smile on her Heart.
He strolls in, offers a shoulder on his Part.
They come in forms and shapes,
Sometimes even in shades and capes!

The Sun will shine when they are near.
There’s nothing in Life You would ever fear.
An arm to hold when You fall,
A word that comforts when you Heart call.

A Friend never minds when You shout,
A Friend never grumbles when You blow hot and cold.
A Friend never leaves when You forget.
A Friend never says ‘I give up, I don’t care’.

Appreciation is nice but never sought.
Giving all out for the battles that We fought.
A Heart which remains Gold and True,
With Pure intentions which stick like glue.

A Real Friend is never too far,
It doesn’t matter where You are.
A Big Thanks from me to You,
A True Friend to me, who’s Far and Few.

Thanks a lot my Friend!

after sat....

2004-11-23T17:08:00.000+08:00

Someone actually told me that I haven’t blog recently. I was thinking the last time I written was Saturday morning. Well, must have been punished for not preparing my Saturday paper properly. I simply thought it was too easy or should I say don’t know how to prepare. I should have at least looked at my 447. anyway it was over so don’t go talk about it arh. 22nd December we will know what the outcome is.

After that paper things began to get better. First we decided we are going to bugis to have steamboat. But a champion call weiter decided that going for exams shouldn’t bring bag, so 5 of us had to wait for him alone while he went to collect his bag. That’s where I found the usefulness of being extrovert and friendly. I bought a cup of coffee from the hall canteen and proceeded to have a little chat with the lady boss. Thought its just one of those ‘how’s business after holidays? Hmmm… ya ya…’ kind of conversation. But instead we went on to talk about schools, halls, and the behavior of students. The lady boss was actually rather pissed off with NUS students. She said some of them are those opportunists, where they just take and go things w/o paying for them. When confronted, they give lame reasons like ‘must pay? Thought its free’ ‘oh, I forgot to pay’ ‘oh… many la, we waiting for the rest then pay’

I was kind of shocked and surprised by her comments. I was telling her it cant be that bad and stuff like that. Well, she was pretty insistent. Since she is operating at both sides, I’m sure she knows better. I just nod at times.

If that’s real, then its really a sad reality.

Study so much and yet still having no honesty and integrity.
It’s a real shame.
Think its as bad as people not giving way in MRT stations.

So after the chat, I had finished the cup of coffee that I had bought. The lady boss treated me to another. Ha… that was my point from the start… cheap skate me again. My coffee is buy 1 get 1 free. Sorry again, engineering student.

After that, our dear weet decide to appear. So off we head towards bugis. Actually when we were out of the exam venue, we actually saw someone. What’s her name again? Tan Sze Mei or something like that. Can’t remember very well. Hanren always think that she is very very pretty(in his own words, gan pua gan pua chio lor!). ha…. But she went off with her boyfriend immediately after the paper. So somehow after like 30 minutes, they are right in front of us again in the MRT station. It has to be hanren’s day. So we proceeded to enter a train that they are in too. Then that champion didn’t sit in the row opposite her. Instead choose the opposite end of her row. Hmmm… then realized he has a plot. But his plot was foiled by the crowd that day. So… too bad. Anyway, personally I don’t think she is that pretty really. She is sweet looking though. But she just have way too much makeup on all day long. Reminds me of 玉女at times, if you get what I mean. if there’s any of her friend, fan or admirer out there, its just my personal comment.

This one is taken while we are on the way. I have no idea why I was having such a wide smile. Ronghui must be pondering why zhijie is such a wimp in international chess.

She alighted at raffles place, presumingly going to town. We went on, and got off at bugis. Then hanren saw another of those pretty gals that he appreciates in school. It really has to be his lucky day. Too bad she wasn’t going our way. While we walked around, somehow we just cant find that shop. Only when we got near to the old place, we realized it shifted. So we went over to the temple to offer some prayers. I was almost praying feverish. Well… I’m sure you guys know why…

‘Please help me!’

So, after some sincere but whiny words to the goddess, we went over to the steamboat shop. It was almost superb. Initially it was really a blast. Good food, good soup base… what else can you ask for more right? Eat while having the company of your great chums, it was just what I need after this semester exams and whatever that has happened.

Hanren must be wondering why am I eating all his fair share of food. You can see his puzzled and pissed off look in the corner.

Then he started smiling because he realized I’m eating beef, which he doesn’t eat. ‘good good, clear that plate!’ must be what he is thinking!

after that, we are really getting wired over more food. just can't force more in. it begin to become quite a little drag to finish up the food. in the end, we have to leave some food on the table uneaten. but, our tummies are all bloated... feels great!

After that we went off to see the buskers parade. We didn’t get to see much this year. Managed only 2 acts. The first was pretty entertaining. The second was inferior to the first but I still enjoy it. I like all these performance, and they are for charity, making it even easier to appreciate. I remembered coming down here to watch with xueying last year. She was like a little child when she watched. She still is… haha. This year she good gal go home spend time with family. So she missed it this time round. Still got next year. But one thing is, I just keep on perspiring in the crowd. So hot standing there all the while. That’s one reason why I dislike crowded place and town. So tissue paper out in full force… and dying in full speed too.

After the 2nd act we went off to one of the BK to relax for a while.

I have no idea what I was looking at…

There were so many butches outside that BK. We are just musing over it. Then 1 of them came in. she wanted to go to the restroom. So that split second we were speculating if she would enter the gents or ladies. She, he, er… she/he entered the gents. No doubts about her own sexuality definitely. Ha… so I wondering how she use the urinal… and mr smart weet say ‘stand la!’ then we all start to laugh at his imaginative explanations again. Hanren was just irated by them. Ha… as for why, you can go ask him yourself. Jiarei took a picture of jackjack postcard and weiter sent to me.

Cute baby huh? Go watch the show, its incredibly funny!
So… it was how the Saturday went. Came home and ended up sleeping so freaking late. Tired tired tired…

And I am feeling neutral already. All even out, black and white. I’ll write more on Monday trip some other time and when I get the pictures.

Killing mode

2004-11-20T10:20:00.000+08:00

yesterday evening, instead of studying for my paper later this afternoon, i went for a session of soccer. well... i m STILL putting an entry here now. obvious abt the emphasis i'm putting on it huh?

i was in killing mode yesterday. i actually had a notion when i was on the way, to break someone's leg if dat fella deserves it. but wen we got there, all there at the court were my pals. by the time the oter pple arrived, i've oredi played for 1 hr plus.

there goes the killing mentality.

i told my frens, i felt like breaking someone's leg. zhiwei agreed. he said i played very hiong. i suppose dats relative to the usual playing style.

den i had a chance. a mini brawl broke up between our guys n someone fr the oter team. i was already sitting by the side in a daze over something shunnan told me. before i can go down and send in a punch or kick, the situation diffused oredi. so i sat down again. and it came again, stood up, diffused...

missed the chance...

so i reckon for harboring those thoughts, i ought to get punished. n i did. i slipped and fell while trying to execute a sharp turn. ground was too slippery, shoes had no grip...

down i went... splat...

lucky it was just abrasion and some slight bruises. usually it would had been a possible injury.

somehow after that standoff event, some pple are more fired up. there's this guy who crashed into me. i was trying to shield the ball but failed miserably. he tot i purposely blocked him. sorry, its my technique problem.

one of our guys whom i didn't know went 'its ok its ok, soccer is liddat ar...'

dat fella mumbled a few words under his breathe. i gave him a killer look. he went away...

benefits of having an expression dat can frighten pple and a 1.83 frame with broad looking shoulders.

in the end, i didn't do much. didn't get much chances. if its playing in a field, i'm sure someone would have gotten some rough treatment. rough but fair... maybe not fair, just not malicious.

i'm evil, but not evil by nature. i whack pple who i felt they deserve it.

i sound evil...

i might just be evil...

who doesn't have their evil sides...

When Love and Hate collides

2004-11-19T13:52:00.000+08:00

"When Love and Hate collides"

A Cold Wind blew in the Autumn Dusk.
A Sad lingering Feeling that seems to last.
A lost Soul within a broken Heart,
With a creeping pain that will never part.

The turn of August brought the raging storms,
A sea of dark clouds that swiftly form.
The tides of Sorrow that pour from Heaven,
Nowhere to find a comforting Haven.

The bolt of Grief that struck my Soul,
And the grip of Sadness that firmly hold.
The pages of Lone they slowly unfold,
As my Heart freeze in the winter cold.

I turn my Hope to my little fire,
In a state that seems so dire.
An image of mine so pale and sullen,
Reflecting the Crest that's painfully fallen.

I tried so hard to be the best I could,
To give my all I always would.
But all I see is a fading back,
With the Love that I sorely lack.

That is nothing that I’ve ever done wrong.
But yet her Love is cruelly gone.
And through the Heaven's divine eyes,
I swear I’ve never live her a single lie.

But still her choice is to leave me now.
To Live to Love, please tell me how.
For once I knew how to Trust,
But now it's all eternally crush.

So what's the point of being so nice?
And for her that I sacrifice.
For good guys always finish last,
And bad guys always really fast.

So bury your Love in its lonely Grave,
And enter a new Journey that you slowly pave.
Your feelings must not be your guiding Light.
Let the Mind decide and all's alright.

Live the life that saves your Mind.
For Love is something not worth the find.
Keeps you Sound and keeps you Sane,
And no more Sorrow, no more Pain...

Love Yourself...

有无答案的问号

2004-11-18T20:26:00.000+08:00

时时刻刻，仿佛见到她
不管是街头，还是巷尾
她的影子，无时无刻的出现
就在我生命中成为了一个有无答案的问号

寂寞的早晨，回忆着她
无聊的中午，忘不了她
宁静的夜晚，思念着她
残酷的梦中，又遇见她

一个黑暗的阴影，跟随着我每个步伐
一心想摆脱，一时之间也做不到

问问自己，何时又犯了错
看看自己，到底哪儿不对
想想自己，为何如此难过
哭傻自己，只是一种折磨

为了一个不管自己的人
为了一个不爱自己的人

付出了真爱，可否得到心中的寄托
无条件的去爱，可否能得到那心中的情人
真心实意，换来了无心无意
死去活来之时，她也不成动过那冰冷的心

冤不了天，冤不了地
只能冤自己，爱上一个永远不爱我的人

希望才是永恒的...

2004-11-17T13:08:00.000+08:00

一时的错，造成千古恨

明知当初无结果，为何还是哪么执着

为何在这迷糊之中，迷失了自己的方向

要找回自己与自我，还得步行在煎苦的路程上

伤心只是个过程…

希望才是永恒的...

Deja vu......

2004-11-16T20:40:00.000+08:00

damn...... i need some beer man....... what a day it had been.....

bad things,

more bad things,

even more bad things....

woke up at 4am,

woke up again at 7am,

and 8am.

got a bad morning, blistering hot.

i got kinda late to school.

i missed my coffee.

got ignored.

had a horrendous paper.

my pocket watch died on me in the exams.

my exam pen ran out of ink.

felt like an idiot.

couldnt sleep thou i felt tired.

i got the worst reply that i wanna see.

A sunflower that got trashed.

Its a curse.

A cycle that i can't get out of.

deja vu......

deja vu.............

deja vu......................

The Gift from Heaven

2004-11-16T20:29:00.000+08:00

“The Gift from Heaven”

I gazed upon the star-filled sky
Like Jewels they dazzle, way up high.
Each and every an Angel resides,
I wished there’s one, by my side.

A shooting star streaks through the night,
Falling in a path of Golden Light.
An Angel was sent to Earth from Heaven,
To touch the Heart, once lone and barren.

The glister in her twinkling eyes,
Melts your Heart, the very first sight.
Evening breeze glides through her hair,
Soft as silk, they dance in the air.

She has a smile that’s ever so lovely,
Like the beautiful moonlight, she beamed sweetly.
Her cheeks would be flushed in red,
Sense of Innocence from heels to head.

Upon her nose she cutely cringe,
Like a child in her, deep within.
Adoring her for her cheeky laughs,
Admire her for being Brave and Tough.

The soft touch of her gentle hand,
To soothe the Heart, they surely can.
The feeling of warmth and eternal Love,
Peaceful like the pure white dove.

To run my hand through her silky hair,
And stroke her cheek with the greatest care.
For that I feel the heavenly bliss,
Just like the tinge of Angelic kiss.

A Gift from Heaven, my dear Angel.
She is like an answered prayer.
Never ever let her pass you by,
Because its regret for eternal good bye.

Stay by my side, don’t ever say good bye…

- luxy

As much as i tried, i can't stop her from passing me by. Her choice is 'Goodbye'. Its my regret... for not making the correct decision, almost the same time, 2 years ago. Passed by once, passing by again... And its eternal good bye...

Gong Kia Top Ten List 5

2004-11-15T08:17:00.000+08:00

Not only does my mom bug me about getting my masters, she also bug me on another issue. seems like when i am about to graduate, my mom starts to get worried about my other half. So, i always have a list of reasons why i am not attached, and why gals won't choose me. and they are,

10) 'Mother, i've only got 2 cars, 1 left 1 right, who will want me?'

9) 'Mother, i always appear at the wrong place at the wrong time.'

8) 'What to do? they always say i am their brother....'

7) 'And they only come find me when they get attached or break up. after that they forget me.'

6) 'Somemore I am a insensitive brute, who wants me?'

5) 'Then, whenever i like someone, someone better will always appear.'

4) 'And then i always make the wrong choices and wrong decisions, thus taking the wrong actions at the worst possible time.'

3) 'In the end, i don't understand gals, never know what's on their mind. so i gave up easily when i see perceived negative signs.'

2) 'And you know what's the most important external factor? the gals out there HAVE EYES la! why would they wanna choose me?!'

And the No 1 reason i gave my mom why i never get attached is,
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1) 'Anyway, mother, you don't have to worry, in the future i am going to be a MONK la!'

Shimmering Hope

2004-11-14T16:38:00.000+08:00

The other time was telling Xiaowei I will be posting another poem of mine. Sometimes i wonder how come i've got so much time to write this kind of crap... i ought to be... nevermind... here it is,

"Shimmering Hope"

Dark clouds cover the gloomy sky,
And Raindrops falling through the Night.
Like Tears they shed as Heaven crys,
For an Angel's Wings that's clipped in flight.

The Cloak of Darkness covers Her,
A Life of Shadows settles here.
The Fallen Soul was taken away,
By the Evil that had come this way.

But the Evil of Yesterday will not stay,
As the Hope of Tomorrow holds no bound.
The Sun will rise again as I Pray,
And the Soul once stolen be once again found.

The Arrow of the Morning Light will pierce the Dark,
Brightening her Heart with its Shimmering Glow.
And the Silver Song of the Golden Lark,
Send the Sweetness back on a Gentle Flow.

The bleeding wounds of a broken Wing,
Will soon be healed by the soothing Wind.
And as Time begins to do its part,
Washing the Hurt that plagues the Heart.

Once again the Sun will Shine,
And the Air will smell like forest pine.
The Sky will be of Eternal blue,
With little sparkles of Rainbow hues.

The Storm that gathered will soon pass,
With our Braveness it surely can't last.
And with Determination and Courage that will form,
Lets hold our Hands together and clear the Storm.

The Brolly that shelters You, I'll carry.
Your Passage through the Storm, I'll ferry.
Be Strong and Brave my sweet Angel,
As very soon there will be no more Danger.

The Shimmering Hope of Tomorrow will see You through!

Go on, take a swipe at me...

2004-11-13T22:36:00.000+08:00

I just woke myself up from my stupidity. I realised that, though the fact is I am losing confidence over certain things, I shouldn't have judged anything from a dream. Well, from the fact that I was shaken by it, only means 1 thing. That is, I am definitely serious about how I feel about this issue. How it shall end, it’s not entirely up to me now. But I know, I’ll take the chance, do my very best, with my heart and soul. Like Jingwen told me this afternoon, you may never get what you worked for, or even get anything at all.

I won’t give up so easily…

Anyway, not that the issue had done me any good for the moment. I had my fair share of distractions from it. Well, again I’ve proven to be someone easily distracted. I ought to be studying for my 315 at the moment. All these days, if I had been utilizing the time properly, I’d probably be done once with everything and going through them for the second time.

Laziness is just my inborn trait. Slacking is second.

Well, I did have some breakthroughs today. I found the trick behind 315 second part. It’s to…… MEMORISE! Given that I have gone through 447 and its crazy amounts of equations, 315’s total number is just peanuts. The problem is the same variable can be found by 2 different methods, giving different answers. Kinda dumb, and confusing. So I’ll just keep to one type and hope for the best. Hahaha…. Obviously this semester I haven’t been studying the way which I had always done over the past few semesters, that is to understand and apply. Sorry, I let myself down by resorting to memorizing. I detest this method, and in actual fact, I despise this method.

I have stooped so low this time round.

Well… I’m sure hope I don’t get punished for my lack of discipline and work ethics this semester. And hope heaven show pity on me and give me a break from having to go into the exams all, lacking in confidence and proper sleep… ha… that definitely sums up this semester.

Damn…

And the reason why I’m so concern about my grades is that I do have an intention to go on with my studies. I’ve seen some professors sending out emails on sponsored M.Eng. for research on floating gate transistor. If you are not engineering based and you are interested in what that means, it’s basically research on ROM. For this I think more specifically programmable ROM. With things getting smaller and smaller, you would want some reliable chips running in your computer, don’t you?

Amazing, I actually talk like my FYP supervisor.

Actually I just find the deal too good to miss. I do have some interest in how all these little stuff work, giving us all the convenience in life. If some company is going to sponsor my studies and give me a job after that, I suppose giving it a shot isn’t at all that bad an idea. And my mom has been bugging me about getting my masters since the start of year 4. Sometimes I wonder why she keeps asking me that. Never heard her nagging at my brother back then. I’ll give it a shot definitely. It’s a good chance, and good for experience. And I heard my professor is in the selection panel too.

Pull strings time!

Ha…. Stooping low again? Mmmm…… Shall not comment on that. See how it goes man. If I’m a piece of shit, even the strongest nylon rope isn’t enough to hold on to me.

My mom is calling me to eat stuff again. I reckon she’s thinking this 1.83 frame is definitely not worthy of a weight of 70kg. I’ve been gorging food these days. This morning alone, I had a cup of milo, 1 banana, and 1 apple, 2 slices of bread, 1 egg, and multitude of biscuits. Had a huge portion for lunch and dinner. Now she’s getting me to eat the fried wings and fish balls she brought back.

Hehhehheh... I’ll just eat. Don’t give 2 hoots about my waistline!

So…. Time to get huggable again!

:- oh.... yes.... top ten list will be back next monday!

A Dream that I would rather forget and not come true...

2004-11-12T17:08:00.000+08:00

I had one of the worst sleep ever this morning. Not that it is intermittent or constantly disturbed, but instead, I had a very bad dream.

Maybe it’s how if felt in real life, then it translate into my dream. Sometimes in life you wanted something, you feel for something… but so confusing that you ain’t sure if you gonna get it. And there are times when you felt you can get it, and yet you lose it in the end. And see that, the effort that you put in had gone with the winds.

To see it taken away from you, right before your very eyes…

I was shaken. I really was…. I know I couldn’t believe my eyes in the dream. It was all too real… and it’s the last thing I would expect to happen.

No…. I don’t want it to be that way. But I don’t know if it would be mine someday. To make a bad mistake and decision, and see it all disappear before you.

Happened to me more than once, in all facets of life.

Sometimes I have confidence, sometimes I don't...

To risk, or not to?
To wish for or not to?
To go that extra mile or not to?

I don’t know….

Is there anyone out there who has an answer, an answer that would pacify my battered soul?

Anyone out there….